Yield the right of way

Gracious I have felt so out of control this past 2 weeks...I mean majorly out of control. It seems utter chaos at work, at home it seems like nothing I do or say is right with my spouse, & I have even been questioning my internal motive of following my Beloved Lord. So out of control to the point of tears & utter exhaustion physically & spiritually. And then Oswald.

I have an Oswald Chambers "My Utmost for His Highest" calendar on my desk. It gives me a scripture and Oswald's perspective of what he gleaned from each scripture...quite good yet quite piercing. It cuts me to the quick so many times but it is an exquisite hurt. The kind of hurt that hurts your heart that is so following God, but it isn't a physical pain such as a paper cut. This kind of hurt is a good hurt because it makes you question your own beliefs....do they really line up with the word & will of God or you own agenda.

I borrowed the book "My Utmost for His Highest" from my beloved shepherds & friends. They are such gracious Pastors....they love me unconditionally like Christ....still can't quite fathom why, but they do and they are always there to hear me out when I am out of control and help ground me and regroup me. I find myself thanking God for these 2 in my life. I pray everyone that reads this finds their own spiritual father & mother.....there is such a life of blessing when you do.....ah but that is another post....back to the one at hand.

Friday at work I discovered thanks to Oswald why I felt so out of control. Then I borrowed the book and got further insight....Thursday 3/12 was TOTAL SURRENDER - Mark 10:28 "Peter began to say to Him, 'See we have left all and followed You.'" Total surrender will always go beyond natural devotion. If we only give up, God will surrender Himself to embrace all those around us and will meet their needs, which were created by our surrender. Beware of stopping short of total surrender to God. Most of us only have a vi son of what this really means, but never have truly experienced it.

Friday 3/13 was GOD'S TOTAL SURRENDER TO US - John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave..." In our surrender, we must give ourselves to God in the same way He gave Himself for us -- totally, unconditionally, and without reservation. The consequences and circumstances resulting from our surrender will never even enter our mind, because our life will be totally consumed with Him."

Then came Saturday 3/14 YIELDING - Romans 6:16 "..you are that one's slave whom you obey.." The first thing I must be willing to admit when I begin to examine what controls and dominates me is that I am the one responsible for having yielded myself to whatever it may be. If I am a slave to myself, I am to blame because somewhere in the past I yielded to myself. Likewise, if I obey God I do so because at some point I yielded myself to Him."

So I haven't surrendered myself to Him, but I have yielded myself to myself. Ah the tricky "self" thing reappears in my life. Several years back the Lord prompted me to H (representing Him/Her) SELF....ok put it together HSELF....now spell it backwards FLESH....yep when we are working, operating in him/herself we are operating in flesh....but when we operate in Him we operate in Spirit....ugh...that flesh thing again. Somewhere I had yielded myself to my flesh again...the very enemy of my soul & spirit man! Where did I give into the wiles of my flesh? When? How? Then I read further.....

"No release or escape from it will ever come from any human power, but only through the power of redemption. You must yield yourself in utter humiliation to the only One who can break the dominating power in your life, namely the Lord Jesus Christ. " So here I am, back at what seems square one....back at the altar of sacrifice. You can't get to the Holy of Holies without first passing the altar of sacrifice....to lay your bull on the altar. Then it is onto the brazen laver, to be washed and cleansed. Then it was to the entryway into the Holy Place where the priests would put on their clean garments and enter in to minister to the Lord.

Back to the altar to lay my bull upon it. My independence, my pride, my self preservation, my fears, my need to feel superior..and so on and so on. Lord forgive me for selling myself so shortly by yielding to my flesh yet again. Help me Holy Spirit to die out yet again to my flesh...but this time help me to really kill it, not just to stun it. Help me to yield MY right of way for HIS will of way which is the right of way.