Removing the mask, discovering me.

Tonight while surfing Facebook, a friend of mine posted an article that I found freeing.  Here is the link http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/being-christian-doesnt-always-look-you-think-it-should#eTjJBFTcxCxz6qX3.01.  Hopefully I added the link thing right & you can go read it for yourself.

I had attended what I thought was a great church & in some ways it was great.  I was taught the proper fear of the Lord, what worship is & isn't, I learned who God is & isn't.  I basically went from a baby to a mature Christian.  There were many good times & memories.  Then my little church closed, my then husband left me, my whole world crumbled or so I thought.  There are times when God has to strip away the false to reveal the real in our lives.....mine has been a few years in the making.

What I thought was a "good" church was in some ways a good church, but in retrospect & reflection I see where there was a spirit of manipulation at play in folks lives & the ministry.  When the church closed I felt like I had failed the ministry some how.  Rumors were flung around so others could be elevated in the eyes of the Pastors.  What I thought were my friends & mentors turned out to be false.  It was a confusing time in my life.

I admit, I have been floundering....hence why no posts in a LONG time.  I would feel the urge to write, but then thought I wasn't worthy of being His scribe anymore.....I didn't live up to the "Christian" image as I was taught I had to portray.  I still don't feel worthy to pen anything in His precious name, but I am feeling the urge of the Lord to be real & transparent in ways I have been trying to shield.  So hang onto your shorts....this could be a bumpy ride for both of us.

I was taught a "Christian" was perfect.  We don't have bad days, bad thoughts or feelings.  We are not to lose our cool. We are to be an example to the world.  After reading the article "Being Christian Doesn't Always Look Like You Think it Should" I saw my mask just crumble.  I am NO where perfect.  I don't always maintain my cool.....to be honest I am rather hormonal & quick tempered lately.  I am not always kind.....to be honest some days I say what is on my mind & find myself rather unfiltered.....which can be a good thing, but can also be rather detrimental.  Side note:  If my being honest & unfiltered has hurt anyone.....I humbly ask for your forgiveness.  In my attempts to be real....to be truly transparent & not "sugar" coat stuff I can be rather brash.

That leads me to another thought.  Why did we as a society become a blaming society??  I heard a co-worker today utter the words well my mother/father are responsible for the way I act.  I mean SERIOUSLY??  When I am wrong....which is about every moment of every day.....I am big enough to own up to my mistakes & not blame it on others.  If I said something wrong....it was me that said it, no excuses.  If I did something wrong....again it was me that did it, no excuses.

Let's face it folks....we are ALL human....quite subject to error.  There was only one perfect person...Jesus.  Heck He was/is & forever shall be God incarnate.  God Himself in human form to show me He CAN & does relate to the troubles & trials of my life.   It is by HIS mercy & grace I get MANY do overs....many opportunities to do it or say it His way...the right way.  I am so flawed & so imperfect, but God is SO loving & SO patient to give me the time & opportunity to be a daily work in progress.  One fine day Jesus will come again & when He comes then & ONLY then shall I finally be PERFECT.  In the mean time, grab your hard hat, come near me if you are brave enough.  I will be working daily to get this thing right more than I do now.

God is calling, will you answer?

I spoke with my friend Linda; scribe of the Psalmist's Corner.  She & I are in agreement that God is calling His church to repent & get back to business....the Father's business.  I have had a feeling in my spirit that we (the body of Christ & not just me) have disconnected from our first love.  We have forsaken Him.  We have forgotten our first love.  Linda has been feeling the same thing.

Jesus should be our first love, our first priority.  I once walked so closely with Christ that I heard & felt the moving of the Spirit on a daily basis.  I have moved away from that  myself.  God, Jesus & the Holy Spirit hasn't moved, I did.  I need to get back to that spot of worship & communion.  I have been loving Jesus like earthly man has.  I have viewed & operated in a relationship like earthly man does.  He wants to do so much more in & through us then we have been willing to allow.  I want to live abandoned again.

I guess that is why I have moved back to the first principle.....loving God.  I started reading "Falling in Love with Jesus" by Dee Brestin & Kathy Troccoli.  I am taking one day at a time to learn once again who Jesus is, how much He loves me, rediscovering once again the joy of His salvation.

Once we, the church, rediscover & reconnect with Christ we can then get about doing the Father's business His way, not our way!  The church these days is just a meeting place for Christians to pat one another on the back.  A place to feel good about ourselves.  The Church is supposed to be a refuge & resting place for those that need the Hope of Christ & a safe place to abide in these troubling times.

The world is getting crazier as my Beloved Lord foretold to His disciple on the isle of Patmos.  He is coming of that I have no doubt.  I don't want to be left behind, but rather I want to partner with Him in these final days, hours, weeks, or months before He comes & well after He comes back.  Want to join me in this journey?

Still alive studying at the Psalmist's Corner

I haven't posted in so long it almost seems foreign to me.  So much has transpired since my last post.  I found myself walking in the midst of prophecy.  I got married according to God's promise & found myself in the midst of a new church body.  I am still not sure what my place & purpose is just yet, but know I am there for a reason & purpose.  It's just a matter of time finding out the what & why.

A dear friend of mine started writing.  Her column is called the Psalmist's Corner.  She hasn't made it to the blog world yet so I will gladly post what she has given so far.  Here is her letter from April 2014:

"Happy resurrection day from the God of the Second Chance.  It's never more evident than at this time of year that God is the God of the second chance.  It's here in the Scripture John 3:16 & 17 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.  For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the word, but that the world through Him might be saved.

Notice I did not say the God of Second Chances.  Our whole life after we accept Jesus as our Savior is a second chance until the day we die.  Years ago, God told me this:  Linda you are not your mistakes & your mistakes are not who you are.  This is so right.  After I accepted Jesus, I am not just God's creation, I am God's child.  When I do make a mistake I go to the Father in Jesus' name, I repent in Jesus' name & am forgiven in Jesus' name, & go on with my life of the second chance.

For 2014:  Every prayer we have ever spoken, wailed, travailed or wept is still in front of God in the throne room.  When we speak them they take on substance & are manifested in the throne room of God.  They are being charged & ignited' being formed into answers by the power of God. God is getting ready to charge the atmosphere all around us as the answers are being released & sent to us here on earth.  Feel the electricity in the are all around you.  The air is charged with the creative power of God.  Be excited as we are about to receive answers from God.  Answers, Answers, Answers, Power, Power, Power!  Feel it, connect with it!!! No more delay, no more waiting, now moving in time with God.  Instant backing & response from God. One with Jesus & flowing with the power of the Holy Spirit.  Lord let the atmosphere around us be charged with Your power & glory.  Amen."

The Power of the Promise of Abundant Life

At our weekly Bible Study we are looking at the promises of God.  This week is the Power of the Promise of Abundant Life.  John 10:10 states "The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy.  I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly."  But exactly what does abundant mean?  According to Dictionary.com abundant means "present in great quantity; more than adequate, over sufficient, well supplied, abounding, richly supplied, to be filled."

Bottom line......the Father loves us.  Why?  Well God is love and He cannot act contrary to His very nature. He created us for fellowship.....to share His extravagant love.  He loves us so much that to build the bridge between sinful man and Himself, He sent His Son, Jesus Christ to die for our sins.  He wants us to live life abundantly.  Now this doesn't mean having a life full of things & material stuff.  It means living richly in Christ Jesus.   Living filled with the love of God.  Abounding in His mercy & grace.  Richly supplied with the fruits of the Spirit to face any circumstances of life to overcome them.

When I reflect on the past few years of my life, even in what seemed like a dark lean time I truly lived an abundant life.  Oh yes, in the natural it was rather lonely at times, but I was surrounded by many friends who love me & prayed me through.  All my earthly needs were met & I didn't lack for any good thing.  I was able to give richly what God so amply supplied.  I really didn't lack for any good thing.  God was my husband & provision.

When I became content with what I had,God decided to bless me even further.  He gave me the desires of my heart.  A husband, a new home, a new church family.  When I went through this week's lesson, I had time to reflect with God all the good moments and all the rough things He brought me through.  I am learning to be a conqueror as promised & spoken of in Romans 8:37 "Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."  More than conquerors - to over conquer, to conquer completely without any real threat to personal life or health.  

1 John 5:5 poses the question "Who is he who over comes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?"  The word for overcomer comes from a Greek word meaning to conquer, to have victory, to have superiority or a conquering power.  Saving faith is the first characteristic of an overcomer.  The term "believes" conveys the idea of continuing faith throughout one's life....good times or bad.  Faith that God is who He says He is and that He is faithful to sustain us in all circumstances.

Love is the second characteristic of an overcomer.  The overcomer not only believes in God, but loves both God & fellow believers. I am not talking about fickle man's love but real love.  1 Corinthians 13:4-8 spells out clearly what real love is "Love suffers long & is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails."  I am still learning how to love like God does, to be kind to those who aren't kind to me.  Not an easy feat on my own, but through Christ I can do all things.

Obedience is the third characteristic of an overcomer.  Let's face it faith, love & obedience exist mutually in a dynamic relationship.  The genuine proof of love is obedience.   If you love someone, I mean love like God loves, you will want to do things to please them, things that will delight their heart.  Same with our relationship with God  If we truly love him we can't help but be obedient to His Spirit.  The way I see it we have the promise of Abundant Life & God has equipped us to achieve this by His example.....by our relationship with Jesus & through the promptings of the Holy Spirit.

Make yourself a journal of all the things God has brought you through.  Get into His word and allow the Holy Spirit to reveal God's truth & promises in His word.  Get some good praise & worship music & have a dance party when the mully grubs try to rise up & envelop you.  Surround yourself with godly friends to help pray & encourage you through rough times.  But most of all, persevere, don't give up, keep on keeping on walking with the Lord.  It's an excellent if not precarious journey, but one worth taking.  God Bless.

Still Around but Busy

Hello blog world.  I am still alive.  So much has happened since my last blog.  I got a few prophesies about God bringing me a husband and family and boy did He!  I married a man that I have known for over 18 years now.  My Doug & I first met when he worked as an Electronics Tech where I work.  I actually helped him with some of his procurement.  We have been friends all this time, would talk when we ran into one another.  Doug is everything I told the Father I wanted in a husband and can't be happier.

My walk with the Lord is getting stronger.  I have changed my home church and am settling in with a great group of folks.  It's my husband's home church and I couldn't be happier there as well.  I am enrolled in a Precept Bible Study course on Covenant.  My dear friend Deborah Lynn taught a time or two on covenant before so some of what I am studying is what she taught.   But there are some nuggets of revelation that I am getting that I didn't know or see before.  God's word is so alive and active if we would just read it with an open mind and allow the Holy Spirit to reveal His truth.

Today is Easter Sunday.  One of my favorite holidays of the year....the other is Christmas.  YES both centered around my Beloved Bridegroom King.  A day of remembering that He isn't dead in some tomb, He is alive!  Because He is alive so am I.  Beautiful weather here in Indiana on an Easter...nice change too.

Today in church when Pastor Dale was preaching he hit upon Jesus preaching the Sermon on the Mount.  I got to thinking about the Beatitudes.   The Holy Spirit was prompting me, The BEatitudes.  Check it out....Matthew 5 Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, ² and he began to teach them.

The Beatitudes

He said:

³ “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴ Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
⁵ Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
⁶ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
⁷ Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

¹¹ “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.¹² Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Be poor in spirit doesn't mean be poor or sad it means be humble.  Be a comforter to those in trouble with the comfort with which we ourselves were comforted by God (2 Corinthians 1:4).  Be meek, be hungry & thirsty for righteousness. Be merciful, be pure in heart, be a peacemaker.  Be joyful even in persecution.  Be rejoicing  & glad in all circumstances.  Guess this is the lesson for the season.  Will have to get back in the habit of blogging so I can let you know how my progress is.

In Awe of His Grace

Am doing a daily devotional I picked up at Dollar General for like $5.00.....bargain!  It's "I Lift Up My Soul" by Charles Stanley......good read, great devotions.  Today's was "In Awe of His Grace".  It got me to thinking today.  The scripture reading for today was Psalm 43:3-5....go grab your Bible and look it up!  The key verse was Proverbs 14:27 "The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, to turn one away from the snares of death".  It got me to thinking about fountains and how water is essential to life.  Deep stuff, too deep to put here for now.

One thing that jumped out the most to me was in the body of Mr. Stanley's commentary for the devotional.  "Each time a scribe would come to a passage containing the name of God, he would lay down his stylus & go wash his hands.  The scribe did not feel worthy to print God's name without cleansing & humbling himself before the Lord.  There was an aspect of godly fear in this action that seems foreign to us today.  Do you fear God for who He is? Are you aware of His awesome power & presence in your life?"  A powerful thought followed up with 2 interesting questions that got my mind to working.

Do I really fear God for who He is?  To fear isn't to shake in horror, it means to honor & revere Him for who He is......do I really fear Him?  To be honest I'd like to think so, but I have a tendency to sometimes over analyze things....especially when it is me that I am analyzing....my heart, my motives, etc.  One some levels I am in awe & reverent towards God, but sometimes like most I do slip into thinking He is just like me....dangerous ground when we do that.

Am I aware of His awesome power & presence in my life?  Yet another good question of which I have pondered and have sought to answer honestly.  Again I'd like to think so.  Most days I am very aware of His power & presence in this life I foolishly like to call my own, but some days I am so full of me I can't see or feel Him.....UGH!  When I wake up in the midst of those days I wish I could effectively kick my self in the rear!  Why do we as humans do that??  Escapes me other than we get to thinking we can conquer the world so much we forget we are but filthy rags & can't effectively accomplish squat without God's direction & guidance.  Silly human!

I had a dear friend tell me tonight that he is surprised with my knowledge of the Bible that I would not be seeking a larger "stage".  He isn't saying I am not wanted where I am, but seems to think that perhaps I could be of better use in Leadership or a bigger church.  I am quite happy where God has planted me.  I am here to get rooted again, to gain strength before He plants me elsewhere.  Would I like to be teaching full time again instead of sporadically like I do now?  Yeah, I thoroughly enjoy studying the lessons before giving them & there is always something new to learn.  Would I like to be in leadership again like I was?  Yeah, but I am wise enough to not go seeking a "title" or "position" without God initiating & arranging it for me.  I know if I "go for it" without it being God's plan, if I get out of His timing I am setting myself & anyone connected to me to fail.  Been through a church closing & don't care to go through it again anytime soon!  As much as I love my dear friend, I love God more & will continue to patiently wait for Him to position me where He chooses as best for my life & those around me.  There is much to do in the waiting & so many blessing when the waiting is over.

Time Flies When You are Having Fun

Time flies when you are having fun, guess I missed something there.  How things have changed since my last post.  Yes I am still alive, yes still struggling a bit with who I am in Christ and all He desires to do in me.  I haven't posted since January.....haven't felt compelled to write like I was.  Have fallen in the "routine" of work, home & church....a rut.  But as a wise person told me tis better to be in a rut rather than a grave as a rut has a way out in the ends whereas a grave is just a whole with only one way out & that is up.

Still single, still living with my two rather large & hairy roommates.  Not much has changed geographically and externally.  Internally things have been shifting and shaking....more shaking really.  God has me in a place where I am sorting through the junk in the closet of my heart.  I am coming more at peace with being single, sorting through some forgiveness issues and learning to de-clutter my heart.  I am still a hard hat zone...a work in progress albeit the progress might seem slow to some, it is right on target with my Beloved Lord.  Pray my beloved friends that God's will will prevail in this life I keep trying to claim as my own.  That I will get the desire to write again, as I know folks really do hit on this blog from time to time and some actually stick around to read it.  Again the disclaimer....this isn't an educational blog from the perspective of everything can be found in books and has been scientifically proven.  The purpose of this blog was and still is to journal my own personal journey with the Lord in the hopes that someone might be in the position I was in and it would give them a bit of hope.  Well must dash, must get ready for church.  I am teaching again, part time.  This morning's lesson is "Living Confident in Christ".  Seems He has me teaching on topics I need to learn the most.  Truthfully some days I am confident in Him and secure in His love, other days not so.....guess I needed a reminder and so do my fellow brothers & sisters in Christ.  HUGZ & be blessed.