Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Removing the mask, discovering me.

Tonight while surfing Facebook, a friend of mine posted an article that I found freeing.  Here is the link http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/being-christian-doesnt-always-look-you-think-it-should#eTjJBFTcxCxz6qX3.01.  Hopefully I added the link thing right & you can go read it for yourself.

I had attended what I thought was a great church & in some ways it was great.  I was taught the proper fear of the Lord, what worship is & isn't, I learned who God is & isn't.  I basically went from a baby to a mature Christian.  There were many good times & memories.  Then my little church closed, my then husband left me, my whole world crumbled or so I thought.  There are times when God has to strip away the false to reveal the real in our lives.....mine has been a few years in the making.

What I thought was a "good" church was in some ways a good church, but in retrospect & reflection I see where there was a spirit of manipulation at play in folks lives & the ministry.  When the church closed I felt like I had failed the ministry some how.  Rumors were flung around so others could be elevated in the eyes of the Pastors.  What I thought were my friends & mentors turned out to be false.  It was a confusing time in my life.

I admit, I have been floundering....hence why no posts in a LONG time.  I would feel the urge to write, but then thought I wasn't worthy of being His scribe anymore.....I didn't live up to the "Christian" image as I was taught I had to portray.  I still don't feel worthy to pen anything in His precious name, but I am feeling the urge of the Lord to be real & transparent in ways I have been trying to shield.  So hang onto your shorts....this could be a bumpy ride for both of us.

I was taught a "Christian" was perfect.  We don't have bad days, bad thoughts or feelings.  We are not to lose our cool. We are to be an example to the world.  After reading the article "Being Christian Doesn't Always Look Like You Think it Should" I saw my mask just crumble.  I am NO where perfect.  I don't always maintain my cool.....to be honest I am rather hormonal & quick tempered lately.  I am not always kind.....to be honest some days I say what is on my mind & find myself rather unfiltered.....which can be a good thing, but can also be rather detrimental.  Side note:  If my being honest & unfiltered has hurt anyone.....I humbly ask for your forgiveness.  In my attempts to be real....to be truly transparent & not "sugar" coat stuff I can be rather brash.

That leads me to another thought.  Why did we as a society become a blaming society??  I heard a co-worker today utter the words well my mother/father are responsible for the way I act.  I mean SERIOUSLY??  When I am wrong....which is about every moment of every day.....I am big enough to own up to my mistakes & not blame it on others.  If I said something wrong....it was me that said it, no excuses.  If I did something wrong....again it was me that did it, no excuses.

Let's face it folks....we are ALL human....quite subject to error.  There was only one perfect person...Jesus.  Heck He was/is & forever shall be God incarnate.  God Himself in human form to show me He CAN & does relate to the troubles & trials of my life.   It is by HIS mercy & grace I get MANY do overs....many opportunities to do it or say it His way...the right way.  I am so flawed & so imperfect, but God is SO loving & SO patient to give me the time & opportunity to be a daily work in progress.  One fine day Jesus will come again & when He comes then & ONLY then shall I finally be PERFECT.  In the mean time, grab your hard hat, come near me if you are brave enough.  I will be working daily to get this thing right more than I do now.

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