Still Around but Busy

Hello blog world.  I am still alive.  So much has happened since my last blog.  I got a few prophesies about God bringing me a husband and family and boy did He!  I married a man that I have known for over 18 years now.  My Doug & I first met when he worked as an Electronics Tech where I work.  I actually helped him with some of his procurement.  We have been friends all this time, would talk when we ran into one another.  Doug is everything I told the Father I wanted in a husband and can't be happier.

My walk with the Lord is getting stronger.  I have changed my home church and am settling in with a great group of folks.  It's my husband's home church and I couldn't be happier there as well.  I am enrolled in a Precept Bible Study course on Covenant.  My dear friend Deborah Lynn taught a time or two on covenant before so some of what I am studying is what she taught.   But there are some nuggets of revelation that I am getting that I didn't know or see before.  God's word is so alive and active if we would just read it with an open mind and allow the Holy Spirit to reveal His truth.

Today is Easter Sunday.  One of my favorite holidays of the year....the other is Christmas.  YES both centered around my Beloved Bridegroom King.  A day of remembering that He isn't dead in some tomb, He is alive!  Because He is alive so am I.  Beautiful weather here in Indiana on an Easter...nice change too.

Today in church when Pastor Dale was preaching he hit upon Jesus preaching the Sermon on the Mount.  I got to thinking about the Beatitudes.   The Holy Spirit was prompting me, The BEatitudes.  Check it out....Matthew 5 Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, ² and he began to teach them.

The Beatitudes

He said:

³ “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴ Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
⁵ Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
⁶ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
⁷ Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

¹¹ “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.¹² Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Be poor in spirit doesn't mean be poor or sad it means be humble.  Be a comforter to those in trouble with the comfort with which we ourselves were comforted by God (2 Corinthians 1:4).  Be meek, be hungry & thirsty for righteousness. Be merciful, be pure in heart, be a peacemaker.  Be joyful even in persecution.  Be rejoicing  & glad in all circumstances.  Guess this is the lesson for the season.  Will have to get back in the habit of blogging so I can let you know how my progress is.

Time Flies When You are Having Fun

Time flies when you are having fun, guess I missed something there.  How things have changed since my last post.  Yes I am still alive, yes still struggling a bit with who I am in Christ and all He desires to do in me.  I haven't posted since January.....haven't felt compelled to write like I was.  Have fallen in the "routine" of work, home & church....a rut.  But as a wise person told me tis better to be in a rut rather than a grave as a rut has a way out in the ends whereas a grave is just a whole with only one way out & that is up.

Still single, still living with my two rather large & hairy roommates.  Not much has changed geographically and externally.  Internally things have been shifting and shaking....more shaking really.  God has me in a place where I am sorting through the junk in the closet of my heart.  I am coming more at peace with being single, sorting through some forgiveness issues and learning to de-clutter my heart.  I am still a hard hat zone...a work in progress albeit the progress might seem slow to some, it is right on target with my Beloved Lord.  Pray my beloved friends that God's will will prevail in this life I keep trying to claim as my own.  That I will get the desire to write again, as I know folks really do hit on this blog from time to time and some actually stick around to read it.  Again the disclaimer....this isn't an educational blog from the perspective of everything can be found in books and has been scientifically proven.  The purpose of this blog was and still is to journal my own personal journey with the Lord in the hopes that someone might be in the position I was in and it would give them a bit of hope.  Well must dash, must get ready for church.  I am teaching again, part time.  This morning's lesson is "Living Confident in Christ".  Seems He has me teaching on topics I need to learn the most.  Truthfully some days I am confident in Him and secure in His love, other days not so.....guess I needed a reminder and so do my fellow brothers & sisters in Christ.  HUGZ & be blessed.

Holy Spirit Greenhouse

Yes, I know I haven't been blogging. No excuses other then I just haven't felt much like writing. I am back for now with a bit of wisdom to share of where I have been. I had found myself in God's Holy Spirit Greenhouse. Ok before you call the looney bin on me, give me several seconds to explain. If at the end of my tale you find it fit to make the call then so be it.....just means more folks for me to witness too! :o)

I have felt so isolated and alone the past several months and it wasn't until today I got the glimpse of why the isolation. I was consoling a good friend who is in a rough dry place right now. Not unlike the one I had been myself. I made the statement to her that we are plants in God's garden. Like any garden in the natural there are bugs and elements that can damage a tender young and even a hardy older plant.

Sometimes in the natural you have to remove plants from the garden and put them in the greenhouse to nuture and heal them from the damage(s) sustained in the garden. God does the same with us. He will isolate us to heal us, to nuture us, to train us to reach out to Him and His glorious Son for all we need. Well that is what this past season was. I didn't recognize it for what it was, but I did use the time wisely I think.

God has spoken through His prophet and my friend that the cloak of loneliness is being lifted. Like we shield a plant from the frost of the fall & harshness of winter; God has shielded me from the world and those in my life....or rather from those He removed from my life. I was isolated in His greenhouse being healed, strengthened, trained, etc. Why would such a loving God do such a thing to a person?? It is BECAUSE of His love for me that He did and does. Doesn't make sense to the mind in the natural but when you sit back and ponder the meaning of the greenhouse it makes perfect sense.

God has planted me in a new garden. He has put be beside some new plants...aka new and true friends, for a season I know. He has commanded me to bloom where He has graciously planted me. Daily I lift my spirit, soul & body to the Son. I soak in all the nourishment of His glorious presence. I am but a daisy in God's garden of roses....plain and often overlooked, but such a delightful joy of simpleness in a splended garden. Be blessed!

From Hurt to Healing

It has been over a month since my last post. God has been working in my life taking me from hurt to healing. It is a slow process that has had many tears but then tender moments of joy at His feet. God doesn't desire I should be alone, He wants me to be alone for a season. Something this social butterfly is struggling with....I don't deal well with being alone....something I have learned over this past year. Yes beloved friends it has been a year since the announcement of divorce was made....it was a shock to me when the Lord reminded me of it this morning.

I had/have such a weight of loneliness upon me....it is almost like a smothering cloak upon my heart. I have done nothing but weep for the past 3 days. I did have company yesterday, but even though it was nice to have someone to talk to the emptiness and loneliness was still there and got increasingly large and heavier as the day went on. But this morning the Lord took me, thanks to my new Pastor, to Genesis 50:20...this is the passage where Joseph is talking to his brothers "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today." God reminded me that several in my life last year said and did things to mean harm to me and my walk with Him. But God meant to use all of that for good. We are called according to Matthew 5:13 to be the salt of the earth. One thing salt does is it add flavors, but it is also used to preserve. I was put here on earth to preach the Gospel, to pray for the preservation of those around me...I am salt....a bit sharp to the taste but given so live could be given.

God then used Pastor to take us to James 1:2-3 "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." Some translations have the word patience in lieu of steadfastness. Tests and trials of life are given by the Father to test our attitude. When that cloak came upon me all I could do is weep and cry out to God. I had already made plans to spend Saturday with a friend and tried to fill that emptiness in my heart with the friend...but it wasn't the right fit. So I spent last night crying out to God about this loneliness and how I don't want to be alone. God spoke to me in church this morning that He wants me alone so I will rely solely upon Him...and that is a good thing, but my flesh doesn't quite see it this way.

God wants me to be patient in the waiting, but I so desire and crave human companionship and love. I guess that is why this cloak of loneliness seems so heavy. In God's reality it is a light weight shirt of sorts, but to my flesh and it's longing it is a heavy laden blanket. I am trying to be patient, to wait for the one that God has set aside for me, but it is so lonely in the waiting. I am trying to not jump for the first one that shows me love and affection for it can very well be a false love. Am prayerful that this season won't last any longer then necessary. In the meantime, I wait. Some days I can be quite patient....other days not so. Today is a not so day.....but I wait. In the midst of the waiting and loneliness God is healing me. Showing me His hands in all that I have endured for the past year. Taking my garments of mourning and slowly converting them to garments of praise. Taking my moments of sorrow and weeping and turning them into joy. It is a hard long journey and some days I feel like I can endure anything for the love of my Lord, but other days it is weary and dreary....but still I wait a bit longer for all of this because ultimately it is for the preservation of someone else. This picture is much bigger then just me and I need to remember that in this leg of the journey.

Don't Pay the Ransom

Ok I know the title of this one is a bit odd, but I couldn't help thinking of my dad. When he hasn't called or written in a long time, he will usually start a phone conversation or a short note in a card with "Don't pay the ransom!" I haven't blogged in goodness gracious MONTHS! I am sure some of my blog friends are wondering is she in hiding again or did she fall off the face of the earth. Nope am ok as ok can be. Props to my Dad, if you are by the grace of God actually using a computer and reading this, I love you Pops and will call soon.

Yes, I guess I have been hiding of sorts. Hiding in the shadow of the wings of God Almighty. Sitting here getting healed up and re-commissioned to do the next leg of this journey. I am reading 2 book simultaneously right now....Loving Your Life by Victoria Osteen & A Love Worth Giving by Max Lucado. I am getting the impression I may or may not have the love of my life in the natural in my life right away, but then again only God knows for sure. I believe God is calling me to embrace my life such as it is right now. I am putting my hope in His hands for a mate, but learning to be content with my 4 legged roomies for now...even if my sweet Lovie snores worse then a band saw and when they get in the bed with me I am stuck with them bogarting the covers!

I also am getting the impression that God is giving me something I have desired all my life, but not in the way I think He should give it. God is giving me the love of a lifetime....Himself rather then the earthly man I think He should give me. Isn't it interesting how we think we know better then God, but in reality we don't know jack! God is giving me something I haven't been able to give others fully....Love. I don't think I have truly loved or been loved, so this is something new and wonderful to discover about my Father, my Lord, my Beloved Bridegroom King....His awesome love.

Every where I turn it is love, love, love. The steadfast love of God that I posted on here a few months (ok an eternity) ago. I hear it being preached from the pulpit at church. Why even Valentines' Day didn't totally stink this year. Monday's are typically rather brutal at work, but it was quite the opposite....God granted me a day of bliss at work. No one negative, I seemed to have accomplished quite a bit in spite of all the work that seemed to keep piling up on my desk. When I got home there were little trinkets of His affection in my mailbox. My federal tax check came in....earlier then anticipated. My sticker for my car registration came in earlier then the BMV had said it would....I know, what do they really know huh? LOL There was a package from Day Spring...a necklace I had bought for myself for Valentines' Day, but truth be known I think Jesus picked it out. A heart inscribed with "I am my Beloved's & He is mine." Yeah just like Jesus huh? But the icing on the cake of the day was a card from Thy Word Network. A local radio station I made a donation to at least 1-1/2 to 2 years ago. Seems I was chosen by the staff as a person they were keeping in prayer for the week....now I wonder who nominated me! Like I really needed to wonder.

God opened up the windows of Heaven and blew down kisses just for me. I felt and still feel like the most blessed gal in the world. My Father loves me, just like I am sure my Pops loves me too. Isn't it wonderful to know that the ransom was paid in full on that horrible yet glorious day at Calvary. So if anyone asks....don't pay the ransom, my Jesus already did!

How Like God!

~I just clicked "post" on my last posting. I took 2 minutes to check my private email and saw the latest TGIF (Today God Is First) Devotional. Yeah I subscribed and they send me nuggets of wisdom daily. Well if you read the previous post then you will understand why I just copied and pasted this one. How like God to give a nugget when you need one the most....gives us such hope and encouragement....enjoy and I pray it speaks to someone else's heart today like it did mine.~

Confrontation With God
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1 by Os Hillman
Tuesday, October 05 2010

"They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor." Isaiah 61:3b
"God, is this the way You treat someone who is faithful to You?" I yelled out loud on the top of the wooded hill where no one but God could hear me. "I have waited and waited and now this! I hate You, God! I have had enough!" Those were my words that day as I wrestled with news of an event that devastated me to the point where I broke down weeping.

As I sat there among the trees deciding what else I could say to God, I was speechless. I was angry. I was confused. I wondered if He even existed. If He did, I felt like He really didn't honor my faith and obedience. I sat for hours wrestling internally with my feelings.

Finally, without answers and sensing that God wasn't answering me, I turned to leave. I had been sitting on an old oak tree that was broken at the base. The tree pointed toward the base of another huge oak tree. Finally, a still quiet voice inside said, "Today, like this broken oak tree you are sitting on, you are a broken man. But this brokenness was needed in order for you to become this large oak tree you see."

Months and even years had passed with many struggles. But God was true to His word from that day. He began to replace the pain and disappointment with an inner joy that only His grace could provide.

Have you ever wrestled with the events of life, feeling that God has deserted you? Have you been honest with God? He is the kind of Father who is willing to have those difficult conversations. He won't always change things, but His purposes will be accomplished and peace will come if you trust. Trust Him this day with those things that are most difficult.

~Looks like I am not the only one who is brutally honest with God. How many times these past few months I asked that same question "God is this how you treat someone who is faithful to You?" God is already aware of the things in my heart and He seems to honor my honesty even though it may break His beautiful heart to hear my brutal honesty. To read that I am not alone in asking such brutal questions of Him makes my soul relax a bit...that it is ok to be that blunt and honest with God. Have a good talk with God today...tell Him all the stuff that is on your heart....the good, the bad, and what might seem ugly and not suitable to tell the King of kings. Nothing makes the heart lighter then being able to share even the darkest nastiest parts of our heart with a good friend who won't judge you but love you through it all. That is my God, my Lord, my Savior, my Friend...loving me inspite of the darkeness of my heart.~

Steadfast Love

I have been pondering the steadfast love of God. So the best place to begin is always the beginning. According to Websters steadfast means 1)fixed or unchanging, steady. 2)firmly loyal or constant; unswerving. Steady means 1)firm in position or place; fixed. 2)direct & unfaltering; sure. 3)free from change, variation, or fluctuation; uniform. 4)not easily excited or upset. 5)unwavering, as in purpose; steadfast. 6)reliable; dependable. 7)temperate; sober.

Kind of sounds just like God doesn't it? God is love. He is unchanging, steady, firmly loyal and constant; unswerving, direct, unfaltering, sure; free from change, variation, or fluctuation. He is reliable, dependable, temperate and sober. Kind of gives you insight into who He is and what He is about. To love like He does seems impossible, but if we let go and let Him have His way it will be as easy as breathing. Yeah I want love like that in my life not only from God but from a significant other. I also want to be able to love others with that type of love....unconditionally, unswerving, dependable, unfaltering....His love isn't based on performance like man's love....it isn't conditional but a free gift to all who receive it.

Steadfast Love of God

I was in church about a week ago. Pastor Tim had preached out of Psalm 32:7-8 but I had read the remaining verses of the Psalm. One thing caught my eye...verse 10 "Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord." My heart skipped a beat when I saw "steadfast love". I have been married 2 times and I don't believe what I experienced in either marriage was "steadfast love". Since then I have been in and out of God's word....when I am in it seems where ever I am reading I am reading "steadfast love" in the scripture(s) for the day.

"What does love look like?" is a song sung by Misty Edwards out of the International House of Prayer. You can check it out here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2ZCIp0HiRo. Between this song and the "steadfast love" that I can't escape from in the scripture has me pondering and seeking. I believe steadfast love was what compelled Christ to fulfill prophecy...to leave His home in heaven, to become flesh, to have all the weight of sin from that time to eternity placed upon Him, to be the propitiation...the sacrifice for my sin. So I am on a slight detour....what does love look like? what is steadfast love...THE steadfast of God look like and what are the benefits of obtaining such in one's life.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 in the Amplified reads "Love endures long & is patient & kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited(arrogant an inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it (it pays no attention to a suffered wrong). It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything & everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fade-less under all circumstances, & it endures everything (without weakening). Love never fails (never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end)." In light of this, I can honestly say I did not love like I should have. The world has put it's own justifiable twist to something so simple, so complete. Love to the world is conditional, but to God it just is...it is an absolute truth that cannot be twisted or changed. Love like God just is....can't be explained, bought, sold or traded....it just is.

A dear friend, mentor, mom, confidant gave a good word today in church....she spoke about being Callified. How God calls us and it is our choice whether we answer that call...whether we rise up to meet the challenge of that call. One of the conditions of rising up to meet the challenge of the call was/is truth. To live, breathe and operate in truth....not the world's synthetic version of the truth where it changes like folks change their underwear...where it changes at a whim....but God's absolute truth. Not unlike 1 Corinthians 13:4-8...God's absolute truth about love. So here is the truth folks....I have been living a country song. I have been looking for love in all the wrong places. We all crave and desire to be loved, but this world's version of it will just leave us empty and longing. So I am on a quest...no need to pack my bags or take vacation time....a quest of seeking out God's steadfast love. What does it look like? Already have a glimpse or two...Jesus and God's absolute word. How can I make it a part of who I am?

My dear friend also mentioned that this season we are in is a preparation time. This Esther is rising up for a time such as this. A preparation time of love for the next chapter of this book of life I try to call my own. A preparation time of love that will be so like His pure love to be poured out like a drink offering over those around me....so hold on dear ones that are in my inner circle for the shower of love so fresh & new. But also a preparation time of love for that one special person that God is simultaneously preparing for me. Hope springs eternal once again in my heart....thought I had lost it along this journey along with love and a few other things. I will post what I discover about steadfast love. But I challenge any and all readers today...start your own quest and then let me know what you discover.

Living Word

I have been sick the past few days and hadn't been able to focus very well, but this morning I am feeling better and I sat with my Lord & devotionals this morning in the sunshine. I am working through 3 devotionals daily....The Daily Bread, My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers, & Daily With the King by W. Glyn Evans. I read and I ponder...today's pondering comes from Daily With the King, "When Jesus Becomes Incarnational"

John 1:1-2 "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God." WHO was the word? Jesus, Himself, gave us the answer when He said, "I AM the word, the truth, the life." Let us rephrase what God said...."in the beginning was the Word (Jesus), and the Word (Jesus) was with God, and the Word (Jesus) was God." Jesus is the Word......the Living Word.

Back to Mr. Evan's thoughts "Jesus did not write a textbook about theology, He lived it. John 1:14 "The Word became flesh and dwelt among us." I know of another instance that the breathe of God became flesh....Adam. It has been referred that Jesus is the second Adam....but that is fodder for another blog ;o). One of the things we Christians should be doing, not out of duty but out of love for God, is being in the Word. I just love it when God gives me "word" plays......we are to be in the Word. We are to be reading and living the Word of God.....but we are also supposed to be in the Word....in Jesus. I can hear the calls to the nut house already....hang up your phone, put down your stone, take a seat and let me finish HIStory....don't you just love that word play HIStory. Let's do a little scripture diving....hey don't take my word for it, grab your bible and follow along.....

1John 4:7-16 Don't frown, this is a bit long of a read but ALL things work for HIS glory and our good and this will surely be good for you. Did you check out verse 9? "In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him." How about verses 12-13? "No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected (matured) in us. By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit." Still not convinced?? Keep reading down to verse 15 "Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him and he in God." Now go back to our beginning verse....ha don't you love that play on words...beginning verse....John 1:1 "In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God."

Did you catch it? Are you in the Word daily getting your portion? Are you allowing the Word to become active and change the life you are living? Remember we are not our own, we were bought with a price, redeemed by the blood of the Lamb. Today's thought brings back a song I heard from the Rock Church in Baltimore...."Mark My Life" Mark my life, mark my life, so all will know I am Yours, cause a flood of Your glory, to fill all those around me, & mark my life with Your love." I encourage you dear reader to allow God to mark your life with HIS love & HIS Word. Have a blessed day!