Sunday, November 28, 2010

Are Things in Order

My birthday is vastly approaching as well as the Christmas Holiday. It has me reflecting over this past year of my life. Today I went to the First Assembly of God and Pastor Turner was preaching still from The Beginning...the book of Genesis Chapters 2 & 3...he didn't quite get as far with his sermon so it was more of Chapter 2 then 3.

He was talking about man's role in the garden. In verse 15 it says God took the man and put him in the garden to tend and keep it. Note that it was man that God put there, no mention of woman as she wasn't even created yet. God has a specific order for creation and for life. Man was put in the garden to tend (to set it in order) and to keep it (to maintain and to protect it). Man was charged with the responsibility of the garden; we find that in verse 16. We can correlate that to life today. Man was and still is charged with the responsibility to set into order, to maintain and to protect his garden....his home...his life. Now man isn't supposed to set things into order according to his own desires and demand, but according to God's will, desires and commands. Big difference there.

In verse 18 God decided that man should have a helper comparable to him. Man was incomplete without someone to complement him in fulfilling the task of filling, multiplying and taking dominion over the earth. So in verse 21-22 God did just that. He took a rib from Adam's side and created woman. She was created to come along side of Adam to help him. Not taken from Adam's head to where she ruled over Adam and not taken from Adam's foot where he ruled over her. A co-heir, a co-worker, a co-mpanion.

Verse 24 we see that they became one flesh. They were in unity of parts making a whole...working smoothly and perfectly together as one. There wasn't a battle of the sexes...there wasn't any competition.

I have been reflecting off and on of where things were out of order in my marriages and where I failed to be in "order" according to God's creation. Marriage #1 I see my ex wasn't in order according to God's word. He ruled over me and I became his servant rather then his helper the way I was created to be. It was out of balance and destined to fail. Marriage #2 I see my ex also wasn't in order according to God's word. He left all responsibility on my shoulders to do everything...and me being the self preservation/control freak I allowed it to go that way for a season too long. I had seen how things weren't in the proper order and I was trying to make course corrections but ex #2 wasn't willing to take dominion nor responsibility as he needed to.

God is showing me my place so to speak in a "godly" marriage. Right now everything is falling upon my shoulders for a season. How long it will last only God knows that answer. My task for the moment is to trust God to provide like a husband should. Yes, I am still doing the dishes, cleaning etc all by myself. But there is coming a day when God will bring me the man He has set aside for me alone. This man will rise up in Godly authority and allow me to be the helpmate I was created to be. I will be submissive and surrender all authority and responsibility to him and be the helpmate. God is using this time with me to not only get my head in order, but my spirit & soul as well. I pray I am worthy of this man He is bringing to me. That I will be a blessing and joy to this man. I wait...........

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Identity Theft

Well I am without a church again it seems. Ah well, to wander, to visit, to seek God and where He wants me again for how ever long. Sheep Shed has decided not to do Sunday services, so it is church hopping again....but this time it is with a different attitude of heart. Instead of a sorrowful wounded heart it is with a joyful and expecting heart I seek again. Pastors Clark have been called to higher things, they weren't necessarily called to have regular Sunday services. So it is with a joyful heart I pray them through this season & ministry God has them in. Love you Clarks!!!!

I visited a church not far from my home this past Sunday. Was wonderful to be in the house of God worshipping with hungry people. God's presence was so thick and warm and wonderful. I believe there was an open heaven above the place and God was poised and ready to do miracles if anyone had the faith to ask. Yeppers, I prayed blessings and such for that body of believers and am looking forward to hearing about the miracles God and I spoke about...nope like wishing on a star, I am not gonna tell!

Pastor spoke about our purpose on earth....what we were created to do back in the garden, but also here and now. It got me to thinking about what has had happened to me and where God is taking me. Seems my identity was stolen, or rather obscured by the wounds inflicted upon me by people, the enemy and me beating myself upside the head with that rattin frattin condemnation brick. You know the one we all pick up when we make a mistake and beat ourselves senseless with. But I also realized that some of the "wounds" I have sustained aren't really wounds but rather where surgery was performed by the Master Potter's hands. He has lovingly stripped (although it may not feel like it) away things and people that have been a hinderance to me becoming who I was created to be....but also hinderances to our relationship.

I am learning how to love me and Him more. I have discovered that I indeed haven't really loved or been loved like Christ loves me. I have had 2 marriages, but haven't really been loved like I so desire and deserve. So I have been making it a daily habit of thanking the Lord for one more day to try to get things right; to try to be His hands & feet; to be His ambassador; for His love and devotion of which I am SO not worthy of; and also for His hand of protection over the man He is grooming just for me. Yes there is hope in my heart to finally love and be loved again....hope springs eternal is what my granny used to say. Never fully understood it until now. Yes the holidays and my birthday are VASTLY approaching at a rate that makes one's head spin. Whether I am alone or with anyone for these celebrations is yet to be determined...but one thing is for certain...whether with anyone or alone God will be right there. Loving me, protecting me, providing for me and adoring me.

Father I am thankful for this stripping away the mistaken identity that I had. I am thankful for the surgery you have and are still yet performing on me. I am thankful for the bits of my soul that have been transformed and have surrendered. I am thankful that no matter how much I turn away or want to run I can never escape You...that You are not going to let me go no matter how "bad" I think I have been. I thank You that my identity is secure in You...the real Bert....not this fake, phoney, plastic one the world and those in it have fashioned for me. I love You Lord and am Your humble servant, friend & bride to be.