Remain Faithful to the End

Remain faithful to the end was a word the Lord spoke to me back in October when I was questioning whether my little church was closing. Who knew back then what all He was calling me to be faithful to when He spoke this. On this side of the knowing, I wouldn't have changed a thing.

Since getting that word my little church had closed and I remained faithful to the ministry until it was finished. I was asked to tithe an extra month after we quit having services, to which I was faithful to do. Did it make sense? Oh no, to my analytical bean counting mind it surely didn't, but I remained obedient.

Now I have been called to yet another "be faithful to the end" moment. I am facing divorce, which is something I don't want. I desire reconcilliation, but my desire isn't the same as my spouse. Am I angry? Oh yes very much so. Do I feel like I have been taken advantage of? Oh yes, very much so. But inspite of that, I keep hear resounding in my spirit "be faithful until the end."

Does this mean the divorce is going to be a reality? I have no clue, it is all in the Master's hands...He is the Author & Finisher of my faith and only He knows this answer. My part, remain faithful to the end....whether it ends in 60 days or 30 years. Inspite of how I feel, I have to keep asking myself moment by moment WWJD...what would Jesus do, what would Jesus say....moment by moment it is a refining journey. A leg of the journey of letting go of my hurt, my disappointment, my rights to be right, my self defense....of letting go and letting God. Is it easy? Oh my no but then again yes. It isn't easy letting go of the control, especially when my life seems so out of control and beyond my grasp at the moment. But it is easy for when I let go I let God be God and let Him handle all the stress.

I know this post may be quite shocking to some of my friends; but God has called me to be transparent before the world. To my friends,I say keep me but especially my husband in prayer. Why more prayer for him? He is walking in rebellion, very much struggling and desperately in need of God right now even though he doesn't see that.

Yes I need God now and I have Him....He is with me through all of this and He keeps reminding me through His word, His people even through songs on the radio. I am pressing into God's presence during this time....seeking His glorious face, reading His word and allowing it to wash over me to heal me of my hurt & disappointment, I am praising Him with everything within me even though my heart is anything but celebratory.

Will He require me to be faithful to the end of more then this? My head and heart tell me that this very well could be the case. Faithful to what? Only He knows and He hasn't shown me yet what it is. Unlike us humans who require everything instant, God is very selective about what He wants done and in what time frame. So here I am, at Jesus' feet once again....broken, transparent & so much in love with Him that I am willing to die to whatever He calls me to.

I have to laugh a bit, because before this bit of being faithful was revealed to me I had told my new brothers & sisters in Christ that I was a "hard hat" zone right now. Before this and even in the midst of this God is requiring me to surrender my soul to Him. I am a hard hat zone not unlilke a construction site where hard hats are a must! I told my brothers & sisters in Christ that being close to me means they might get hit by something.....if it was good & God then I pray they allow it to change them into His image.....if it was something bad and from my flesh I apologize right now before it happens.

God has surrounded me with brothers & sisters who allow me to cry on their shoulders and to lean on. People to gird me up in support and prayer. Thank you each and everyone of you, my heart may be hurting right now, but it is also very full with the love and support I am receiving from each and everyone of you. Many hugs my dearest friends....I love each and everyone of you!