Two No Three Things I Learned About Me"

This week has been an interesting week for me. I learned 3 things about me...#1 I am a passionate person, #2 I am a sassy person, #3 God still loves me anyway! I am a passionate person in the fact that I love deep and when I commit myself to something I am one that sticks with it. I am passionate about my Lord. I also am passionate about helping those with addictions getting free, helping the homeless and feeding the hungry.

I am sassy....I don't hold back (to my detriment sometimes) with what I have to say. I say what I mean and I mean what I say...I don't mince words. Now sometimes that can be a good thing....especially in prayer dealing with the enemy. But sometimes it can be harmful to those around me and to me.

God still loves me anyway! God loves it that I am passionate about Him and the things of His heart. Matter of fact He delights in my passion and willingness to help others. God delights in the fact that I am sassy, that I don't back down when the enemy slings attacks at me. God delights that I use my sassyness for His kingdom.

There is a fine line that I am learning not to cross. I am learning who I am in Christ and what I was created for. Yes it kind of hurt when I was told I was sassy & passionate and how God wanted me to bridle that passion & sassyness so I can be bridal with passion & sassyness....there is such a subtle fine line. But then God used Oswald....isn't it interesting God using a gentlemen that wrote his own revelations many years ago to inspire and help me today. Oswald said "If the Spirit of God detects anything in you that is wrong, He doesn't ask you to make it right; He only asks you to accept the light of truth, and HE will make it right." I just have to confess that "yep that is correct" and then just BE. I have to confess my weaknesses and faults and the Holy Spirit will do the rest.

So world....my name is Bert, I am a child of the Most High God, Yaweh, and I am passionate as well as sassy. I confess that there are times in my life my passion gets the best of me and I tend to be sassy. I ask You, Holy Spirit, to redirect my passion & sassyness so I can be affective for my Father, my King, my Lord.

Yield the right of way

Gracious I have felt so out of control this past 2 weeks...I mean majorly out of control. It seems utter chaos at work, at home it seems like nothing I do or say is right with my spouse, & I have even been questioning my internal motive of following my Beloved Lord. So out of control to the point of tears & utter exhaustion physically & spiritually. And then Oswald.

I have an Oswald Chambers "My Utmost for His Highest" calendar on my desk. It gives me a scripture and Oswald's perspective of what he gleaned from each scripture...quite good yet quite piercing. It cuts me to the quick so many times but it is an exquisite hurt. The kind of hurt that hurts your heart that is so following God, but it isn't a physical pain such as a paper cut. This kind of hurt is a good hurt because it makes you question your own beliefs....do they really line up with the word & will of God or you own agenda.

I borrowed the book "My Utmost for His Highest" from my beloved shepherds & friends. They are such gracious Pastors....they love me unconditionally like Christ....still can't quite fathom why, but they do and they are always there to hear me out when I am out of control and help ground me and regroup me. I find myself thanking God for these 2 in my life. I pray everyone that reads this finds their own spiritual father & mother.....there is such a life of blessing when you do.....ah but that is another post....back to the one at hand.

Friday at work I discovered thanks to Oswald why I felt so out of control. Then I borrowed the book and got further insight....Thursday 3/12 was TOTAL SURRENDER - Mark 10:28 "Peter began to say to Him, 'See we have left all and followed You.'" Total surrender will always go beyond natural devotion. If we only give up, God will surrender Himself to embrace all those around us and will meet their needs, which were created by our surrender. Beware of stopping short of total surrender to God. Most of us only have a vi son of what this really means, but never have truly experienced it.

Friday 3/13 was GOD'S TOTAL SURRENDER TO US - John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave..." In our surrender, we must give ourselves to God in the same way He gave Himself for us -- totally, unconditionally, and without reservation. The consequences and circumstances resulting from our surrender will never even enter our mind, because our life will be totally consumed with Him."

Then came Saturday 3/14 YIELDING - Romans 6:16 "..you are that one's slave whom you obey.." The first thing I must be willing to admit when I begin to examine what controls and dominates me is that I am the one responsible for having yielded myself to whatever it may be. If I am a slave to myself, I am to blame because somewhere in the past I yielded to myself. Likewise, if I obey God I do so because at some point I yielded myself to Him."

So I haven't surrendered myself to Him, but I have yielded myself to myself. Ah the tricky "self" thing reappears in my life. Several years back the Lord prompted me to H (representing Him/Her) SELF....ok put it together HSELF....now spell it backwards FLESH....yep when we are working, operating in him/herself we are operating in flesh....but when we operate in Him we operate in Spirit....ugh...that flesh thing again. Somewhere I had yielded myself to my flesh again...the very enemy of my soul & spirit man! Where did I give into the wiles of my flesh? When? How? Then I read further.....

"No release or escape from it will ever come from any human power, but only through the power of redemption. You must yield yourself in utter humiliation to the only One who can break the dominating power in your life, namely the Lord Jesus Christ. " So here I am, back at what seems square one....back at the altar of sacrifice. You can't get to the Holy of Holies without first passing the altar of sacrifice....to lay your bull on the altar. Then it is onto the brazen laver, to be washed and cleansed. Then it was to the entryway into the Holy Place where the priests would put on their clean garments and enter in to minister to the Lord.

Back to the altar to lay my bull upon it. My independence, my pride, my self preservation, my fears, my need to feel superior..and so on and so on. Lord forgive me for selling myself so shortly by yielding to my flesh yet again. Help me Holy Spirit to die out yet again to my flesh...but this time help me to really kill it, not just to stun it. Help me to yield MY right of way for HIS will of way which is the right of way.

Is This True of Me?

Still walking and talking with my King daily. Last night's word came out His mouth piece, my Pastor, out of the Song of Solomon 2:10 "Rise up my love, my fair one". God has been and still is calling His bride to arise & shine....to get up from slumber and to get back to His business. He said "prepare it, be it". I have been hearing the Lord call me, not by my earthly name of Bert, but He has been calling me "Esther". Like I have stated before, He has been calling me that off and on....now it seems more on then off! I have been asking the Holy Spirit daily, "what pleases my Lord today?"

The Lord in essence last night was calling His corporate bride "Esther". We need to stop seeking what pleases us, what is "comfortable" for us and to heed His word....to "rise from our 'comfort zone' that we have been building and residing in...to shine forth HIS light, not our own glory stealing agenda & works. Time to stop building our own comfy kingdoms and get back to building His. Tough word, but a most definitely needed one. The time my friends & fellow journeymen is getting oh so short....time to quit playing games and thinking there is yet another tomorrow!

So....today's Oswald caught my eye. "Is This True of Me?" "None of these things move me, nor do I count my life dear to myself...." Acts 20:24. Oswald writes "If I have not been seized by Jesus Christ and surrendered myself to Him, I will consider the time I decide to give God and my own ideas of service as dear. Never consider whether or not you are of use -- but always consider that "you are not your own", you are HIS (1 Corinthians 6:19)."

Wow there is that word once again resounding, I am not my own. Lord let me get this head knowledge planted deep within my heart. Let me not consider "my" ways above Your majestic ways. Let me not consider "myself" above You. Help me Holy Spirit to be totally committed & submitted to my Lord, Savior, Friend & Bridegroom in the mighty name of Jesus.

Tidbits on the Journey

I have been thinking about my engagement to the King of kings...wondering where did the time go, how did the transition happen and why did I miss it? Been getting a few tidbits here and there...what a better way to spend your Sunday then pondering those tidbits with Him!

I have looked at what it means to serve, but what is a friend. Yep consulted my friend Webster...don't you just love him and all his information....any who a friend is: a person attached to another by affection or esteem, a favored companion. His favored companion....yep sounds good to me. Favored -- having an appearance or features of a particular kind, endowed with special advantages or gifts, providing preferential treatment. Having an appearance or features of God, endowed by God with special advantages or gifts, provided by God preferential treatment. Aren't you glad you are God's favorite! Of course His word says He doesn't have favorites, but in an essence He most certainly does....His favorite is each and everyone of His created people...and God created us all so we all get to be His favorite...cool thought huh?

When we have a favored companion or friend we go out of our way to bless them. We do little things to make them smile and show them that we care. We look for and do things to help our friends. We are faithful and loyal to the things our friends put in our care....their thoughts, emotions, secrets, and sometimes personal possessions. Father God & Jesus take that same care for us, does little things to make us smile and bless us....a beautiful sunset that takes your breathe away, pinpointing out to us the Father's wonderful creation in the sight of a lone deer in a field on a foggy morning...ah majestic. Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice for His friends....He laid down His very life for them/us.

Somewhere I went from just a servant of God to being His friend. I didn't realize it but I was searching out the scripture to find things that He takes delight in like Esther. You know Esther went through 1 year of preparation for her one night with the King....she could wear whatever she chose to wear on her one night with the king....she could select the meal to be served...choose which jewelry to wear, what perfume to scent her bath with....but Esther chose only to wear what pleased the King, chose only to eat what pleased the King. Somewhere on my journey of serving Him, my desires and choices took a back seat....I started seeking out what pleased my Lord and Savior. I still seek daily ways to bless Him....I search my heart and sing the praises I find within...sometimes it doesn't sound much more then "I love You Lord" over and over and over again, but somehow it still manages to catch His attention, to bless Him and make Him blush. I was so focused on my Lord I missed the transition!

Now I am on the leg of the journey like Esther, the bridal preparation. I am reading a good book..."Completely His, Loving Jesus Without Limits" by Shannon Ethridge and I came across a passage that made me look upon communion with different eyes....from the eyes of the engaged. Ms. Ethridge writes "I saw a video series produced by Focus on the Family and narrated by biblical scholar Ray Vander Laan. Mr. Vander Laan explains that in biblical times a bride-to-be had a say in whether she would marry her potential groom. After he had negotiated a bridal price for her, the groom would seek her approval of the arrangement by pouring a cup of win and handing it to her. By this act, he was saying 'I offer you my life'. At that moment the potential bride had a decision to make. If she did not care to marry the man, she could refuse the cup. But if she was willing to marry him, she would take the cup and drink from it. By her actions, she was saying, 'I receive your life, and I give you mine in return.' Then preparations would begin for a wedding celebration, which included the grooms returning to his father's house to build an additional room where the marriage would eventually be consummated."

Think about the Last Supper....Jesus served the first communion. Jesus when offering the cup to His disciples was in essence saying "will you marry me?" I now look at communion from a different perspective....Jesus is asking me to marry Him and the cry of my heart is YES my Lord, YES. Jesus promised the disciples that He would prepare a place for them & you in John 14:1-3. How awesome is my Lord, that I am my Beloved's and His desire is towards me.

Lent & Sacrifices

I have been reading a few blogs and I feel I must put something on my own blog about Lent & sacrifices. Many religions observe Lent.....the 40+ days before Easter as a time of cleansing and reflection of what Christ accomplished on the cross. Many people ask me what "religion" I am, I tell them I have relationship.....religion is going through the motions, relationship is going through the emotions and really getting to know Jesus first as Savior, then Lord of one's life, then as Friend, and ultimately Bridegroom. But if I had to put a label on myself, it is Full Gospel. I don't observe the Lent season, but I do daily die out as God's word commands. I fast, pray, & spend time in the Secret Place with my Lord. I love to scripture dive, some call it reading God's word, but it is better then dumpster diving....you always come out of it with a precious nugget or two and smell a whole lot better then dumpster diving!

I have read a few blogs where folks are stating what they are giving up for Lent, and frankly I am saddened. It appears that man has taken God's command to fast, cleanse & purge oneself to a specific time line and have missed the whole point. God required a sacrifice for the people of the world's sin and He provided the perfect Lamb in His Son Jesus. If you ever watched The Passion of Christ, produced by Mel Gibson, then you get a pretty good idea of the depth of sacrifice Jesus made for you and me. The blogs I have read stated people where "going to go to church 1 day a week" as their Lent sacrifice. Granted they may have small children and at best I would call them going to church with small children an inconvenience at best, but not a sacrifice. We are commanded by God to "not forsake the assembly of believers" which means we should NOT forsake going and gathering with other believers. There is such strength and edification in attending church weekly. There is such love of the brethren that cannot be duplicated by any other activity....besides there is strength in numbers. The corporate anointing when believers gather for the right purpose, worshiping God, is so awesome and powerful it can put flight to ten thousand like God's word says.

According to my buddy Webster, to sacrifice is the forfeiture of something highly valued for the sake of one considered to have a higher value or claim; the act of offering something in homage to. A sacrifice costs something....not necessarily monetarily, but it costs something. Going to church is an act of obedience, not a sacrifice by definition. In my opinion and by definition a proper sacrifice in this season of Lent would be "fasting" a favorite food or one meal a day.....fasting negative speech & attitudes (this one is a toughie....you would be surprised how much negative stuff we say about ourselves, others and life in general).....fasting a TV program we would hate to miss.....heck just shutting off the old TV and spending more time with God in prayer and scripture diving!

Man has taken the very essence of God's word and twisted it to conform to man's lifestyle and agenda. I think it is time for all "Christians" to get back into God's word, back on their knees and get back to the real meaning of what it means to be a Christian....the very word means little Christ! I think it is time for all of us to get out of our selfish selves and get back to the basics of God's word....get back to the business of the Father. Many so called "Christians" are going to go through the motions of this Lent season....give up something they deem a sacrifice...then when Easter is all over they are going to go back to their old ways and habits....they bring out their Christianity a couple times of the year by attending church around Easter & Christmas and put their Christianity back on the shelf and do their own thing.

The true definition of repentance is to #1 acknowledge the sin, #2 confess the sin and ask God for forgiveness #3 to turn completely the opposite way you were walking and start walking the life of Christ.....not to acknowledge, confess, seek forgiveness and then keep doing the same old thing. We are not to be conformed to this world but transformed by the very word of God! To be conformed is an outward thing....but to be transformed is an inward work of Christ....to become His glorious image...to become His hands and feet to those around us; this in essence is the progression from servant to friend to bride! May you make this Lent season a daily season beloved brother/sister in Christ. May you come to fully understand all that Jesus gave up and sacrificed for you....you are the precious pearl He gave all to have! May you surrender your rights and desires to obtain His character & will. It is a sweet surrender, a perilous journey but an excellent one nonetheless. God Bless!

Sacrifice of Service

Still pondering and churning around in my spirit this servant, friend, bride thing. Last night at church all I could do was cry and weep at His awesome feet. Pastor asked if I needed prayer, I told her I had no clue what was going on other then I just couldn't stop crying and I felt somewhat dead inside. During her study on Song of Solomon (yep a deep topic) she eluded to why I am such a "hard hat zone" these days. Back at the first of the year, my beloved Pastor/Shepherdess received the word of the Lord for the year "Be fruitful & multiply within"....meaning we are to be fruitful & multiply into His image first within each person, then our immediate body, then the immediate body of Christ, then into the world. Lot to do in such a short time it would seem. She & I also started discussing the 3 types of people that are at the wedding feast.....the servants, the friends, & the bride. It was then I uttered a prayer.....Lord I want to be Your bride.

You know when we tell God or ask Him to do something we must always remember He will! So back to last night, last night in the middle of her talk on SOS (sounds a bit funny huh?) she looks straight at me and tells me that what I am going through should give me such joy in the midst of such pain. I am engaged! Yep engaged to the King of kings & Lord of lords....that thought alone is what is moving me closer to what He desires....a beautiful spotless bride. I am fully engaged to the Lord and He is fully engaged in me, transforming me into His glorious bride. Here I thought I was in Servant stage....but somehow, somewhere I went to the next stage which is Friend. In the Friend stage you keep serving. Somehow I went through this stage to now being groomed as Bride....what a whirlwind adventure.

Some of what He is pulling out of me in the midst of this transformation I have His mercy and grace to not look upon it. Some of it He is showing me with His tender mercy and with His grace I am overcoming it. I find how He does things quite interesting in the midst of this.....His banner of love is over me and He keeps speaking words of encouragement & hope everywhere I turn.

Yesterday's Oswald was "The Delight of Service" 2 Corinthians 12:15 "I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls....." The delight of sacrifce is that I lay down my life for my Friend Jesus Christ (see John 15:13). I don't thow my life away, but I willingly and deliberately lay it down for Him and His interests in other people. All I could say was WOW when I caught my breathe after reading this....for I have prayed Lord let me spend and be spent for You.

Today's Oswald....well hang onto your shorts as granny would say.... "The Destitution of Service" 2 Corinthians 12:15 "...thought the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved." Paul's idea of service was the same as our Lord's. he did not care how high the cost was to himself -- he would gladly pay it. It was Paul's delight to spend his life for God's interests in other people, and he did not care what it cost. Again...WOW....it is crazy! I had spoken to the Lord when I first came back to Him "my life for You" and have rededicated myself to Him throughout the past 9 years. God has called me Esther many times over the past 9 years.....Esther only had one goal in the midst of her preparation time, to find out what pleased the king and to fulfill that goal. I like Esther have been discovering what pleases my Lord and been quick to give to Him what pleases Him most....my heart, my life, my worship, my devotion....as meek and meager it may be.

A good friend this morning gave me Philippians 2:13 this morning "for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure." So there by the grace of God go I.

The Determination to Serve

The first step of serving is the thought of serving and putting feet to that thought, purposing in one's heart to serve. "The Son of Man did not come to be serve, but to serve....." Matthew 20:28. Oswald Chambers put it this way "Once we realize that Jesus Christ has served us even to the depths of our meagerness, our selfishness, and our sin, nothing we encounter from others will be able to exhaust our determination to serve others for HIS sake."

So what does it mean to "serve". According to my friend Webster....to serve is "to work for, to prepare and offer, to provide goods and services for, to assist, to be of assitance to or promote the interests of, to spend or complete, to fight or undergo military service for, to give homage and obedience to, to act toward another in a specified way, to meet the needs or requirements of, to deliver or present." When we "wait" upon the Lord we really are serving Him, such as a waiter would serve in a restaurant.

What/how do you serve the King of kings and Lord of lords? What do you serve Him.....simply put you serve yourself.....you give Him anything/everything He asks of you. You give Him first and foremost your heart. God's word says "worship the Lord with all your heart, mind & soul." To worship Him in the manner He is most deserving we human beings lack on our own what is required. But HE is ever faithful...whatever He requires He readily provides. We all were created to worship....it is within us, if we would only remove ourselves and let our hearts sing the songs of worship they were created & indued with.

When we truly love God....I mean truly....serving Him is as easy as breathing. You won't think about how, when, or where....you will truly be a human "being" and will serve without realizing. Second thing needed to serve...availability. A very dear Pastor & friend told me to just "be". What does that mean? Well it means to just relax in the Lord....don't strive or struggle....just be the best Bert I can be for the moment and to just relax in God's love. When I relax I find I can be more readily HIS hands & feet to those around me without much effort or thought. When I try it in my "own" power it is exhausting. Relax and make yourself readily available and the Lord will do the rest. HE will bring those that need help along your path, you won't have to go or look far! Even in my meagerness, what seems my lack, I can still serve Him by serving others. Sometimes it is a sacrifice financially, but God always makes up the difference in abundance. Sometimes to serve others is just simply being God's arms of comfort with a hug.....sometimes it is just caring and praying for the person.....sometimes it is a sack of groceries given when no one notices.....sometimes it is just a card or note of encouragement when someone is down.....sometimes it is a smile towards a stranger in the grocery store, you never know just that smile might brighten someone's dreary day.

Seek God's wonderful face and HE will show you how to become His hands & feet....the very hands & feet of the most wonderful Servant of all. God Bless!