Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Remain Faithful to the End

Remain faithful to the end was a word the Lord spoke to me back in October when I was questioning whether my little church was closing. Who knew back then what all He was calling me to be faithful to when He spoke this. On this side of the knowing, I wouldn't have changed a thing.

Since getting that word my little church had closed and I remained faithful to the ministry until it was finished. I was asked to tithe an extra month after we quit having services, to which I was faithful to do. Did it make sense? Oh no, to my analytical bean counting mind it surely didn't, but I remained obedient.

Now I have been called to yet another "be faithful to the end" moment. I am facing divorce, which is something I don't want. I desire reconcilliation, but my desire isn't the same as my spouse. Am I angry? Oh yes very much so. Do I feel like I have been taken advantage of? Oh yes, very much so. But inspite of that, I keep hear resounding in my spirit "be faithful until the end."

Does this mean the divorce is going to be a reality? I have no clue, it is all in the Master's hands...He is the Author & Finisher of my faith and only He knows this answer. My part, remain faithful to the end....whether it ends in 60 days or 30 years. Inspite of how I feel, I have to keep asking myself moment by moment WWJD...what would Jesus do, what would Jesus say....moment by moment it is a refining journey. A leg of the journey of letting go of my hurt, my disappointment, my rights to be right, my self defense....of letting go and letting God. Is it easy? Oh my no but then again yes. It isn't easy letting go of the control, especially when my life seems so out of control and beyond my grasp at the moment. But it is easy for when I let go I let God be God and let Him handle all the stress.

I know this post may be quite shocking to some of my friends; but God has called me to be transparent before the world. To my friends,I say keep me but especially my husband in prayer. Why more prayer for him? He is walking in rebellion, very much struggling and desperately in need of God right now even though he doesn't see that.

Yes I need God now and I have Him....He is with me through all of this and He keeps reminding me through His word, His people even through songs on the radio. I am pressing into God's presence during this time....seeking His glorious face, reading His word and allowing it to wash over me to heal me of my hurt & disappointment, I am praising Him with everything within me even though my heart is anything but celebratory.

Will He require me to be faithful to the end of more then this? My head and heart tell me that this very well could be the case. Faithful to what? Only He knows and He hasn't shown me yet what it is. Unlike us humans who require everything instant, God is very selective about what He wants done and in what time frame. So here I am, at Jesus' feet once again....broken, transparent & so much in love with Him that I am willing to die to whatever He calls me to.

I have to laugh a bit, because before this bit of being faithful was revealed to me I had told my new brothers & sisters in Christ that I was a "hard hat" zone right now. Before this and even in the midst of this God is requiring me to surrender my soul to Him. I am a hard hat zone not unlilke a construction site where hard hats are a must! I told my brothers & sisters in Christ that being close to me means they might get hit by something.....if it was good & God then I pray they allow it to change them into His image.....if it was something bad and from my flesh I apologize right now before it happens.

God has surrounded me with brothers & sisters who allow me to cry on their shoulders and to lean on. People to gird me up in support and prayer. Thank you each and everyone of you, my heart may be hurting right now, but it is also very full with the love and support I am receiving from each and everyone of you. Many hugs my dearest friends....I love each and everyone of you!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Sheep Shed

I have been seeking God as to where He desires for me to go...what body of believers He desires me to become a part of. I think I have found just the place. The Sheep Shed. I have heard a good friend & prophet say that God was showing up in a mighty way in the little home bible studies that people are having throughout this nation. That is how the Sheep Shed started, a couple friends of mine started a small intimate bible study in their home on Thursday nights....word got out (friends telling friends) and well it got bigger then my friend's living room. So out back was an old sheep shed, a small cozy barn that was/is being converted into a small meeting place for believers to come together to worship and share what God is revealing to us in His word....but not just on Thursdays but some Sundays as well.

My first visit God was surely there waiting for me. It seemed like the whole service was tailor made around me and for me. Oh what a feeling to step into a room of praying, praising and worshipping believers; God's presence and synergy of faith in the room was tangible and awesome to my spirit.

I am excited to sit with these wonderful friends, to learn, heal, love and grow where God has planted me. To take what I learn and put it here or to directly speak with people about what I have and am learning at the feet of Jesus once again. It was a scary bit wandering and wondering where I belonged....it is that way for folks in the world too. But when you find where you truly belong, when you find that place where God desires to plant you, that special garden of believers oh there is no feeling like it in this world.

I pray that those who are wandering today will open their hearts and find Jesus. He is alive...He resurrected out of the tomb and ascended to the Father today...Easter Sunday, Resurrection Sunday. Jesus sits at the right hand of the Father in heaven making intercession for ALL today....the lost and saved alike. Jesus sent us the Holy Spirit to indwell each and everyone who desires that indwelling. Our Lord, Savior and Friend is a gentleman...He won't force anyone, we get to choose. I pray those wandering in the spirit will find refuge in my beloved Jesus...for He is a strong tower of refuge and abiding in Him you can weather any storm...trust me my life is quite stormy these days, but there is such peace when I abide in His presence. Many hugs beloveds, many blessings. I am off to dry my hair and finish getting ready to join my beloved sisters & brothers at the Sheep Shed. Hugs

Post Script - God truly amazes me!!! Just got back from the Sheep Shed and again service tailor made around me. This morning I posted the above then I was going over this blog a bit and I read the one I posted last Easter and how Pastor Q preached about the napkin....go read it for yourself. Pastor Tim this morning spoke about this same thing about how the kerchief (some translations read napkin) that was placed over Jesus' head was folded and laying by itself. How awesome of God to remind me that HE is the Author & Finisher of my faith and how HE isn't done with me yet, but also how this morning I was pondering that paper napkin still folded in my Bible as a constant reminder that I am not finished yet. It was a blessing to Brother Tim to hear about my paper napkin. They prayed over my new start with the Lord because that is what Resurrection Day is partly about a new start....mankind got a new start the day of the Crucifixion and Resurrection...new life in relationship with God. How lovely and amazing He truly is. Take a moment and ask the Lord to forgive you of your sins, He surely will then enjoy this first day of your new life in the Lord.