Never an inconvenience

I had a situation this past week that caused my heart to sink but my focus to go straight to the Lord. On Friday I had called a family member to make inquires of a personal nature.  Rather than getting an "Are you OK?" or "Do you need prayer?" like I had hope to get I got "Ask, I am packing for vacation."  I don't know if they meant the tone that was received, but it felt like I was a total inconvenience especially as the conversation went further along.  Frankly it was cold & broke my heart......yes I cried buckets at the feet of Jesus.

Saturday morning when I woke up, I still had that crummy feeling like I was now not only an inconvenience to the 1 but perhaps many people in my life.  I went about the day with my head down & my heart really down.  In the afternoon, I attended a wedding with my beloved husband & my beloved Jesus.  The bride was so beautiful, the groom so attentive to her that when the pastor asked them to hold hands he didn't let go.....not even when they hugged their family at the end of the ceremony.  Yes this got the wheels turning in my head about Jesus, but I laid the thought to the side, considered but not fully pondered.

Sunday morning while listening to the choir singing & the pastor preaching I got the overwhelming feeling of love.  The though I had Saturday was back in my head & I had a moment to ponder.  Jesus never considered me an inconvenience when He prayed in the garden, never an inconvenience during the beating He took at the hands of fools, never an inconvenience when He was hung between 2 thieves.....even the 1 who asked to be remembered wasn't an inconvenience but a welcomed loved one.

Jesus died for me, He died for all.  We were never inconveniences but moment to demonstrate His own & the Father's love for us.  Moments to heal & reconcile....moments of opportunity.  This got me to thinking of how I treat others in my life.  I have pondered this thought this entire week & I was very mindful of how I treated everyone I encountered at work.  God surprised me on Thursday with an Employee of the Month award.....His little way to reward me for being faithful to hear, receive, & act upon every lesson He gives me....even when they hurt.

My prayer today on Resurrection Sunday is to draw ever closer to Him.  To be more like Jesus, to ever hear the promptings of the Holy Spirit & to treat everyone as an importance & not inconvenience.

To "perform" or to "minister" that is the question.

I heard someone say today that they "perform" to an audience of One. Something just didn't sound right to my ears nor rang well with my spirit.  So being the studious student that I am, I of course Googled both definitions and set to pondering.

To "perform" is to "adhere to the terms of (as in a contract); to do in a formal manner according to a prescribed ritual; to give a rendition of; to carry out an action or pattern of behavior; to give a performance; to play".  To "minister" is to "to give service, care or aid; to attend, as to wants or necessities; to contribute, as to comfort or happiness".

Knowing the difference is crucial in these times & days ahead.  To perform is to go through the motions without opening one's heart & life.  It is to just do with no feeling or thought.  To minister is to open one's heart & life to be poured out like a drink offering.  Jesus didn't peform the act of sacrifice; He ministered as the act of sacrifice.  Jesus gave up everything He was & had so that we could be reconciled back to God the Father....no performing there.

This leads me back to the question God asked me in church last week...."Why are you here?"  Why do we go to church week after week?  Do we go to "perform" or to "minister" to that audience of One or are we there to be seen among men?  Are we there to give service, care & aid to those in the body of Christ?  Or are we there to give a rendition of being Christians?  Are we there to minister as in to attends to the wants & needs of the Father or our own stinking flesh?

Cutting questions that each of us has to examine & look at with a sincere heart & spirit.  I know I have been examining my own motives, heart & spirit lately.  I encourage you to do the same.  Why are you going to church?  If you are not going....why aren't you?  Are you performing or ministering?  Who is the one you are ministering to....your flesh or God when you do or don't go?  

I learned how to worship God when I first started this journey.  I learned to hear His still small voice & to move accordingly.   I was so head over heels in love with God & couldn't wait to get into His presence.   But then I allowed man to talk me into thinking I wasn't having a true & honest relationship with God.  I allowed circumstances & the actions of others to make me question everything I knew was true & right.  I have been calling out to God that I want what was lost between He & I by allowing man in & pushing Him away out of doubt & fear.

While walking on my treadmill the other night I cried out once again to God.  I realized I can't have the relationship of the past because that is where it belongs in my past.  I can have a fresh new & mature relationship with Him now.  A relationship of honesty of heart; a relationship that has weathered the storms of trial & the days of triumph.  I have come to realize I am still hungry for His amazing presence, to read His wonderful Word, I am still desiring to sit before His feet to learn His heart & needs, I am still desiring to minister to Him & Him alone; ministering not performing to an audience of One....the Only True One.

Ask yourself the cutting questions, answer them honestly, get before God & pour out your heart & life to Him.  If you want to save your life, give it totally away to God & He shall preserve it.  Matter of fact your life will be all the richer for it.  Oh yes, there will be trials & tribulations....hard times & heart ache, but the investment of yourself in to Christ is totally worth it.  Especially on the days when you can honestly see where your life has been & how it has grown in Him.  As for me, I have a walk to do not only on my treadmill today, but with my Savior helping others.  Have a blessed day.

Hernia, Ice Cream & Sin

Odd title, I know.   You may be thinking exactly what is the common theme?  How do these three tie together.  Well with God there is always a connection.......

About a year ago I was diagnosed with gastritis & a hiatal or stomach hernia.  VERY painful if I don't eat the right foods.  Some foods trigger my gastritis to act up which causes the hernia to hurt.  Some of the foods that trigger it are some of my favorites.  Yep you guessed it ICE CREAM or any dairy....am ok with some cheeses, but not all.

I was at the grocery store & they had a sale on those gallon buckets of ice cream.  To beat it all, it was my favorite brand too; Prairie Farms.  Oh, I not a snob, I like all flavors of ice cream & chocolate being my ultimate favorite.  But there is something SO compelling about Prairie Farms plain ole, I feel myself drooling, Vanilla.  It is so creamy & deliciously vanilla.  Yes I found one of those buckets following me home like a lost puppy found.

I thought a scoop or two wouldn't hurt me; I hadn't had any ice cream or very much dairy in my diet in a very long time.  I could control myself & ration that bucket out for at least a month or two if I was careful.  My husband wasn't much help.  A couple scoops one night turned into a couple scoops every night for about 5 days in a row.  As you can imagine, my gastritis started my stomach a churning.  This caused pain in my stomach to increase & cause irritation to my hernia which started hurting.  Very uncomfortable sitting, sleeping, just being alive; pain FULL.

I was in church praying the pain would go away when the Lord reminded me that I caused my own pain.  Ice cream like sin doesn't seem too harmful in small doses or little things.  But if one doesn't see ice cream (or sin for that matter) as harmful & continues to partake of it oh the pain it will cause later on.  We can find ourselves in a bitter & painful season.  How God uses the ordinary to explain the heavenly purposes of life.

I repented for the gluttony & for thinking I knew what was better for my life than the Great Physician does.  I have avoided ice cream & asked the Lord to remove all temptation for it from me.  I am pleased to report that although I am not totally healed of my gastritis it is getting better every day I CHOOSE not to partake of any dairy & other foods that irritate it.

If you find yourself in a vicious cycle as I did, but with sin, be of good cheer.  Jesus is right there waiting for you to recognize the error of your ways.  Waiting for you to recognize what is amiss & wrong with your life.  Waiting for you to repent for partaking in whatever sin you find yourself caught up in.  Waiting for you to realize & repent for thinking you can do this thing called life without Him.  Watching & waiting for you to return to the lifestyle He desires for you to have a happy, healthy & abundant life.  Invite Jesus into your heart & life today......He is well worth the effort just like & MORE so than my putting the effort into watching my diet is worth it for me.

Am I speaking Chinese?

I have had many instances this week where I have talked to people or sent emails only to end up in confusion like I was speaking  Chinese or some other foreign language.  It was very frustrating & a few times I did lose my cool.

I was in church this morning wondering if God even hears me.  Well I am pleased to say that yes, indeed God does in fact hear every word I say....especially my prayers.  He has been very faithful this week to give attention to what I am saying & requesting.  He has been doubly faithful to answer my prayers.  Yes to the world I may be speaking a foreign language but my Heavenly Father I am speaking plain & clear.

It is awe inspiring when I have these God encounters.  Had a second encounter when talking with my sweet friend Mary.  She asked me to pray for her grand daughter a couple months ago.  Today she caught me after church, said she wanted to introduce me to her grand daughter.  She further stated that her grand daughter knew me.  Turns out I we met at a few church meetings a mutual friend used to hold in their barn.  Such a small world when we really think about it.

Been a very interesting day for sure, but one thing I have come away with is that we ALL can come as we are to God.  We can come at our best & our worst.  Matter of fact, it is when we are at our worst....be it spiritually, financially, emotionally, physically....that God desires we come to Him to receive His love, His blessings, His healing...but first on the list is His gift of reconciliation with Him through the loving gift of His Son, Jesus.  There is a song by Crowder called Come As You Are....here is a link for the YouTube video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2zhf2mqEMI, but below are the words.  God doesn't just want the lost sinner, He is calling today those who are burdened, sad, broken hearted, those who are sick in body as well as spirit.  He is calling all His children.  Will you answer that call?

"Come As You Are"

Come out of sadness
From wherever you’ve been
Come broken hearted
Let rescue begin
Come find your mercy
Oh sinner come kneel
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can’t heal
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can’t heal

So lay down your burdens
Lay down your shame
All who are broken
Lift up your face
Oh wanderer come home
You’re not too far
So lay down your hurt
Lay down your heart
Come as you are

There’s hope for the hopeless
And all those who’ve strayed
Come sit at the table
Come taste the grace
There’s rest for the weary
Rest that endures
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can’t cure

So lay down your burdens
Lay down your shame
All who are broken
Lift up your face
Oh wanderer come home
You’re not too far
So lay down your hurt
Lay down your heart
Come as you are
Come as you are
Fall in his arms
Come as you are
There’s joy for the morning
Oh sinner be still
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can’t heal
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can’t heal

So lay down your burdens
Lay down your shame
All who are broken
Lift up your face
Oh wanderer come home
You’re not too far
So lay down your hurt
Lay down your heart
Come as you are
Come as you are
Come as you are

Still around & still amazed at God

I know, I know; I haven't blogged in what seems like eternity.  Frankly, I got too busy.  Busy with just life & sadly too busy to blog.  But much to the chagrin of the enemy, I am still around & still amazed at God.  Amazed at His wonderful loving kindness, at His creative beauty in creation, still amazed He loves me when I am painfully neglectful of Him.  God is more than I ever imagined & better than I ever deserve.  I love You Father, I love You Jesus, I love You Holy Spirit....blessed Trinity I stand in awe of You.

I subscribe to & DO read "In Touch Ministries" devotionals.  Tonight's was beautiful & set my mind on my truly amazing Father....God.  It started out with Isaiah 40:12-31.....NOPE I am not going to have a spoiler alert....you MUST go read it yourself.  But I will give you a link, www.biblegateway.com where you can go & find God's living word.  The devotional that goes with the companion scripture is as follows:

"If you ask a group of people what God is like, you will receive many different answers.  Some will say He is a force somewhere in the cosmos, while others picture a benevolent grandfather type who overlooks "little sins."  Most of the time, the description given will reveal more about the speaker than about the real Jehovah.  In fact, the true God might surprise you.

As the Father reveals Himself in Scripture, one word that's never used when referring to Him is "it."  God IS (emphasis mine) a person; in every reference, He is given a name (Yahweh, Elohim, Lord) or referred to by masculine pronouns (He, Him).  He fits all the attributes of personhood -- intelligence to reason, emotions to feel, & the will to make decisions.  From Genesis to Revelation, God displays these features.

Scripture also shows God's immutability.  Let us be clear about what that means:  Neither the Lord's nature nor His character ever changes -- He is always Spirit, and His love remains constant.  We can all expect that God's principles & laws will hold true & that He will act exactly as He has promised.  While He does adjust His emotions to fit a situation; delight, anger & other feelings are nuances of His being, not new traits.

God is eternal -- He has no beginning or end.  He is the same yesterday, today & forever.  No one created Him; God simply is.  That's hard for humans to understand, but if the Lord were completely explainable, He would be like us & unworthy of worship.  If we are to honor the Father, we should know Him as He really is -- eternal & unchanging."

I was blessed & reminded by reading Isaiah 40:12-31 of WHO God is.  Reminded by this devotional of His nature & that unlike people He is eternal & will not fail.  I am reminded of my Father, of my first REAL love....Jesus.  Reminded that I just need to slow down, take my time reading my devotionals (I like to read them out loud to my poodles who I hope patiently listen), take time to be amazed by our Amazing God & reconnect with Him to get what my spirit desperately needs daily.  I encourage you....grab your Bible or go online to read God's word.  Reconnect with the Fountain of Living Water.

Back & Bothered

I went to Bible Study tonight & frankly came away bothered.  One of the men leading tonight's discussion made a comment that frankly bothered me & continues to bother me.  So knowing this blog is here for me to share God's revelation in my life, my walk with Him & a place to vent; here I am....bothered.

This person I know stated tonight that "God's love comes with conditions....He requires us to be faithful, obedient,etc."  Frankly this flat out bothered me when he said it & continues to sit in my craw the wrong way as my Granny would say.  I don't know how anyone could say God doesn't love "unconditionally"....especially if they READ His word.  I pointed out to this person John 3:16, "For God so LOVED the world that He GAVE His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."  I am sorry but to me that means God unconditionally loved the world that He gave of Himself that none should perish.  No where does it say I had to be faithful before He gave.  That I had to be obedient before He gave.   God loved so He gave.

There is a sweet woman that comes faithfully every Wednesday night she is able.  She is a sweet lady who isn't as mature in Christ as many.  She is older than me in age, but in her walk with God she is a babe in Christ.  She is facing breast cancer right now & I am sure questioning God & trying to stand on His word that "by Jesus' stripes, she is healed."  I can't say I know exactly what she is going through, but I can understand.

Several of my friends who have battled cancer had moments of doubt & weakness.  Who wouldn't when your body is being bombarded by chemo & you don't see any immediate change in your circumstances.  I am praying my friend doesn't doubt God's love for her if & when she has a moment of disbelief; for disbelief is the opposite of faith you know.

If God only loves us when we are faithful & obedient then I really messed up last week when I lost my temper......I guess this means according to that 1 person that I am no longer loved & wasn't forgiven when I asked for His forgiveness.  I love this person, I truly do; but I can't abide by what was being taught in that moment.  I can't idly sit by and not speak up that you....yeah you who may be facing some pretty tough circumstances...God loves you & He cares.  You that might have landed on this page, started reading & stayed....yeah you that may not be living life like God desires.....He loves you & He cares.  That you that lost your temper today...yep you He loves & cares for.  You that may have told a lie, cheated on a test or worse your spouse....yep He loves & cares for you too.

Even though we ALL fall short of the Glory of God....He still loves us & NOT only when we do right.  He loved the world when the majority of the world didn't love Him & weren't walking with Him.  God loved & still loves the world that He sacrificed His Son, Jesus, so that we might have everlasting life with HIM...yeah Him God!  Nothing says love more then giving your all for another....and this is exactly what God did because He loved us all first.

I am praying right now for the 1 that said what he said,  I am praying for all the other people that were in the room hearing what he said.  I am praying for sweet innocent Melanie that she will never doubt God's love....especially in her time of crisis with breast cancer.  I am praying and & all that might read this post won't doubt God infinite love.  You right where you are; you are loved by the Creator of the Universe.  He knew you before the foundations of the earth were formed.  He knew every right & wrong step you ever made & loved you through each step.  He loves you so much He isn't willing to let you stay that way & end up going to hell.  All God asks of you is to confess your sin openly to Him,  Tell Him of your need for a Savior, Jesus.  Invite Jesus into your heart & allow the unending love of God to flow into your life, washing you clean as snow.  But then don't let it stop there....get into a good church group.  Allow His saints to love you, to teach you, to help God make the changes in you He desires to me.  He is a phenomenal Father who loves us all very much.  When we do wrong, He is disappointed in us but still loves us.

Removing the mask, discovering me.

Tonight while surfing Facebook, a friend of mine posted an article that I found freeing.  Here is the link http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/being-christian-doesnt-always-look-you-think-it-should#eTjJBFTcxCxz6qX3.01.  Hopefully I added the link thing right & you can go read it for yourself.

I had attended what I thought was a great church & in some ways it was great.  I was taught the proper fear of the Lord, what worship is & isn't, I learned who God is & isn't.  I basically went from a baby to a mature Christian.  There were many good times & memories.  Then my little church closed, my then husband left me, my whole world crumbled or so I thought.  There are times when God has to strip away the false to reveal the real in our lives.....mine has been a few years in the making.

What I thought was a "good" church was in some ways a good church, but in retrospect & reflection I see where there was a spirit of manipulation at play in folks lives & the ministry.  When the church closed I felt like I had failed the ministry some how.  Rumors were flung around so others could be elevated in the eyes of the Pastors.  What I thought were my friends & mentors turned out to be false.  It was a confusing time in my life.

I admit, I have been floundering....hence why no posts in a LONG time.  I would feel the urge to write, but then thought I wasn't worthy of being His scribe anymore.....I didn't live up to the "Christian" image as I was taught I had to portray.  I still don't feel worthy to pen anything in His precious name, but I am feeling the urge of the Lord to be real & transparent in ways I have been trying to shield.  So hang onto your shorts....this could be a bumpy ride for both of us.

I was taught a "Christian" was perfect.  We don't have bad days, bad thoughts or feelings.  We are not to lose our cool. We are to be an example to the world.  After reading the article "Being Christian Doesn't Always Look Like You Think it Should" I saw my mask just crumble.  I am NO where perfect.  I don't always maintain my cool.....to be honest I am rather hormonal & quick tempered lately.  I am not always kind.....to be honest some days I say what is on my mind & find myself rather unfiltered.....which can be a good thing, but can also be rather detrimental.  Side note:  If my being honest & unfiltered has hurt anyone.....I humbly ask for your forgiveness.  In my attempts to be real....to be truly transparent & not "sugar" coat stuff I can be rather brash.

That leads me to another thought.  Why did we as a society become a blaming society??  I heard a co-worker today utter the words well my mother/father are responsible for the way I act.  I mean SERIOUSLY??  When I am wrong....which is about every moment of every day.....I am big enough to own up to my mistakes & not blame it on others.  If I said something wrong....it was me that said it, no excuses.  If I did something wrong....again it was me that did it, no excuses.

Let's face it folks....we are ALL human....quite subject to error.  There was only one perfect person...Jesus.  Heck He was/is & forever shall be God incarnate.  God Himself in human form to show me He CAN & does relate to the troubles & trials of my life.   It is by HIS mercy & grace I get MANY do overs....many opportunities to do it or say it His way...the right way.  I am so flawed & so imperfect, but God is SO loving & SO patient to give me the time & opportunity to be a daily work in progress.  One fine day Jesus will come again & when He comes then & ONLY then shall I finally be PERFECT.  In the mean time, grab your hard hat, come near me if you are brave enough.  I will be working daily to get this thing right more than I do now.