Reconciliation

There have been several times in my life where God has called me to go and seek forgiveness from someone who has wronged me. Logically to the human mind it is the "offender" who causes the break in a relationship that should assume the responsibility for reconciliation. But God has put the responsibility upon me and I never could quite fully understand the "why" factor.....until this morning.

I am going over my Sunday school lesson, God & Bro. Walker have asked me to do in Bro. Walker's absence. It is on the Supremacy of Christ....from Colossians 1:15-29. It was in verses 19-20 I got my "why" answer...."For it pleased the Father that in Him (Christ) all the fullness should dwell, and by Him (Christ) to reconcile all things to Himself (God), by Him (Christ), whether things on ear or things in heaven, having made peace through the blood of His (Christ's) cross."

All the fullness of the Father dwells in Christ and it is by that Fullness that indwelling the Father chose/chooses to reconcile sinners to Himself. It is the fullness of Christ or one could say God dwelling within me by the Holy Spirit that chooses to be reconciled with the one that offended me. God can't help Himself. He created man for relationship and He provided the Lamb to ensure that relational bond remains between Himself and man. Wow if that doesn't give one pause to ponder and a reason to worship I don't know what does. What love the Father has for us His children....He made provision for us long before we were created. Let us be continually reconciled with not only the Trinity, but with one another. Hugz & blessings.

Walking Away

I thought all those in my life that God has called to walk away had walked away.....until today. This past weekend I was going to post a funny on a friend's page and was shocked to see that I had been deleted from their page. I had sent another "Add me" friend request, but didn't get a reply...good or bad. Today on my lunch break I texted said friend. What I got back wasn't the response I had hoped for....they said they were done with me.

Why you ask? Heck I am still trying to sort that out myself. Bottom line that I can figure is they are a willing ear to the lies of the enemy. Oh yes, God knew ahead of time what was happening and was allowing the enemy to sift me like Job. He allowed the enemy to play his petty games, but God & I got one up on ole slew foot. As grieved as my heart is to have yet another person turn their back upon me based on lies and rumors, I know my God has something even better in store for me. God's promises are true and strong.

The enemy had hoped I would walk away from God because of this sting, but foolish imp he is....it didn't work the first time and it won't again. My heart is grieving at the loss of a long time friend and confidant. I am prayerful that someday they will be loosed from the grip of the enemy and turn their heart back towards God. I am not cursing their leaving but am choosing to bless them as they go. Praying a hedge of protection about them as they stomp all over my heart.

Even though my heart is grieving it is also hopeful; for I am clinging onto the one who gives me hope. For God has promised me new friends, stronger friends, friends that will stick close to me almost as well as He does. Yeah, I am still lonely and my dogs are getting rather tired of me talking to them....but I know someday soon I will be surrounded by true friends, godly friends, family. Until then I sit, wait and refuse to be the one to walk away.

Holy Spirit Greenhouse

Yes, I know I haven't been blogging. No excuses other then I just haven't felt much like writing. I am back for now with a bit of wisdom to share of where I have been. I had found myself in God's Holy Spirit Greenhouse. Ok before you call the looney bin on me, give me several seconds to explain. If at the end of my tale you find it fit to make the call then so be it.....just means more folks for me to witness too! :o)

I have felt so isolated and alone the past several months and it wasn't until today I got the glimpse of why the isolation. I was consoling a good friend who is in a rough dry place right now. Not unlike the one I had been myself. I made the statement to her that we are plants in God's garden. Like any garden in the natural there are bugs and elements that can damage a tender young and even a hardy older plant.

Sometimes in the natural you have to remove plants from the garden and put them in the greenhouse to nuture and heal them from the damage(s) sustained in the garden. God does the same with us. He will isolate us to heal us, to nuture us, to train us to reach out to Him and His glorious Son for all we need. Well that is what this past season was. I didn't recognize it for what it was, but I did use the time wisely I think.

God has spoken through His prophet and my friend that the cloak of loneliness is being lifted. Like we shield a plant from the frost of the fall & harshness of winter; God has shielded me from the world and those in my life....or rather from those He removed from my life. I was isolated in His greenhouse being healed, strengthened, trained, etc. Why would such a loving God do such a thing to a person?? It is BECAUSE of His love for me that He did and does. Doesn't make sense to the mind in the natural but when you sit back and ponder the meaning of the greenhouse it makes perfect sense.

God has planted me in a new garden. He has put be beside some new plants...aka new and true friends, for a season I know. He has commanded me to bloom where He has graciously planted me. Daily I lift my spirit, soul & body to the Son. I soak in all the nourishment of His glorious presence. I am but a daisy in God's garden of roses....plain and often overlooked, but such a delightful joy of simpleness in a splended garden. Be blessed!

From Hurt to Healing

It has been over a month since my last post. God has been working in my life taking me from hurt to healing. It is a slow process that has had many tears but then tender moments of joy at His feet. God doesn't desire I should be alone, He wants me to be alone for a season. Something this social butterfly is struggling with....I don't deal well with being alone....something I have learned over this past year. Yes beloved friends it has been a year since the announcement of divorce was made....it was a shock to me when the Lord reminded me of it this morning.

I had/have such a weight of loneliness upon me....it is almost like a smothering cloak upon my heart. I have done nothing but weep for the past 3 days. I did have company yesterday, but even though it was nice to have someone to talk to the emptiness and loneliness was still there and got increasingly large and heavier as the day went on. But this morning the Lord took me, thanks to my new Pastor, to Genesis 50:20...this is the passage where Joseph is talking to his brothers "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today." God reminded me that several in my life last year said and did things to mean harm to me and my walk with Him. But God meant to use all of that for good. We are called according to Matthew 5:13 to be the salt of the earth. One thing salt does is it add flavors, but it is also used to preserve. I was put here on earth to preach the Gospel, to pray for the preservation of those around me...I am salt....a bit sharp to the taste but given so live could be given.

God then used Pastor to take us to James 1:2-3 "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." Some translations have the word patience in lieu of steadfastness. Tests and trials of life are given by the Father to test our attitude. When that cloak came upon me all I could do is weep and cry out to God. I had already made plans to spend Saturday with a friend and tried to fill that emptiness in my heart with the friend...but it wasn't the right fit. So I spent last night crying out to God about this loneliness and how I don't want to be alone. God spoke to me in church this morning that He wants me alone so I will rely solely upon Him...and that is a good thing, but my flesh doesn't quite see it this way.

God wants me to be patient in the waiting, but I so desire and crave human companionship and love. I guess that is why this cloak of loneliness seems so heavy. In God's reality it is a light weight shirt of sorts, but to my flesh and it's longing it is a heavy laden blanket. I am trying to be patient, to wait for the one that God has set aside for me, but it is so lonely in the waiting. I am trying to not jump for the first one that shows me love and affection for it can very well be a false love. Am prayerful that this season won't last any longer then necessary. In the meantime, I wait. Some days I can be quite patient....other days not so. Today is a not so day.....but I wait. In the midst of the waiting and loneliness God is healing me. Showing me His hands in all that I have endured for the past year. Taking my garments of mourning and slowly converting them to garments of praise. Taking my moments of sorrow and weeping and turning them into joy. It is a hard long journey and some days I feel like I can endure anything for the love of my Lord, but other days it is weary and dreary....but still I wait a bit longer for all of this because ultimately it is for the preservation of someone else. This picture is much bigger then just me and I need to remember that in this leg of the journey.

Don't Pay the Ransom

Ok I know the title of this one is a bit odd, but I couldn't help thinking of my dad. When he hasn't called or written in a long time, he will usually start a phone conversation or a short note in a card with "Don't pay the ransom!" I haven't blogged in goodness gracious MONTHS! I am sure some of my blog friends are wondering is she in hiding again or did she fall off the face of the earth. Nope am ok as ok can be. Props to my Dad, if you are by the grace of God actually using a computer and reading this, I love you Pops and will call soon.

Yes, I guess I have been hiding of sorts. Hiding in the shadow of the wings of God Almighty. Sitting here getting healed up and re-commissioned to do the next leg of this journey. I am reading 2 book simultaneously right now....Loving Your Life by Victoria Osteen & A Love Worth Giving by Max Lucado. I am getting the impression I may or may not have the love of my life in the natural in my life right away, but then again only God knows for sure. I believe God is calling me to embrace my life such as it is right now. I am putting my hope in His hands for a mate, but learning to be content with my 4 legged roomies for now...even if my sweet Lovie snores worse then a band saw and when they get in the bed with me I am stuck with them bogarting the covers!

I also am getting the impression that God is giving me something I have desired all my life, but not in the way I think He should give it. God is giving me the love of a lifetime....Himself rather then the earthly man I think He should give me. Isn't it interesting how we think we know better then God, but in reality we don't know jack! God is giving me something I haven't been able to give others fully....Love. I don't think I have truly loved or been loved, so this is something new and wonderful to discover about my Father, my Lord, my Beloved Bridegroom King....His awesome love.

Every where I turn it is love, love, love. The steadfast love of God that I posted on here a few months (ok an eternity) ago. I hear it being preached from the pulpit at church. Why even Valentines' Day didn't totally stink this year. Monday's are typically rather brutal at work, but it was quite the opposite....God granted me a day of bliss at work. No one negative, I seemed to have accomplished quite a bit in spite of all the work that seemed to keep piling up on my desk. When I got home there were little trinkets of His affection in my mailbox. My federal tax check came in....earlier then anticipated. My sticker for my car registration came in earlier then the BMV had said it would....I know, what do they really know huh? LOL There was a package from Day Spring...a necklace I had bought for myself for Valentines' Day, but truth be known I think Jesus picked it out. A heart inscribed with "I am my Beloved's & He is mine." Yeah just like Jesus huh? But the icing on the cake of the day was a card from Thy Word Network. A local radio station I made a donation to at least 1-1/2 to 2 years ago. Seems I was chosen by the staff as a person they were keeping in prayer for the week....now I wonder who nominated me! Like I really needed to wonder.

God opened up the windows of Heaven and blew down kisses just for me. I felt and still feel like the most blessed gal in the world. My Father loves me, just like I am sure my Pops loves me too. Isn't it wonderful to know that the ransom was paid in full on that horrible yet glorious day at Calvary. So if anyone asks....don't pay the ransom, my Jesus already did!

Are Things in Order

My birthday is vastly approaching as well as the Christmas Holiday. It has me reflecting over this past year of my life. Today I went to the First Assembly of God and Pastor Turner was preaching still from The Beginning...the book of Genesis Chapters 2 & 3...he didn't quite get as far with his sermon so it was more of Chapter 2 then 3.

He was talking about man's role in the garden. In verse 15 it says God took the man and put him in the garden to tend and keep it. Note that it was man that God put there, no mention of woman as she wasn't even created yet. God has a specific order for creation and for life. Man was put in the garden to tend (to set it in order) and to keep it (to maintain and to protect it). Man was charged with the responsibility of the garden; we find that in verse 16. We can correlate that to life today. Man was and still is charged with the responsibility to set into order, to maintain and to protect his garden....his home...his life. Now man isn't supposed to set things into order according to his own desires and demand, but according to God's will, desires and commands. Big difference there.

In verse 18 God decided that man should have a helper comparable to him. Man was incomplete without someone to complement him in fulfilling the task of filling, multiplying and taking dominion over the earth. So in verse 21-22 God did just that. He took a rib from Adam's side and created woman. She was created to come along side of Adam to help him. Not taken from Adam's head to where she ruled over Adam and not taken from Adam's foot where he ruled over her. A co-heir, a co-worker, a co-mpanion.

Verse 24 we see that they became one flesh. They were in unity of parts making a whole...working smoothly and perfectly together as one. There wasn't a battle of the sexes...there wasn't any competition.

I have been reflecting off and on of where things were out of order in my marriages and where I failed to be in "order" according to God's creation. Marriage #1 I see my ex wasn't in order according to God's word. He ruled over me and I became his servant rather then his helper the way I was created to be. It was out of balance and destined to fail. Marriage #2 I see my ex also wasn't in order according to God's word. He left all responsibility on my shoulders to do everything...and me being the self preservation/control freak I allowed it to go that way for a season too long. I had seen how things weren't in the proper order and I was trying to make course corrections but ex #2 wasn't willing to take dominion nor responsibility as he needed to.

God is showing me my place so to speak in a "godly" marriage. Right now everything is falling upon my shoulders for a season. How long it will last only God knows that answer. My task for the moment is to trust God to provide like a husband should. Yes, I am still doing the dishes, cleaning etc all by myself. But there is coming a day when God will bring me the man He has set aside for me alone. This man will rise up in Godly authority and allow me to be the helpmate I was created to be. I will be submissive and surrender all authority and responsibility to him and be the helpmate. God is using this time with me to not only get my head in order, but my spirit & soul as well. I pray I am worthy of this man He is bringing to me. That I will be a blessing and joy to this man. I wait...........

Identity Theft

Well I am without a church again it seems. Ah well, to wander, to visit, to seek God and where He wants me again for how ever long. Sheep Shed has decided not to do Sunday services, so it is church hopping again....but this time it is with a different attitude of heart. Instead of a sorrowful wounded heart it is with a joyful and expecting heart I seek again. Pastors Clark have been called to higher things, they weren't necessarily called to have regular Sunday services. So it is with a joyful heart I pray them through this season & ministry God has them in. Love you Clarks!!!!

I visited a church not far from my home this past Sunday. Was wonderful to be in the house of God worshipping with hungry people. God's presence was so thick and warm and wonderful. I believe there was an open heaven above the place and God was poised and ready to do miracles if anyone had the faith to ask. Yeppers, I prayed blessings and such for that body of believers and am looking forward to hearing about the miracles God and I spoke about...nope like wishing on a star, I am not gonna tell!

Pastor spoke about our purpose on earth....what we were created to do back in the garden, but also here and now. It got me to thinking about what has had happened to me and where God is taking me. Seems my identity was stolen, or rather obscured by the wounds inflicted upon me by people, the enemy and me beating myself upside the head with that rattin frattin condemnation brick. You know the one we all pick up when we make a mistake and beat ourselves senseless with. But I also realized that some of the "wounds" I have sustained aren't really wounds but rather where surgery was performed by the Master Potter's hands. He has lovingly stripped (although it may not feel like it) away things and people that have been a hinderance to me becoming who I was created to be....but also hinderances to our relationship.

I am learning how to love me and Him more. I have discovered that I indeed haven't really loved or been loved like Christ loves me. I have had 2 marriages, but haven't really been loved like I so desire and deserve. So I have been making it a daily habit of thanking the Lord for one more day to try to get things right; to try to be His hands & feet; to be His ambassador; for His love and devotion of which I am SO not worthy of; and also for His hand of protection over the man He is grooming just for me. Yes there is hope in my heart to finally love and be loved again....hope springs eternal is what my granny used to say. Never fully understood it until now. Yes the holidays and my birthday are VASTLY approaching at a rate that makes one's head spin. Whether I am alone or with anyone for these celebrations is yet to be determined...but one thing is for certain...whether with anyone or alone God will be right there. Loving me, protecting me, providing for me and adoring me.

Father I am thankful for this stripping away the mistaken identity that I had. I am thankful for the surgery you have and are still yet performing on me. I am thankful for the bits of my soul that have been transformed and have surrendered. I am thankful that no matter how much I turn away or want to run I can never escape You...that You are not going to let me go no matter how "bad" I think I have been. I thank You that my identity is secure in You...the real Bert....not this fake, phoney, plastic one the world and those in it have fashioned for me. I love You Lord and am Your humble servant, friend & bride to be.