Servant, Friend, Bride my excellent journey

Hospitality & New Beginnings

2012-01-22T12:43:00.000-08:00

Well God is doing a work in me...so caution to those still allowed to be part of my life....I am a hard hat zone. God is taking me back to the basics of walking with Him. Stripping off all the religious lies and junk from me. There was a time I walked in unison with others, but that time ended 2 years ago this month. It was an ugly break but a necessary one according to God's own design & plan for my life. It was a hard rough season, but as seasons go, it is now over and there is such peace that floods my soul when I remember it. Thank You Father for Your peace and love.

God has brought me to a new body of believers who are a bit behind where I was, but are working towards the goal of a true intimate walk with Him. They are going over the basics once again, learning how to crawl before they can walk & fly. I know I am there to help encourage them along, to love & serve them as my Lord loves & serves me.

I have been back to flight school. My dearest friend Bob spoke how he once saw me fly and how God desires me to fly yet again. Am working my way back there....learning how to fly once again in worship, in prayer, in praise....how to fly in my day to day life. Like a bird who's wings were cut, it has taken a period of time for those feathers to grow back out, for me to trust those wings, for me to learn once again how to take flight and to soar. Some days I like a young eagle fumble a bit and land harshly, but other days I have the confidence and I just soar.

Been down a bit with the flu this weekend, but praising God for it nonetheless as we have had bad weather and icy roads. God always knows what is best for us, even if it doesn't look like His best...for that I am glad. This morning's Sunday school lesson was all about hospitality....one of the gifts He bestowed upon me at birth. It was a wonderful time with Him going over the lesson and hearing how pleased He has been with me that in spite of all I have endured this past 2 years that I am still loving and hospitable to others. That I still open my heart & home to others willingly and without hesitation.

3 John is a short but sweet book of the Bible. It gives the examples, good & bad, of hospitable people. In this short reading the Holy Spirit gave me this: That as the time is growing short, there is such a calling to treat one another in a manner worthy of God. We need to treat others as God Himself treats us.....tenderly and with loving care. Not loving as the world calls love, but as He Himself is love. John 3:16 gives us the perfect example of that love....that God so loves the world that He gave...note that....HE GAVE His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.

Three things I discovered this morning about this type of hospitality:

1) We are to show hospitality with pure motives. The Holy Spirit reminded me that I did and still do this. That I serve others for God's glory not my own vanity and fame. He reminded me that my motives are pure when I serve.

2) We are to show hospitality and not expect anything in return. The Holy Spirit reminded me that I don't seek fortune or fame. That I don't seek anything in return for my service; that I show hospitality out of the motive of loving my brothers & sisters.

3) Those who show hospitality participate in the ministries of those to whom hospitality is shown. That when I am serving on family dinner night at church, when I do something special to help someone in need, that I am participating in that person's ministry. That when I am serving others I am serving God's kingdom as a whole.

I used to think that one person couldn't change the world. Perhaps in the larger scale that is true. But one person can have a positive or negative impact on their immediate circle of authority or world. I choose to be hospitable towards others, whether they are deserving or not according to the world. Why? Because of John 3:16.....because God chose to be loving and hospitable towards me; a sinner who didn't deserve such love and grace.

What does all of this have to do with new beginnings? Why loving God and loving others above one's self is the beginning of a most excellent journey. Am back to the basics and beginning a new leg of a most excellent journey. I hope to blog more of my progress and hope you come along for the ride.

Hello Again Russia & Brazil, Welcome Georgia

2011-09-09T10:35:00.000-07:00

Well I haven't blogged for quite some time. Logged in to catch up on my reading of friends blogs then checked to see who has been checking out my blog in the past month. What a sweet surprise there were 3 hits from Russia....St. Petersburg, Kazan & Moscow to be precise. Glad to see folks in Russia have found this humble blog. I pray blessings over each reader, that they found a nugget to help encourage them and keep them on their path of faith.

Another nice surprise, 2 hits from Brazil. Hello Pelotas & Rio Grande! Glad to see my follower, whomever you are, from Pelotas is still reading. Sorry I haven't blogged much, just haven't felt inspired to write, but I should get back on it hopefully soon. I pray you have enjoyed what you have read and it has been nourishment to your soul.

Only one hit in the good ole USA....a new place of Mabelton, GA! Hey ya'll down there in Georgia! So blessed to log in and see new places finding this blog. I pray you all faired well during the storms that have hit down there. May the Lord bless & keep, may His glorious face shine upon you!

When God called me to start this blog a couple years ago I was a bit hesitant. I am not an eloquent writer. I am not a theological teacher, haven't been to seminary, who was I to do this thing. Well God has blessed me richly with this endeavour and I pray it has blessed those that have read it. Please come back, often too. Feel free to leave a comment, a quote, a scripture or a piece of revelation you received whether when reading God's word, in prayer, etc.

Someone Has Poisoned the Water Hole

2011-08-14T08:51:00.000-07:00

I praise God for planting me where He did. Don't know if anyone got today's message, but I surely did. I pray will honor His mouth piece Pastor Turner for giving a hard but oh so needed word today. When Pastor Turner started to read God's word in Exodus 15:22-27 I heard God speak, "Someone has poisoned the water hole."

In Exodus 15:22-27, the children of Israel had been out in the wilderness 3 day & they found no water. They came to Marah but they could not drink the water because it was bitter....hence the name as Marah means bitter. Moses cried out to the Lord seeking what should be done as the children of Israel started to grumble. The Lord showed Moses a tree & when Moses threw the tree into the water it became sweet.

Our lives as Christians are wells that others can come to & drink from. "How well is your well?" is the question I heard the Lord asking me today. Many things have occurred in my life over this past year. Many circumstances & situations have come my way that could make me bitter or better. I would love to say that it has all been better, but there were some pretty bitter things that have occurred....whether Father filtered or just slings from the enemy.

Bitterness is like poison to your soul, it's a bad taste in one's mouth & spirit. It can cause you to isolate & miss out on the sweetness of God & others in your life. God showed Moses a tree......a foreshadow of the Cross. When Moses put that tree into the water it became sweet. When we put the Cross in the midst of every bitter circumstance & situation.....when we put Jesus in the midst....it can become better & sweet again. When people become bitter it is because they are focusing on the circumstances & neglecting God in their lives.

The purpose of the wilderness is to have a face to face encounter either with God, with the enemy or with yourself. God led me into the wilderness for an encounter with Him and myself. He led me into the wilderness to teach me to trust Him & Him alone. But He also led me there to have a face to face encounter with the weaknesses in me. The weakness of bitterness that has poisoned this well & that has the potential to poison those that drink from it.

Jesus on the days leading up to & the day of His Crucifixion was wrongfully accused, mocked, & abandoned. He was denied 3 times by one of His trusted disciples & friend. He was beaten, bruised & killed for no just cause according to man's law, but God had a plan much higher then man's. Jesus could have become bitter before His death, but He instead counted it all as joy for what was set before Him. Why didn't He become bitter? Because He had the sweet communion of the Father & with us. He had God's plan & purpose before Him of being the redemptive Lamb.

My weakness is I focused so much on the not so fair circumstances & situations that have happened in my life so much so that I neglected God. I couldn't understand the "why" behind what was happening. People failed me left & right so I naturally thought God was going to fail me as well. People I thought were my friends abandoned me, so naturally I thought God was going to do the same. But wonderful Father He is.....He loves me so much so that He will not leave nor forsake me. He loves me as I am but also loves me enough to cause me to change.

Father, I pray not only for myself, but those who's well may be bitter today. I repent for neglecting You & our relationship. I repent for not believing that You wouldn't leave me & for not trusting You to take care of me. Forgive me for seeing You the same as the others in my life that had failed & abandoned me. Jesus I invite You once again into this life I keep trying to call & claim as my own. I invite all that You accomplished on the cross into the midst of my situations & circumstances. Holy Spirit help change what once was bitter into something now so sweet. Change this once bitter well into something sweet that others can drink from once again & be drawn to the Living Waters of life that feed it. Let my life lead others not to bitterness but to betterness in Christ alone. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Reconciliation

2011-07-17T03:48:00.000-07:00

There have been several times in my life where God has called me to go and seek forgiveness from someone who has wronged me. Logically to the human mind it is the "offender" who causes the break in a relationship that should assume the responsibility for reconciliation. But God has put the responsibility upon me and I never could quite fully understand the "why" factor.....until this morning.

I am going over my Sunday school lesson, God & Bro. Walker have asked me to do in Bro. Walker's absence. It is on the Supremacy of Christ....from Colossians 1:15-29. It was in verses 19-20 I got my "why" answer...."For it pleased the Father that in Him (Christ) all the fullness should dwell, and by Him (Christ) to reconcile all things to Himself (God), by Him (Christ), whether things on ear or things in heaven, having made peace through the blood of His (Christ's) cross."

All the fullness of the Father dwells in Christ and it is by that Fullness that indwelling the Father chose/chooses to reconcile sinners to Himself. It is the fullness of Christ or one could say God dwelling within me by the Holy Spirit that chooses to be reconciled with the one that offended me. God can't help Himself. He created man for relationship and He provided the Lamb to ensure that relational bond remains between Himself and man. Wow if that doesn't give one pause to ponder and a reason to worship I don't know what does. What love the Father has for us His children....He made provision for us long before we were created. Let us be continually reconciled with not only the Trinity, but with one another. Hugz & blessings.

Walking Away

2011-07-12T11:19:00.000-07:00

I thought all those in my life that God has called to walk away had walked away.....until today. This past weekend I was going to post a funny on a friend's page and was shocked to see that I had been deleted from their page. I had sent another "Add me" friend request, but didn't get a reply...good or bad. Today on my lunch break I texted said friend. What I got back wasn't the response I had hoped for....they said they were done with me.

Why you ask? Heck I am still trying to sort that out myself. Bottom line that I can figure is they are a willing ear to the lies of the enemy. Oh yes, God knew ahead of time what was happening and was allowing the enemy to sift me like Job. He allowed the enemy to play his petty games, but God & I got one up on ole slew foot. As grieved as my heart is to have yet another person turn their back upon me based on lies and rumors, I know my God has something even better in store for me. God's promises are true and strong.

The enemy had hoped I would walk away from God because of this sting, but foolish imp he is....it didn't work the first time and it won't again. My heart is grieving at the loss of a long time friend and confidant. I am prayerful that someday they will be loosed from the grip of the enemy and turn their heart back towards God. I am not cursing their leaving but am choosing to bless them as they go. Praying a hedge of protection about them as they stomp all over my heart.

Even though my heart is grieving it is also hopeful; for I am clinging onto the one who gives me hope. For God has promised me new friends, stronger friends, friends that will stick close to me almost as well as He does. Yeah, I am still lonely and my dogs are getting rather tired of me talking to them....but I know someday soon I will be surrounded by true friends, godly friends, family. Until then I sit, wait and refuse to be the one to walk away.

Holy Spirit Greenhouse

2011-06-24T06:29:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know I haven't been blogging. No excuses other then I just haven't felt much like writing. I am back for now with a bit of wisdom to share of where I have been. I had found myself in God's Holy Spirit Greenhouse. Ok before you call the looney bin on me, give me several seconds to explain. If at the end of my tale you find it fit to make the call then so be it.....just means more folks for me to witness too! :o)

I have felt so isolated and alone the past several months and it wasn't until today I got the glimpse of why the isolation. I was consoling a good friend who is in a rough dry place right now. Not unlike the one I had been myself. I made the statement to her that we are plants in God's garden. Like any garden in the natural there are bugs and elements that can damage a tender young and even a hardy older plant.

Sometimes in the natural you have to remove plants from the garden and put them in the greenhouse to nuture and heal them from the damage(s) sustained in the garden. God does the same with us. He will isolate us to heal us, to nuture us, to train us to reach out to Him and His glorious Son for all we need. Well that is what this past season was. I didn't recognize it for what it was, but I did use the time wisely I think.

God has spoken through His prophet and my friend that the cloak of loneliness is being lifted. Like we shield a plant from the frost of the fall & harshness of winter; God has shielded me from the world and those in my life....or rather from those He removed from my life. I was isolated in His greenhouse being healed, strengthened, trained, etc. Why would such a loving God do such a thing to a person?? It is BECAUSE of His love for me that He did and does. Doesn't make sense to the mind in the natural but when you sit back and ponder the meaning of the greenhouse it makes perfect sense.

God has planted me in a new garden. He has put be beside some new plants...aka new and true friends, for a season I know. He has commanded me to bloom where He has graciously planted me. Daily I lift my spirit, soul & body to the Son. I soak in all the nourishment of His glorious presence. I am but a daisy in God's garden of roses....plain and often overlooked, but such a delightful joy of simpleness in a splended garden. Be blessed!

From Hurt to Healing

2011-03-27T09:27:00.000-07:00

It has been over a month since my last post. God has been working in my life taking me from hurt to healing. It is a slow process that has had many tears but then tender moments of joy at His feet. God doesn't desire I should be alone, He wants me to be alone for a season. Something this social butterfly is struggling with....I don't deal well with being alone....something I have learned over this past year. Yes beloved friends it has been a year since the announcement of divorce was made....it was a shock to me when the Lord reminded me of it this morning.

I had/have such a weight of loneliness upon me....it is almost like a smothering cloak upon my heart. I have done nothing but weep for the past 3 days. I did have company yesterday, but even though it was nice to have someone to talk to the emptiness and loneliness was still there and got increasingly large and heavier as the day went on. But this morning the Lord took me, thanks to my new Pastor, to Genesis 50:20...this is the passage where Joseph is talking to his brothers "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today." God reminded me that several in my life last year said and did things to mean harm to me and my walk with Him. But God meant to use all of that for good. We are called according to Matthew 5:13 to be the salt of the earth. One thing salt does is it add flavors, but it is also used to preserve. I was put here on earth to preach the Gospel, to pray for the preservation of those around me...I am salt....a bit sharp to the taste but given so live could be given.

God then used Pastor to take us to James 1:2-3 "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." Some translations have the word patience in lieu of steadfastness. Tests and trials of life are given by the Father to test our attitude. When that cloak came upon me all I could do is weep and cry out to God. I had already made plans to spend Saturday with a friend and tried to fill that emptiness in my heart with the friend...but it wasn't the right fit. So I spent last night crying out to God about this loneliness and how I don't want to be alone. God spoke to me in church this morning that He wants me alone so I will rely solely upon Him...and that is a good thing, but my flesh doesn't quite see it this way.

God wants me to be patient in the waiting, but I so desire and crave human companionship and love. I guess that is why this cloak of loneliness seems so heavy. In God's reality it is a light weight shirt of sorts, but to my flesh and it's longing it is a heavy laden blanket. I am trying to be patient, to wait for the one that God has set aside for me, but it is so lonely in the waiting. I am trying to not jump for the first one that shows me love and affection for it can very well be a false love. Am prayerful that this season won't last any longer then necessary. In the meantime, I wait. Some days I can be quite patient....other days not so. Today is a not so day.....but I wait. In the midst of the waiting and loneliness God is healing me. Showing me His hands in all that I have endured for the past year. Taking my garments of mourning and slowly converting them to garments of praise. Taking my moments of sorrow and weeping and turning them into joy. It is a hard long journey and some days I feel like I can endure anything for the love of my Lord, but other days it is weary and dreary....but still I wait a bit longer for all of this because ultimately it is for the preservation of someone else. This picture is much bigger then just me and I need to remember that in this leg of the journey.

Don't Pay the Ransom

2011-02-09T06:08:00.000-08:00

Ok I know the title of this one is a bit odd, but I couldn't help thinking of my dad. When he hasn't called or written in a long time, he will usually start a phone conversation or a short note in a card with "Don't pay the ransom!" I haven't blogged in goodness gracious MONTHS! I am sure some of my blog friends are wondering is she in hiding again or did she fall off the face of the earth. Nope am ok as ok can be. Props to my Dad, if you are by the grace of God actually using a computer and reading this, I love you Pops and will call soon.

Yes, I guess I have been hiding of sorts. Hiding in the shadow of the wings of God Almighty. Sitting here getting healed up and re-commissioned to do the next leg of this journey. I am reading 2 book simultaneously right now....Loving Your Life by Victoria Osteen & A Love Worth Giving by Max Lucado. I am getting the impression I may or may not have the love of my life in the natural in my life right away, but then again only God knows for sure. I believe God is calling me to embrace my life such as it is right now. I am putting my hope in His hands for a mate, but learning to be content with my 4 legged roomies for now...even if my sweet Lovie snores worse then a band saw and when they get in the bed with me I am stuck with them bogarting the covers!

I also am getting the impression that God is giving me something I have desired all my life, but not in the way I think He should give it. God is giving me the love of a lifetime....Himself rather then the earthly man I think He should give me. Isn't it interesting how we think we know better then God, but in reality we don't know jack! God is giving me something I haven't been able to give others fully....Love. I don't think I have truly loved or been loved, so this is something new and wonderful to discover about my Father, my Lord, my Beloved Bridegroom King....His awesome love.

Every where I turn it is love, love, love. The steadfast love of God that I posted on here a few months (ok an eternity) ago. I hear it being preached from the pulpit at church. Why even Valentines' Day didn't totally stink this year. Monday's are typically rather brutal at work, but it was quite the opposite....God granted me a day of bliss at work. No one negative, I seemed to have accomplished quite a bit in spite of all the work that seemed to keep piling up on my desk. When I got home there were little trinkets of His affection in my mailbox. My federal tax check came in....earlier then anticipated. My sticker for my car registration came in earlier then the BMV had said it would....I know, what do they really know huh? LOL There was a package from Day Spring...a necklace I had bought for myself for Valentines' Day, but truth be known I think Jesus picked it out. A heart inscribed with "I am my Beloved's & He is mine." Yeah just like Jesus huh? But the icing on the cake of the day was a card from Thy Word Network. A local radio station I made a donation to at least 1-1/2 to 2 years ago. Seems I was chosen by the staff as a person they were keeping in prayer for the week....now I wonder who nominated me! Like I really needed to wonder.

God opened up the windows of Heaven and blew down kisses just for me. I felt and still feel like the most blessed gal in the world. My Father loves me, just like I am sure my Pops loves me too. Isn't it wonderful to know that the ransom was paid in full on that horrible yet glorious day at Calvary. So if anyone asks....don't pay the ransom, my Jesus already did!

Are Things in Order

2010-11-28T09:29:00.000-08:00

My birthday is vastly approaching as well as the Christmas Holiday. It has me reflecting over this past year of my life. Today I went to the First Assembly of God and Pastor Turner was preaching still from The Beginning...the book of Genesis Chapters 2 & 3...he didn't quite get as far with his sermon so it was more of Chapter 2 then 3.

He was talking about man's role in the garden. In verse 15 it says God took the man and put him in the garden to tend and keep it. Note that it was man that God put there, no mention of woman as she wasn't even created yet. God has a specific order for creation and for life. Man was put in the garden to tend (to set it in order) and to keep it (to maintain and to protect it). Man was charged with the responsibility of the garden; we find that in verse 16. We can correlate that to life today. Man was and still is charged with the responsibility to set into order, to maintain and to protect his garden....his home...his life. Now man isn't supposed to set things into order according to his own desires and demand, but according to God's will, desires and commands. Big difference there.

In verse 18 God decided that man should have a helper comparable to him. Man was incomplete without someone to complement him in fulfilling the task of filling, multiplying and taking dominion over the earth. So in verse 21-22 God did just that. He took a rib from Adam's side and created woman. She was created to come along side of Adam to help him. Not taken from Adam's head to where she ruled over Adam and not taken from Adam's foot where he ruled over her. A co-heir, a co-worker, a co-mpanion.

Verse 24 we see that they became one flesh. They were in unity of parts making a whole...working smoothly and perfectly together as one. There wasn't a battle of the sexes...there wasn't any competition.

I have been reflecting off and on of where things were out of order in my marriages and where I failed to be in "order" according to God's creation. Marriage #1 I see my ex wasn't in order according to God's word. He ruled over me and I became his servant rather then his helper the way I was created to be. It was out of balance and destined to fail. Marriage #2 I see my ex also wasn't in order according to God's word. He left all responsibility on my shoulders to do everything...and me being the self preservation/control freak I allowed it to go that way for a season too long. I had seen how things weren't in the proper order and I was trying to make course corrections but ex #2 wasn't willing to take dominion nor responsibility as he needed to.

God is showing me my place so to speak in a "godly" marriage. Right now everything is falling upon my shoulders for a season. How long it will last only God knows that answer. My task for the moment is to trust God to provide like a husband should. Yes, I am still doing the dishes, cleaning etc all by myself. But there is coming a day when God will bring me the man He has set aside for me alone. This man will rise up in Godly authority and allow me to be the helpmate I was created to be. I will be submissive and surrender all authority and responsibility to him and be the helpmate. God is using this time with me to not only get my head in order, but my spirit & soul as well. I pray I am worthy of this man He is bringing to me. That I will be a blessing and joy to this man. I wait...........

Identity Theft

2010-11-17T08:45:00.000-08:00

Well I am without a church again it seems. Ah well, to wander, to visit, to seek God and where He wants me again for how ever long. Sheep Shed has decided not to do Sunday services, so it is church hopping again....but this time it is with a different attitude of heart. Instead of a sorrowful wounded heart it is with a joyful and expecting heart I seek again. Pastors Clark have been called to higher things, they weren't necessarily called to have regular Sunday services. So it is with a joyful heart I pray them through this season & ministry God has them in. Love you Clarks!!!!

I visited a church not far from my home this past Sunday. Was wonderful to be in the house of God worshipping with hungry people. God's presence was so thick and warm and wonderful. I believe there was an open heaven above the place and God was poised and ready to do miracles if anyone had the faith to ask. Yeppers, I prayed blessings and such for that body of believers and am looking forward to hearing about the miracles God and I spoke about...nope like wishing on a star, I am not gonna tell!

Pastor spoke about our purpose on earth....what we were created to do back in the garden, but also here and now. It got me to thinking about what has had happened to me and where God is taking me. Seems my identity was stolen, or rather obscured by the wounds inflicted upon me by people, the enemy and me beating myself upside the head with that rattin frattin condemnation brick. You know the one we all pick up when we make a mistake and beat ourselves senseless with. But I also realized that some of the "wounds" I have sustained aren't really wounds but rather where surgery was performed by the Master Potter's hands. He has lovingly stripped (although it may not feel like it) away things and people that have been a hinderance to me becoming who I was created to be....but also hinderances to our relationship.

I am learning how to love me and Him more. I have discovered that I indeed haven't really loved or been loved like Christ loves me. I have had 2 marriages, but haven't really been loved like I so desire and deserve. So I have been making it a daily habit of thanking the Lord for one more day to try to get things right; to try to be His hands & feet; to be His ambassador; for His love and devotion of which I am SO not worthy of; and also for His hand of protection over the man He is grooming just for me. Yes there is hope in my heart to finally love and be loved again....hope springs eternal is what my granny used to say. Never fully understood it until now. Yes the holidays and my birthday are VASTLY approaching at a rate that makes one's head spin. Whether I am alone or with anyone for these celebrations is yet to be determined...but one thing is for certain...whether with anyone or alone God will be right there. Loving me, protecting me, providing for me and adoring me.

Father I am thankful for this stripping away the mistaken identity that I had. I am thankful for the surgery you have and are still yet performing on me. I am thankful for the bits of my soul that have been transformed and have surrendered. I am thankful that no matter how much I turn away or want to run I can never escape You...that You are not going to let me go no matter how "bad" I think I have been. I thank You that my identity is secure in You...the real Bert....not this fake, phoney, plastic one the world and those in it have fashioned for me. I love You Lord and am Your humble servant, friend & bride to be.

How Like God!

2010-10-05T07:14:00.000-07:00

~I just clicked "post" on my last posting. I took 2 minutes to check my private email and saw the latest TGIF (Today God Is First) Devotional. Yeah I subscribed and they send me nuggets of wisdom daily. Well if you read the previous post then you will understand why I just copied and pasted this one. How like God to give a nugget when you need one the most....gives us such hope and encouragement....enjoy and I pray it speaks to someone else's heart today like it did mine.~

Confrontation With God
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1 by Os Hillman
Tuesday, October 05 2010

"They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor." Isaiah 61:3b
"God, is this the way You treat someone who is faithful to You?" I yelled out loud on the top of the wooded hill where no one but God could hear me. "I have waited and waited and now this! I hate You, God! I have had enough!" Those were my words that day as I wrestled with news of an event that devastated me to the point where I broke down weeping.

As I sat there among the trees deciding what else I could say to God, I was speechless. I was angry. I was confused. I wondered if He even existed. If He did, I felt like He really didn't honor my faith and obedience. I sat for hours wrestling internally with my feelings.

Finally, without answers and sensing that God wasn't answering me, I turned to leave. I had been sitting on an old oak tree that was broken at the base. The tree pointed toward the base of another huge oak tree. Finally, a still quiet voice inside said, "Today, like this broken oak tree you are sitting on, you are a broken man. But this brokenness was needed in order for you to become this large oak tree you see."

Months and even years had passed with many struggles. But God was true to His word from that day. He began to replace the pain and disappointment with an inner joy that only His grace could provide.

Have you ever wrestled with the events of life, feeling that God has deserted you? Have you been honest with God? He is the kind of Father who is willing to have those difficult conversations. He won't always change things, but His purposes will be accomplished and peace will come if you trust. Trust Him this day with those things that are most difficult.

~Looks like I am not the only one who is brutally honest with God. How many times these past few months I asked that same question "God is this how you treat someone who is faithful to You?" God is already aware of the things in my heart and He seems to honor my honesty even though it may break His beautiful heart to hear my brutal honesty. To read that I am not alone in asking such brutal questions of Him makes my soul relax a bit...that it is ok to be that blunt and honest with God. Have a good talk with God today...tell Him all the stuff that is on your heart....the good, the bad, and what might seem ugly and not suitable to tell the King of kings. Nothing makes the heart lighter then being able to share even the darkest nastiest parts of our heart with a good friend who won't judge you but love you through it all. That is my God, my Lord, my Savior, my Friend...loving me inspite of the darkeness of my heart.~

Still Alive, Still Struggling

2010-10-05T06:37:00.000-07:00

It has been quite some time since my last post. Some may or may not be wondering where I have been, what have I been doing, what is going on. I have been asking myself those same questions. Update - the divorce is final, I have been set free to wander the cosmos once again so to speak. Telling myself it is but a new chapter in this life I try to claim and call my own.

I have been reflecting this week on my life and where it has taken me this year. Many things have been shaken and changed. The church closing, friends leaving me at the mention of possible divorce, husband leaving me and divorce looming over me like a dark cloud, doubt, depression, anger, frustration, questions galore. Questions over my own responsibility in the failed marriage. Questions over why 2 failed marriages total. Questions for God like "Where were you in the midst of this?" "If this is what happens when you serve with all you have, why serve?" Don't freak out over the last question there, I am still serving Him, just not with fervency like before. I am a wounded warrior....wounded by some in the church, wounded by so called friends that bailed when it got rough in the boat, wounded by someone I had thought I would spend the rest of my days ministering with, wounded by the enemy and my own flesh as a means of not surrendering fully to God like my spirit man desires, & wounded by God Himself to bring His character into my being.

Many things, many changes, many questions still yet to occur and get answered. So I keep walking with God....don't know how to do anything else really. Walking and talking about the things, the changes, asking all the questions my heart and mind can muster. Walking and listening to His heart beat in rhythm with mine. Walking and listening for those pearls of wisdom that will makes sense of one crazy year. Walking and listening to His songs of healing that wash over my spirit tenderly cleaning my soul. No beloved reader I haven't given up, although I have been dealt some blows this year, my spirit still walks with the Lord. It is a difficult precarious walk...one over rough terrain of my broken heart & spirit....but a walk nonetheless.

What lies ahead of me? I am almost to afraid to ask Him that question for fear of what He might say...but yet another question. Will I ever learn to love like He does? I don't think I have loved like that or been really loved in return. Will I have another man in my life that will finally love me the way I desire to be loved and will I love the same way in return? Will I remain living in the home He brought me to? So many questions it makes my head reel....so I try to stop the whirlwind and keep walking.

Where the next chapter leads me I have no clue. What I do know that even though this has been a difficult time for me, even though I didn't feel His presence or hear His voice much, God was ever with me. Like I said my spirit knows no other way but to cling to Him even it is just a thread of His robe I cling to....I am clinging...I am alive....I am still struggling....I am still HIS.

Steadfast Love

2010-08-29T11:45:00.000-07:00

I have been pondering the steadfast love of God. So the best place to begin is always the beginning. According to Websters steadfast means 1)fixed or unchanging, steady. 2)firmly loyal or constant; unswerving. Steady means 1)firm in position or place; fixed. 2)direct & unfaltering; sure. 3)free from change, variation, or fluctuation; uniform. 4)not easily excited or upset. 5)unwavering, as in purpose; steadfast. 6)reliable; dependable. 7)temperate; sober.

Kind of sounds just like God doesn't it? God is love. He is unchanging, steady, firmly loyal and constant; unswerving, direct, unfaltering, sure; free from change, variation, or fluctuation. He is reliable, dependable, temperate and sober. Kind of gives you insight into who He is and what He is about. To love like He does seems impossible, but if we let go and let Him have His way it will be as easy as breathing. Yeah I want love like that in my life not only from God but from a significant other. I also want to be able to love others with that type of love....unconditionally, unswerving, dependable, unfaltering....His love isn't based on performance like man's love....it isn't conditional but a free gift to all who receive it.

Steadfast Love of God

2010-08-22T13:28:00.000-07:00

I was in church about a week ago. Pastor Tim had preached out of Psalm 32:7-8 but I had read the remaining verses of the Psalm. One thing caught my eye...verse 10 "Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord." My heart skipped a beat when I saw "steadfast love". I have been married 2 times and I don't believe what I experienced in either marriage was "steadfast love". Since then I have been in and out of God's word....when I am in it seems where ever I am reading I am reading "steadfast love" in the scripture(s) for the day.

"What does love look like?" is a song sung by Misty Edwards out of the International House of Prayer. You can check it out here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2ZCIp0HiRo. Between this song and the "steadfast love" that I can't escape from in the scripture has me pondering and seeking. I believe steadfast love was what compelled Christ to fulfill prophecy...to leave His home in heaven, to become flesh, to have all the weight of sin from that time to eternity placed upon Him, to be the propitiation...the sacrifice for my sin. So I am on a slight detour....what does love look like? what is steadfast love...THE steadfast of God look like and what are the benefits of obtaining such in one's life.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 in the Amplified reads "Love endures long & is patient & kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited(arrogant an inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it (it pays no attention to a suffered wrong). It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything & everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fade-less under all circumstances, & it endures everything (without weakening). Love never fails (never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end)." In light of this, I can honestly say I did not love like I should have. The world has put it's own justifiable twist to something so simple, so complete. Love to the world is conditional, but to God it just is...it is an absolute truth that cannot be twisted or changed. Love like God just is....can't be explained, bought, sold or traded....it just is.

A dear friend, mentor, mom, confidant gave a good word today in church....she spoke about being Callified. How God calls us and it is our choice whether we answer that call...whether we rise up to meet the challenge of that call. One of the conditions of rising up to meet the challenge of the call was/is truth. To live, breathe and operate in truth....not the world's synthetic version of the truth where it changes like folks change their underwear...where it changes at a whim....but God's absolute truth. Not unlike 1 Corinthians 13:4-8...God's absolute truth about love. So here is the truth folks....I have been living a country song. I have been looking for love in all the wrong places. We all crave and desire to be loved, but this world's version of it will just leave us empty and longing. So I am on a quest...no need to pack my bags or take vacation time....a quest of seeking out God's steadfast love. What does it look like? Already have a glimpse or two...Jesus and God's absolute word. How can I make it a part of who I am?

My dear friend also mentioned that this season we are in is a preparation time. This Esther is rising up for a time such as this. A preparation time of love for the next chapter of this book of life I try to call my own. A preparation time of love that will be so like His pure love to be poured out like a drink offering over those around me....so hold on dear ones that are in my inner circle for the shower of love so fresh & new. But also a preparation time of love for that one special person that God is simultaneously preparing for me. Hope springs eternal once again in my heart....thought I had lost it along this journey along with love and a few other things. I will post what I discover about steadfast love. But I challenge any and all readers today...start your own quest and then let me know what you discover.

What are you afraid of?

2010-08-18T05:16:00.000-07:00

Today I am pondering, pensive and thinking. I have been told I over analyze things....yes perhaps so. When things or situations come into my life I look at them like one would look at a Rubik's cube. I turn it this way and that, I study it before I make the next move as I don't want the next move to be a wasted move that will cost me ground. This morning the Lord is speaking to my heart, "What are you afraid of?" It is all I can do to keep from crying.

What am I afraid of? Well other then the obvious to my friends...spiders & snakes...can't stand them, the list seems endless within me. I am afraid of truly being alone even though I know HE is with me, I am afraid of being alone in the natural. I don't like living alone, I don't like eating alone and I certainly don't want to die alone.

I am afraid of failure. My life seems a "Magoo" life. Mr. Magoo was a cartoon character I used to watch as a kid. He was an old bald man with very poor vision and he had to wear thick glasses. He never really saw where he was going, he bumbled along through life. But somehow when he stepped off into the unknown there was always a steel beam to catch him....kind of makes me think of how God is in my life....He is that steel beam I seem to step out on when I do muster up the courage to step out. But I am afraid of failure....why? Well I have no clues....still trying to Rubik cube puzzle that one out. I guess it comes from this drive within me to do things right the first time....or perhaps my drive to please others and not let anyone down as I have been let down so much myself. I don't know. Perhaps it is a trust issue. I don't trust myself to do things and trust it will work out....perhaps just the basic trusting of God & His work within me to sustain me through whatever obstacle.

I fear if I allow myself to love others, I fear I will either hurt them or get hurt myself. Hurting others is a big one for me. I know what it feels like to have one's heart ripped out by the carelessness of a friend or loved one....so I guess this is what keeps me from loving like I should.

The fear I really don't know how to truly love or that I will truly be loved. I wonder sometimes in the course of my 2 marriages...did I really love them? I mean truly love them or did I just love the idea of being married? Will I ever be truly loved not for anything I can do or give someone but truly be loved? I know in my head God loves me, but have I truly allowed that to filter to my heart to where I know beyond a shadow of doubt that God TRULY loves me? Have I allowed God's love to permeate my very being?

Then in today's email I get this nugget of wisdom....no it is not written by me and I don't take any credit for it.....

Stoplight Faith
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2 by Os Hillman
Wednesday, August 18 2010

"And he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith" (Matt 13:58).

You can learn a lot about people in traffic. For instance, I observe a lot when I see 20 cars in one line and only 3 cars in another. The reason for the longer line is these people want to make sure they get to make their turn after the light. I, on the other hand, want to get through the light first, then I will worry about making the next turn. This is a difference in risk taking tolerance, or perhaps faith; or even some might argue with me that I'm operating out of presumption versus real faith.

No matter which person you might be in this situation, it is sure that faith is often spelled R.I.S.K. When the priests carried the ark into the Jordan River at flood stage there was a risk they could lose the ark to the Jordan River. However, that is not what happened. "And as soon as the priests who carry the ark of the LORD, the Lord of all the earth set foot in the Jordan, its waters flowing downstream will be cut off and stand up in a heap" (Josh 3:13). God changed the entire environment and made it possible to walk across without the pressure of wading through the powerful water only when they took the first step.

Risk means there is a potential for loss. However, when God leads us to take a risk, then He is there whether we succeed or fail. He is there in the success and He is there in the failure. If He leads you to take a risk it may not always succeed in the way you think. In fact, it could even fail.

The only true failure is when we fail to take the risk when God is leading us to do so. Sometimes the fear of failure is the greater obstacle than the risk itself.

Has God called you to step out in an area that requires risk? This could be the place He wants you to move. Ask Jesus to give you the courage to step out.

So now another few questions exist....am I afraid of so many things because of the risk required to step out in faith and just step out?? What am I afraid of losing if I step out and do what God is calling me to do or to give Him? Is hanging onto whatever it is I have a death grip on really worth holding onto? Will this soul of mine ever get surrendered to the point where these questions will just die?

So many questions & so much confusion. Perhaps my friend is right....I do over analyze things. Perhaps the best course of action for me is to go back to step one and just "be".

Heroes & Zeroes

2010-08-08T17:21:00.001-07:00

I was talking with a friend, AJ, today about what I have learned about me through my failed marriage and divorce. I was telling AJ that I didn't see my husband as a hero and I didn't treat him as such. That by not doing that I was in essence disrespecting him as a person. AJ mentioned that my husband's actions didn't seem to warrant me treating him like a hero.

That is the way the world works....you are only perceived as your actions warrant. Jesus doesn't operate that way. We are all sinners, but Jesus doesn't see us as sinners. He sees past our sins, past our weaknesses and failures, He sees us as the children of God, the children of the King that we are. That is one thing I didn't do with my soon to be ex-husband. I only saw his fault and failures and I treated him according to what I saw.

When we let our eyes or glasses get clouded with past hurts, past failures, past disappointments we don't see clearly. Our vision is muddles with the past and sometimes present hurts, failures and disappointments. We need to allow the Holy Spirit to cleanse our vision. How does He do that? Well the first step is acknowledging that we can't handle this on our own, that we need our Savior to do this for us. The only thing we can save, and we can't always do it successfully, is money or something tangible. Only Jesus can save us from our sins, hurts, failures and disappointments.

Secondly we need to surrender all control of the hurts, failures, disappointments and sins over to Him. We surrender our lives and all the control therein over to Him. We humans tend to see surrender as a weakness and in an essence perhaps it is, but when we surrender our weaknesses to Him we get HIS strength in exchange. We get the good end of the deal...He gets our junk. It makes me think of what Granny always said...."making a silk purse out of a sows ear." Jesus takes our junk and makes it into something beautiful that can be re-used to help someone else. Jesus invented re-cycling....sorry side thought there.

When we surrender all of this stuff He has the opportunity to cleanse our vision and make it like His. This makes me hopeful for the future. As I allow Him to cleanse and purge me of all the worldly beliefs that rule how I operate then I get re-cycled into His image....I get recreated into a person that can be a blessing to someone else' life. There is the hope of loving and being loved again...finally having the person He is grooming in the same way for me. There is hope.

Holy Spirit I surrender all control and ownership of my hurts, failures, weaknesses and disappointments both past & present. Remake and reshape me into the person You desire for me to be. Cleanse my vision so that I no longer see others through the murky glasses & eyes that have been clouded by the circumstances of this life. Let me see people as You see them...as heroes, conquerors, princes, & princesses. I surrender control of my emotions and allow You the freedom to help me react as you would to circumstances and people so I no longer react out of the past hurts, failures and disappointments. I desire to be a delight and blessing to You and to others. Let it be according to Your word in Jesus' name.

Still struggling, still seeking, still alive.

2010-08-01T03:26:00.000-07:00

Wow last post was in April and I am sure some are wondering where did she go? Is she OK? How is her walk with the Lord? I am alive, still struggling and still seeking God and His glorious face in the midst of all that I am going through. I have found that by His grace & provision I am able to stay in the home He brought me too...Thank You Father.

I am learning more about me in this transition period....I have learned that sometimes I don't mind living alone with now 3 dogs; one died last weekend =(; but sometimes it really stinketh muchly living alone. I know, I know I am not entirely alone, but in the natural I am the only fleshly person here and the walls seem to creep in on my at times. I am working on many issues in my life with God. Some days it seems to be going well, other days it is silence either on my end or His. But I am hanging in there and trying to remain in His presence.

The divorce papers were finally filed by my spouse. I didn't think he would ever get around to filing but he has. So the end of this chapter of my life is in sight. When the papers were served, kind of embarrassing to have a sheriff show up on your doorstep to serve papers...but he was nice and helped me joke my way through signing for them....but it was done. I got inside with the papers and just felt numb. No anger, no sadness just an "OK it's done" attitude. It's his birthday today and I am not sure if I should text him to wish him a happy birthday or not....today feels odd.

I went to church Thursday night and Prophet Bob was in town. Always a great time in the Lord when Bob is in town. I had been feeling for awhile that I am supposed to write a journal or perhaps a book about what I am going through...but then was wondering if it was my "pizza" brain telling me to do this. God spoke through Bob that I was going to write....Bob wasn't sure if it was poetry, prose, a journal, a diary, or a book, but Bob saw me writing. Who knows perhaps what God was showing Bob was me posting again here...I don't know. So here it is, I started this a bit before 6 a.m. I am writing again pouring out my heart and spirit for the world to read. Don't know how often I will be posting, but I have this and a pen and paper on stand by. Ready to write whatever God drops in my spirit or my own junk. I hope you continue to get something out of what I put here....not for my own glory but for God's glory and good in your life. Hugs and blessings dear reader. Until next post.

Remain Faithful to the End

2010-04-13T10:19:00.000-07:00

Remain faithful to the end was a word the Lord spoke to me back in October when I was questioning whether my little church was closing. Who knew back then what all He was calling me to be faithful to when He spoke this. On this side of the knowing, I wouldn't have changed a thing.

Since getting that word my little church had closed and I remained faithful to the ministry until it was finished. I was asked to tithe an extra month after we quit having services, to which I was faithful to do. Did it make sense? Oh no, to my analytical bean counting mind it surely didn't, but I remained obedient.

Now I have been called to yet another "be faithful to the end" moment. I am facing divorce, which is something I don't want. I desire reconcilliation, but my desire isn't the same as my spouse. Am I angry? Oh yes very much so. Do I feel like I have been taken advantage of? Oh yes, very much so. But inspite of that, I keep hear resounding in my spirit "be faithful until the end."

Does this mean the divorce is going to be a reality? I have no clue, it is all in the Master's hands...He is the Author & Finisher of my faith and only He knows this answer. My part, remain faithful to the end....whether it ends in 60 days or 30 years. Inspite of how I feel, I have to keep asking myself moment by moment WWJD...what would Jesus do, what would Jesus say....moment by moment it is a refining journey. A leg of the journey of letting go of my hurt, my disappointment, my rights to be right, my self defense....of letting go and letting God. Is it easy? Oh my no but then again yes. It isn't easy letting go of the control, especially when my life seems so out of control and beyond my grasp at the moment. But it is easy for when I let go I let God be God and let Him handle all the stress.

I know this post may be quite shocking to some of my friends; but God has called me to be transparent before the world. To my friends,I say keep me but especially my husband in prayer. Why more prayer for him? He is walking in rebellion, very much struggling and desperately in need of God right now even though he doesn't see that.

Yes I need God now and I have Him....He is with me through all of this and He keeps reminding me through His word, His people even through songs on the radio. I am pressing into God's presence during this time....seeking His glorious face, reading His word and allowing it to wash over me to heal me of my hurt & disappointment, I am praising Him with everything within me even though my heart is anything but celebratory.

Will He require me to be faithful to the end of more then this? My head and heart tell me that this very well could be the case. Faithful to what? Only He knows and He hasn't shown me yet what it is. Unlike us humans who require everything instant, God is very selective about what He wants done and in what time frame. So here I am, at Jesus' feet once again....broken, transparent & so much in love with Him that I am willing to die to whatever He calls me to.

I have to laugh a bit, because before this bit of being faithful was revealed to me I had told my new brothers & sisters in Christ that I was a "hard hat" zone right now. Before this and even in the midst of this God is requiring me to surrender my soul to Him. I am a hard hat zone not unlilke a construction site where hard hats are a must! I told my brothers & sisters in Christ that being close to me means they might get hit by something.....if it was good & God then I pray they allow it to change them into His image.....if it was something bad and from my flesh I apologize right now before it happens.

God has surrounded me with brothers & sisters who allow me to cry on their shoulders and to lean on. People to gird me up in support and prayer. Thank you each and everyone of you, my heart may be hurting right now, but it is also very full with the love and support I am receiving from each and everyone of you. Many hugs my dearest friends....I love each and everyone of you!

Sheep Shed

2010-04-04T05:57:00.000-07:00

I have been seeking God as to where He desires for me to go...what body of believers He desires me to become a part of. I think I have found just the place. The Sheep Shed. I have heard a good friend & prophet say that God was showing up in a mighty way in the little home bible studies that people are having throughout this nation. That is how the Sheep Shed started, a couple friends of mine started a small intimate bible study in their home on Thursday nights....word got out (friends telling friends) and well it got bigger then my friend's living room. So out back was an old sheep shed, a small cozy barn that was/is being converted into a small meeting place for believers to come together to worship and share what God is revealing to us in His word....but not just on Thursdays but some Sundays as well.

My first visit God was surely there waiting for me. It seemed like the whole service was tailor made around me and for me. Oh what a feeling to step into a room of praying, praising and worshipping believers; God's presence and synergy of faith in the room was tangible and awesome to my spirit.

I am excited to sit with these wonderful friends, to learn, heal, love and grow where God has planted me. To take what I learn and put it here or to directly speak with people about what I have and am learning at the feet of Jesus once again. It was a scary bit wandering and wondering where I belonged....it is that way for folks in the world too. But when you find where you truly belong, when you find that place where God desires to plant you, that special garden of believers oh there is no feeling like it in this world.

I pray that those who are wandering today will open their hearts and find Jesus. He is alive...He resurrected out of the tomb and ascended to the Father today...Easter Sunday, Resurrection Sunday. Jesus sits at the right hand of the Father in heaven making intercession for ALL today....the lost and saved alike. Jesus sent us the Holy Spirit to indwell each and everyone who desires that indwelling. Our Lord, Savior and Friend is a gentleman...He won't force anyone, we get to choose. I pray those wandering in the spirit will find refuge in my beloved Jesus...for He is a strong tower of refuge and abiding in Him you can weather any storm...trust me my life is quite stormy these days, but there is such peace when I abide in His presence. Many hugs beloveds, many blessings. I am off to dry my hair and finish getting ready to join my beloved sisters & brothers at the Sheep Shed. Hugs

Post Script - God truly amazes me!!! Just got back from the Sheep Shed and again service tailor made around me. This morning I posted the above then I was going over this blog a bit and I read the one I posted last Easter and how Pastor Q preached about the napkin....go read it for yourself. Pastor Tim this morning spoke about this same thing about how the kerchief (some translations read napkin) that was placed over Jesus' head was folded and laying by itself. How awesome of God to remind me that HE is the Author & Finisher of my faith and how HE isn't done with me yet, but also how this morning I was pondering that paper napkin still folded in my Bible as a constant reminder that I am not finished yet. It was a blessing to Brother Tim to hear about my paper napkin. They prayed over my new start with the Lord because that is what Resurrection Day is partly about a new start....mankind got a new start the day of the Crucifixion and Resurrection...new life in relationship with God. How lovely and amazing He truly is. Take a moment and ask the Lord to forgive you of your sins, He surely will then enjoy this first day of your new life in the Lord.

Passover

2010-03-29T15:17:00.000-07:00

This was a turbulent week for my Lord & Savior, Jesus. As I go through this week thinking about all that Jesus did on the cross for you and me, I noticed that tomorrow is Passover. Yes, I read about the children of Israel and how they were to anoint the doorposts & lintels of their houses with the blood of a spotless lamb and how the death spirit would passover their houses. But I never really put a complete connection with the Old Testament act with the New Testament Jesus. I was reading my email today from Elijah List....for those interested you can sign up at www.elijahlist.com and get prophetic words sent to your email. Any who, I read the following in today's post and figured I would copy & paste it here for others to read. It is a bit lengthy, but worth ever moment to read. I pray you learn something new not only about the Passover celebration, but also how it was a foreshadowing of our sweet beloved Jesus.

Chuck D. Pierce and Robert Heidler: Why Passover?
by Chuck Pierce and Robert Heidler
Mar 29, 2010

So many have asked the simple question: Why Passover? In Exodus 12:13-14 we read, The blood shall be a sign for you on the houses where you live; and when I see the blood I will pass over you, and no plague will befall you when I strike the land of Egypt. This day will be a memorial to you, and you shall celebrate it as a feast to the Lord. Throughout your generations you are to celebrate it as a permanent ordinance.

Robert Heidler

As we approach the celebration of PASSOVER we must remember that Passover is a celebration designed by God! This Feast and event was given to increase our faith and prepare us to enter into the fullness of His blessing! Passover was commanded by God for the Jews in the Old Testament to teach them the importance of redemption by the blood. But it was also observed by Christians in the New Testament to remember and understand God's redeeming work. The Bible tells us it is to be a permanent ordinance…a celebration for all time.

Many Christians don't realize that Passover is just as much a New Testament Feast as an Old Testament Feast. It's all through the New Testament. Jesus and the apostles all celebrated Passover. The original Lord's Supper was a Passover meal. The apostles taught the Gentile churches to celebrate Passover. In 1 Corinthians, Paul wrote to a predominantly Gentile church and said: "Christ OUR Passover Lamb has been slain, therefore let us celebrate the feast!" For hundreds of years, Passover was the most important yearly celebration in the early Church.

What Makes Passover So Important?

Derek Prince once said that the most powerful faith declaration for deliverance is this: "I am redeemed by the Blood of the Lamb out of the hand of the enemy!" He said that if you can make that declaration in faith, and keep on making it, something will happen. You will be delivered from the power of the enemy. That's really the message of Passover. The Feast of Passover is a faith declaration that we are redeemed by the Blood of the Lamb. It does something in us when we celebrate Passover. When we come together to remember God's great works of redemption, and declare the power of redemption in our lives today, it ALWAYS does something!

Passover is very important to God. But satan HATES Passover. The enemy has worked diligently to steal Passover away. The good news is: God is restoring Passover. But it is a battle! The battle for Passover is the battle for the Blood. Satan wants to give us a bloodless religion, because a bloodless religion has no power. The power is in the Blood!

There's always a battle for PASSOVER. We see it in Church history. In the 4th century, when the emperor Constantine tried to merge Christianity and paganism, it sounded like a good deal to many. He legalized Christianity. You could go to church without having to fear being thrown to the lions. And Constantine didn't mind Christians having a celebration of Jesus' resurrection…but he did have an issue with PASSOVER. He demanded that Christians not celebrate Jesus' resurrection at the time of Passover. At the Council of Nicea (A.D. 325), he declared, "This irregularity [observing Passover] MUST be corrected!"

At the council of Nicea, Constantine outlawed Passover and directed that Christ's death and resurrection be celebrated on "the Sunday following the first full moon after the vernal equinox," which is a time associated with the spring festival of the pagan fertility goddess Ishtar also known as Eastre. (That's why in the Church today we celebrate the resurrection at Easter instead of Passover.) Constantine's goal was to remove Jesus from the context of Passover.

The Battle Continues! Many in the Church resisted Constantine's edicts, so for many centuries after Constantine, the battle for Passover continued. In the sixth century, for example, Emperor Justinian sent the Roman armies throughout the empire to enforce the prohibition on Passover. In his attempt to wipe out the "heresy" of Passover, thousands of men, women and children were brutally murdered. Entire cities were massacred for refusing to stop celebrating Passover. (The battle for Passover has had many casualties.) Pressured by the government, the Roman Church joined in the attempts to stamp out Passover. Notice some of the decrees passed against Passover by various church councils.

A Curse Pronounced!

THE COUNCIL OF ANTIOCH (A.D. 345) – "If any bishop, presbyter or deacon will dare, after this decree, to celebrate Passover, the council judges them to be anathema from the Church. This council not only deposes them from ministry, but also any others who dare to communicate with them." (The word anathema means "cursed." The Church actually pronounced a curse on Christians who would celebrate Passover!)

THE COUNCIL OF LAODICEA (A.D. 365) – "It is not permitted to receive festivals which are by Jews."

THE COUNCIL OF AGDE, FRANCE (506) – "Christians MUST NOT take part in Jewish festivals."

THE COUNCIL OF TOLEDO X (7th century) – Easter must be celebrated at the time set by the decree of Nicea.

The battle for Passover is seen clearly in Church history! That battle against Passover is nothing new. We see the same thing in the Bible: satan always tries to steal away Passover, because he knows the celebration of the Blood releases power. Look what happened in Hezekiah's day:

Hezekiah did what was right in the eyes of the Lord. He repaired and cleansed the temple, tore down the false altars, restored the sacrifices, and Davidic praise. Then Hezekiah sent word to all Israel and Judah, inviting them to come to celebrate Passover. Couriers went throughout Israel and Judah: "People of Israel, return to the Lord." The hand of God was on the people to give them unity of mind to carry out what the king had ordered. A very large crowd of people assembled in Jerusalem to celebrate the Feast. They slaughtered the Passover lamb and celebrated the Feast for seven days with great rejoicing, while the Levites sang to the Lord every day, accompanied by instruments of praise. The whole assembly then agreed to celebrate the festival seven more days; so for another seven days they celebrated joyfully. There was great joy in Jerusalem, for since the days of Solomon son of David, king of Israel there had been nothing like this in Jerusalem. The priests and the Levites stood to bless the people, and God heard them, for their prayer reached Heaven, His holy dwelling place (see 2 Chronicles 29-30 for more).

The same thing was happening in Josiah's Day: Josiah did what was right in the eyes of the Lord. In the 18th year of his reign, while repairing the temple, they found the TORAH scroll in the temple. When the king heard the words of the Torah scroll, he tore his robes. He went up to the temple with all the people. He read in their hearing all the words of the Covenant. Then all the people pledged themselves to the covenant. The king ordered them to remove from the temple all the idols made for Baal and Asherah and all the starry hosts. He tore down the quarters of the male prostitutes, which were in the temple…The king gave this order to all the people: "Celebrate Passover to the Lord your God, as it is written in this scroll of the Covenant." In the 18th year of King Josiah, this Passover was celebrated to the Lord in Jerusalem. Not since the days of the judges who led Israel, nor throughout the days of the kings of Israel and the kings of Judah, had such a Passover been observed" (see 2 Kings 22-23 for more).

We see a Biblical pattern! In both of these passages, God's people had drifted far from the Lord and turned to idolatry, and the blessing of God was lost. They turned back to God and sought Him, and the first thing God did was restore Passover! As they turned from pagan idols and celebrated Passover, they were restored to God and experienced great joy and blessing. That's an interesting pattern. Over and over again in the Bible, we discover that Passover had been LOST. Even during the Old Testament era, and even among the Jews, generations lived and died without celebrating Passover.

Why had Passover been lost? Satan had STOLEN it away! Satan always wants to steal Passover. Then, as a new generation turned back to the Lord, and began to read the Bible, they read about Passover for the first time. It seemed strange to them. They said, "We've never done this!" (That's exactly what we see in much of the Church today.) But as the Holy Spirit moved on their hearts, they celebrated God's feast of redemption, and God's power and joy were restored!

Why Does Satan Hate Passover?

Satan hates Passover because Passover is the celebration of JESUS. When the Church gave up Passover, it invented other celebrations of Jesus. That is how we shifted the timing of our celebration to Christmas and Easter. It's not bad to celebrate Jesus on those other days. (It's always good to celebrate Jesus.) But the celebration of Jesus that God gave us is called Passover!

The New Testament tells us that Jesus IS the Passover Lamb. When John introduced Jesus He said, "Behold the LAMB!" Paul said: Christ, our PASSOVER LAMB has been slain! Celebrating Passover IS celebrating Jesus! As the Passover Lamb, He shed His Blood to redeem us from the enemy. When His Blood is "on the doorpost" of your life, God delivers you from the destroyer. So if you understand Passover, you automatically understand what Jesus did.

On the original Passover night, everything pointed to Jesus. Every father in Israel was told to stand at the door of his house with a basin containing the blood of the lamb. He was to dip a branch of hissop into the blood and smear the blood on the two doorposts of the house. Then he was to repeat the action and put the blood on the lintel over the door. If you can picture the motion he made with that blood-soaked branch of hissop, you'll see he was making the sign of the Cross!

On Passover night, every father in Israel made the sign of the cross in the blood of the lamb. And as result, the family experienced redemption from the power of the enemy! God's deliverance always comes by His Cross and by His Blood. That's what Passover celebrates. You see, it was not by accident that Jesus died on Passover. God could have had Jesus die any time of year. But it was God's will for Him to die at Passover, so we would recognize that He is the Passover Lamb!

Passover is so important to God that He chose to have the most important event in history (the death and resurrection of Jesus) take place at Passover. God went to great lengths to CONNECT the sacrifice of Jesus to Passover. (This is interesting: Constantine's goal was to separate the work of Jesus from Passover, while God's goal was to connect Jesus' work to Passover.) God wants us to think of Jesus in the context of the Passover celebration!

The Timetable of Passover

It's interesting to compare the timetable of Jesus' crucifixion with the Passover celebration. According to the Torah, at the time of Passover a number of events had to take place in a specific order, and at very specific times.

1. The Passover Lamb had to be selected on a specific day. Exodus 12 instructs that the Passover lamb be chosen on the 10th day of 1st month. By the time of Jesus, only lambs from Bethlehem were considered eligible to serve as Passover lambs. So the lamb born in Bethlehem was chosen and brought into Jerusalem from the east (down the Mount of Olives) and entered the city through the sheep gate. On the 10th day of 1st month Jesus, the Lamb born in Bethlehem, came down the Mount of Olives and entered Jerusalem through the sheep gate. (This is called His "triumphal entry.") As He entered, the people waved palm branches and shouted "Blessed is he that comes in the name of the LORD! Save us, Son of David!" By mass acclamation Jesus is designated as Israel's Messiah! The crowds had chosen their Passover Lamb!

2. The Lamb then had to be examined. The Torah instructed that once the lamb was chosen, it had to be carefully examined for blemishes. Only a perfect, spotless and unblemished lamb would suffice for the Passover. After arriving in Jerusalem, Jesus went to the Temple to teach. While there, He was approached by the Pharisees, Sadducees, Herodians and the teachers of the Law. Each group posed difficult questions, trying to trap him. Essentially, they were looking for any blemish which might disqualify Him as Messiah. But no one could find fault with Him. He was without blemish.

3. The Leaven (impurity) must be cast out. Torah instructs that before the feast, all leaven (impurity) must be cast out of every Israelite home. Each mother took a candle and searched out impurity, removing it from her house. This regulation is still observed today. Passover is a time to cleanse every house. Every observant Jewish family carefully cleans their house before Passover. Every trace of impurity is removed. After Jesus arrived in Jerusalem, He entered the Temple and cast out the moneychangers. He was following the Biblical instruction to prepare for Passover by cleansing His Father's house.

4. The Lamb is taken to the altar for public display. On the morning of the 14th day of the 1st month, when all has been set in order, the lamb was led out to the altar. At 9 a.m. that morning, the lamb was bound to the altar and put on public display for all to see. On the morning of the 14th day of the 1st month, when all had been fulfilled, Jesus was led out to Calvary. At 9 a.m. that morning, just as the lamb was being bound to the altar, Jesus was nailed to the Cross and put on public display at Calvary.

5. The Lamb was slain at a specific time. At exactly 3 p.m. the high priest ascended the altar. As another priest blew a shofar on the temple wall, the high priest cuts the throat of the sacrificial Lamb, and declared, "IT IS FINISHED!" At 3 p.m. on that high holy day, at the moment the Passover lamb was killed, Jesus cried with a loud voice, "IT IS FINISHED," and gave up His spirit. In Greek, "It is finished" is tetelistai! It means, "The debt has been paid in full!"

The Celebration of Jesus!

Do you see how God chose to connect Jesus with Passover? It's no wonder John introduces Jesus by saying, "Behold the Lamb!" It's no wonder Paul writes "Christ, our Passover Lamb, has been slain!" Passover is all about Jesus! Do you see that Passover is all About JESUS?

* He came as the LAMB of God!
* His Blood redeems US!
* By His Blood…judgment turned away!
* By His Blood…the power of the enemy is broken!
* By His Blood…we are released from bondage and oppression.
* By His Blood…we are set free to enter into God's Promise!

Passover is the "JESUS" Celebration! The more you understand Passover, the more you appreciate Jesus! If you don't understand Passover, you have a hard time fully understanding what Jesus did. As you celebrate Passover, you are declaring your faith in the power of His Blood and His redemption. That's why one of strangest things in the world is that Christians all over the world have accepted satan's lie that Passover is not a "Christian" thing! Satan tries to steal away Passover, because he knows the celebration of the Blood releases power! When the celebration of Passover was stolen away, the power left! But when Passover is restored, the power RETURNS!

The Good News is—God is RESTORING Passover! All over the world churches are again celebrating Passover! And the POWER is returning! We invite you to celebrate the power of Jesus' Blood. We invite you to join with Christians all over the world in the restoration of Passover. Join with us in proclaiming: We are REDEEMED by the BLOOD OF THE LAMB, out of the hand of the enemy!

If you would like to know more about Passover and see suggestions for celebrating it, we recommend the book The Messianic Church Arising! by Dr. Robert Heidler.

Blessings,

Chuck D. Pierce and Robert Heidler
Glory of Zion International Ministries

Hello Russia!

2010-03-18T14:21:00.000-07:00

At the prompting of a good friend (Thanks Ted) I installed Analytics to my blog so I could see where folks visiting this blog were from. It totally blew me away that I had 5 hits from Russia. To the fine folks in Russia, I hope you got something out of my crazy adventure with my beloved Lord & King Jesus. I do hope you come back, read, pray & maybe leave a comment...hopefully a positive one....but a comment nonetheless.

Yes folks, this blog is open to commentary...I just have one humble request...please be polite. That is all I ask as not millions but several people hit and read this blog on a weekly basis and we don't want to say something snarly we will regret or have to repent for!

God's word calls us to make disciples...to preach the Good News to the nations. I guess in one small way this blog does perhaps that. Tells folks about a journey following Christ and that it isn't a "perfect" journey...I get angry, jealous, mouthy at times just like any other human being...the difference between me, a Christian, and Joe Blow off the street....when I get snarly even for a brief moment I feel horrible about it before the Holy Spirit checks me for it!

To those that wish to comment about a piece of revelation they get reading God's word....feel free to post it here. I am by NO means an expert....just a person on a journey. My wise old grandmother said that the day we stop learning is the day we die. I am yet still learning. Many welcoming hugs and blessings to all my visitors...old and new!

Seeking God/Finding Me

2010-03-13T16:45:00.000-08:00

I have been busy...busy seeking God's presence and comfort. Sadly my little church closed over a month ago and it didn't close in a nice way. Many hurts came from it, but in retrospect I can only say to God be the glory in it all.

I have learned a few things about life and people in the midst of all this chaos. But most importantly I have learned oh so much more about me....things I don't like, but am willing for God to touch & change! About a month before my little church closed I was having what I call a God moment at work. Yep, snot slinging and tongue speaking prayerful God moment. It is like the Holy Spirit showed up full force in my office and I flat out didn't care what anyone thought. Then He started speaking to me about a couple of things in my life....the presence of God was so thick in my office all I could do was weep. What should happen next, but a co-worker came in to drop off paperwork and saw the whole thing. He was nice and asked if I was OK....to which I replied tearfully I was fine, just having a God moment.

I was weepy off and on for several hours which made working quite interesting indeed. At lunch time I went to go heat up my lunch...still in a God moment and weepy. My co-worker asked again if I was OK....to which I replied this time, "This is what crucifixion looks like." Oh little did I know then that this was exactly what was happening to me. Then came the church closing, the lies slinging and the deep hurts that were caused. God's word is true folks....He works everything for the good of those who love Him and are called to HIS purposes. Out of the midst of all this pain and sorrow came the rebirth of an old friendship. Oh we remained friends but we weren't close or speaking due to some outstanding issues that kept us apart. But I reunited with this dear spirit and friend. We drank coffee, we cried, we prayed in the midst of a restaurant in town.

At the end of our get together, she handed me a book...."Exquisite Agony" by Gene Edwards. I had borrowed and read this many years ago and my dear friend said the Lord put it on her heart to give me her copy to read once again. For those that haven't read this book it deals with hurts sustained by fellow Christians. How God uses our brothers & sisters in Christ to "crucify" us as a means of putting on the cross those things that are not pleasing to Him. I know mind blowing isn't it!!! Here a month prior I tell a friend that what I was going through was crucifixion and wasn't totally aware that all that transpired after that was totally that!

So here I am, behind in my "Daily Walk" reading as I have been quite busy in His presence. Allowing the Holy Spirit to shine His light within me exposing negative mindsets, attitudes, & emotions that are not God's best but my soul's result. And I have picked up a book that was being taught right before the church closed...."The Unsurrendered Soul" by Liberty Savard. I have always only gone so far into God's presence and couldn't understand what was causing me to stop short of fully getting into His presence....this book is shedding more of His glorious light within me showing me what the hindrance has been....my soul isn't surrendered to Him fully. So again, more time reading, praying & seeking His glorious presence, love and healing.

So here I am once again...a hard hat zone. Allowing the Holy Spirit access to tear down strongholds that I have built within me and allowing Him to reconstruct me into the woman He created me to be. I call it a hard hat zone because like most construction sites you might get hit by flying debris...so caution close friends. Being with me might cause some of what is going on within me to hit you. Some of it might be good as it will cause change in you as well...some of it might be junk and flat out ugly. For that I apologize right now for....death is not pretty and death to self (flesh) isn't easy, but with God's grace it is obtainable. Many hugs, many prayers, many blessings!

Can't Get Enough

2010-01-11T16:56:00.000-08:00

I will be in sporatically from here on out...check back periodically to see if I have anything fresh from the Throne Room. Hanging out with friends in the God's word...Daily Walking Through The Bible. Seeking the face of God like I have never done before.

God called out to me before Jan 1st asking "Will you seek me?" My only answer was YES. So as I type this I have the praise and worship from IHOP (International House of Prayer) in my headphones and my heart is singing to the Lord. If you get a chance go to www.ihop.org and click on the prayer room tv link at the bottom right of the page. It's free, won't cost you anything materialistic but it will give your soul such prosperity. While you are listening to the worship, praise, intercession and prayer grab His word and start a fresh journey of intimacy today. God is calling out "Will you seek ME?" What is your answer? Are you willing to risk it all for His all? Don't worry about those around you...God will take care of them...just run to the mercy seat and cling to the Lord of lords.

Workmanship

2010-01-03T05:48:00.000-08:00

I have been reading and pondering the beginning as some may know from my last post. On this Daily Walk 2010 that I am doing the first chapters we read on 1/1/10 was Genesis 1 & 2. It has us ponder a thought "By God's design I am ________" and we had to fill in the blank. The daily devotion gave a few scriptures for us to ponder as a way of getting our creative juices flowing in discover the _________ part of the thought.

Ephesians 2:10 " For we are God's [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live]. Amplified version

I usually read out of the New King James Version, but I spoiled myself and purchased "The Everyday Life Bible, Amplified Version" with commentary by Joyce Meyer. I try to stay as close to the King James Version as I can as I believe with other interpretations man has the opportunity to put his own 2 cents in....ah but fodder for another blog! Anywho, I have been reading the amplified version as a way of grasping sometimes better understanding of what God is saying...I flipped back and forth between the 2 versions as I am reading most times ;o).

Back to the point at hand...sorry for the thought rabbit trail. Ephesians 2:10....God is taking me back to some foundational teaching in this verse. Many years ago He showed me this verse and the meaning of "workmanship" and I like how the amplified translates it "handiwork"....hand, we are all created by the Master Potter's hand...sorry thought processes are still pondering. Workmanship in the Greek is "poema"....the same root word we get the English word poem from. Like I said, He is taking me down some foundational teaching based upon this one thought.

We are a poem written by the Creator's hand long before we were planted in our mother's womb. Adam was created by God's own hand out of the dust. Eve was created by God's own hand by way of Adam's rib....we all were created [written] by the Master's hand. A living, breathing, active poem of God's love for other's to read. This life I call my own is a sweet prose some days, but others......

Adam & Eve took a hold of the pen and started writing their own bits of their life poems when they sinned in the garden. Their life poems went from ones of intimacy and close fellowship with the Father to dark prose of sin. The same with "my" life....when I allow the Master to recreate this poem it is beautiful prose...some of it encouraging and some a bit sorrowful; but as I see it you can't fully appreciate the sweet without a bit of bitterness...again fodder for another blog! But when I take a hold of that pen, when I decide I can better write the next part better then the Creator of not only myself but the universe I end up with dark prose of sin.

Who is in control of the pen? The Author & Finisher of your faith or you? Is your poem one of sweet & bittersweet or is it just bitter and dark? If it is the latter there is still hope and His name is Jesus. Look again at the amplified version of Ephesians 2:10 "we are God's [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus" See that??? Like a script writer makes "re-writes" to all those Hollywood scripts to tell the story from the proper angle Jesus recreates our poem...He re-writes it to reflect God's intended purpose and plan. What an awesome thought to start the new year with.

God I surrender to Your plan and purpose. Take up again the pen that writes this love poem of life. Recreate, Jesus, the dark prose to one of Your glorious light to shine brightly for others to see, giving hope to the hopeless and direction back to You. I pray Psalm 90:17 "And let the beauty and delightfulness and favor of the Lord our God be upon us; confirm and establish the work of our hands - yes, the work of our hands, confirm and establish it." Lord let Your favor, Your delight and Your approval be upon me as I go about Your work and Your work alone. Confirm and establish the work I do on Your behalf with Your plan and purpose. Amen

New Year

2009-12-31T21:30:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year to you dearest reader. I pray this year will be one of drawing ever closer to God. A year filled with His presence and tender moments sitting at His feet in the secret place. I pray God opens the windows of heaven above you and rains down His beauty (His delight, favor & approval) upon you as promised in Psalm 90:17.

A few seconds after midnight, I started on an excellent journey through His word. I started at the same point my group started...Genesis 1-2...the beginning. I believe God is taking us back to the beginning, back to the foundational teachings once again as a means of writing His word on our hearts to prepare us for this new year and the year to follow.

The #1 thing I have heard from many prophets for 2010 is "obedience". God is calling His church back to it's first love...back to Jesus. Let us all be obedient and run (not walk or delay) back to Jesus and be like Mary and sit at His feet...spending time in His presence listening and learning. Many blessings to each and everyone of you. Make you take the time to sit with our wonderfully Creative Creator re-learning the foundational teachings, seeing His big picture. Hugs

Life is but a vapor

2009-10-09T10:11:00.000-07:00

God puts people in our lives to teach us things about ourselves, but also as His hands and His feet to mold and make our lives. April of 1998 God put a dear woman in my life. Dora Jean Carson, of whom I knew as Jeannie. She became my sister-in-law officially on September 19th, 1998. But she was my new friend in April. She opened her home and heart to me readily and we became good friends as well as family.

This week my beloved sister-in-law graduated and is now residing with Christ in heaven. She didn't face any challenge in life with fear, but with faith in the staying power of her Lord, Savior, Beloved Friend & Bridegroom King. Two weeks ago she was rushed to the hospital and was released this past Saturday. We spoke with her son Tuesday night and she was improving, Wednesday morning she was no longer here on earth with us. I am reminded that life is just a vapor, gone in an instant and we never know the day or hour; but that we need love and live like we never have before. Our days are full of opportunities to be God's hands & feet and we shouldn't waste a minute.

My heart is saddened at the loss here on earth of her sweet smile, her warm heart so generous and full of hospitality. She never knew a stranger and saw every opportunity to demonstrate God's love and compassion. She was bold in her faith and was never afraid to share the Gospel with anyone. I know she is a deposit in heaven, someone to cheer me on and pray for me daily.

I love you, Jeannie, my dearest sister and friend. You will be forever missed at the family functions, but you shall never be forgotten. Thank you for showing me the love of God like I have never seen it before, I pray I can pick up the torch you dropped Wednesday and to carry it on. You also showed me a mother's love and devotion to her children which was lacking in my own life. You saw the good in everyone and always pulled on the giftings of God in me; helping me to become the person I am at this moment. I will miss our discussions over a cup of coffee, sharing our faith and new revelations. Save a seat for me for I know I shall see you on the other side and you can show me your mansion when I get there. Give the Father & Jesus a big hug for me.

Facts vs. Truth

2009-10-05T18:19:00.000-07:00

I have been quite busy these days. Separating facts from the truth. Just a personal observation, but facts change based upon a person's perception, education, environment, etc. But the Truth, well, He doesn't change. Jesus said "I AM the Truth, the Life, the Way. Jesus is the very embodiment of God, He became flesh to be with man and like the Father, Jesus is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. That means HE doesn't change.

Fact is, there are many "religions" out there for people to explore and experience. Truth is there is only ONE God, ONE Son, ONE Holy Spirit...ONE Truth. I pray eyes are opened, spirits are refreshed and Jesus, THE TRUTH, becomes known and is known by those in relationship with Him. Want to know more about Jesus...start with the Bible and the book of John. Many hugs!

Where I've Been

2009-08-16T05:08:00.000-07:00

For the 2 that follow my blog, I am sure you have been asking the question "where are you and when are you going to post?" I have been busy seeking God and in prayer. I have been following the blog of the Kipp family and have been doing some major prayer to get them through this leg of the journey. For new folks....go to www.welovecarter.blogspot.com and you can read all about the Kipp family and their journey for a liver transplant for their son Carter. Shout out to the Kipps, many hugs dearest family & go Carter go!

I find that the local assembly I gather with is getting many requests for prayer in the areas of healing & transplants. So fellow prayer warriors keep a little boy named Logan in your prayers. He is a dearest friend's nephew and he has had many surgeries for brain tumors....he is scheduled for surgery again on August 21st. It is believed his mommy, Dawn, may have the same condition that causes tumors to grow in the brain, but she won't go have it checked out nor surgery done. Sounds to me some sort of generational curse thing going on, so help me pray and break this off this family.

Another one is a dear woman named Belinda who needs a kidney transplant. Many things need to fall into place for Belinda, so please pray and surround her family with prayer. Please pray a donor comes forth that will be a perfect match and that the kidney will become one with Belinda's body. There have been so many medical advances in this type of transplant. God is so moving amongst the medical community!

Now onto what I have been seeking God on. Well about 2 years ago God spoke to me to prepare a room for my stepson as he was coming to live with his father & I. I had kept it in prayer and was trying to sort out stuff that was stored in the second bedroom of a mobile home we were living in. Needless to say trailers don't have a long life expectancy! This trailer was falling apart as fast as we could make repairs, so I started seeking the Lord as to what His plan and His best was for our family and the word HE gave me. Some of you may cry out "stone her!" but hang on. God's words says we have not because we ask not! So I started asking...God what is the next step? Do I stay in what seems to be a money pit (as I bought the place on contract and it was mine 100%) or are You setting us up to move? If we are moving here is what I see we need in a new place, but is truly is of YOUR choosing. It is ok to pray for a new home and to specific with what your need is. Yes God knows your need before you do, but like any good parent God likes it when you ask for it. God is so awesome and He orchestrated our family relocating to the next county in a beautiful new to us home. This home is an older home that was remodeled and it had everything me & God talked about for the past 2 years!

Today is the day my beloved stepson comes to live with us! He is expected to arrive sometime this afternoon. He is his mother's firstborn and I am sure it is rough for Nadine to send him to us, so pray she will find peace in knowing he is coming into a home of love and he won't be denied any visitation with her. Nadine and I have a good relationship, we communicate well with one another concerning B and life in general. So help me pray her through this part of the transition. I am not sure if this is just for this school year, or if B will finish out his education here. But I know this is rough on Nadine.

I have been seeking God and His presence to make ready for this next part of the journey. Having a 15 yr old coming in to my life to help mold and make. I am prayerful that Dad & I can help him through these years of his life....hormones changing and girls, peer pressure and grades. Such a rough time in a young man's life and we are prayerful that our life will be a good example before him.

Well I must dash to get ready for church. Many hugs, many thanks for prayer. May God bless the 2 that follow this blog! ;o) But may He also bless each and everyone that finds this blog in the vastness of cyberspace!

Seeds of Revival & the Hurts of Jesus

2009-06-07T05:29:00.000-07:00

I would like to say this past week has been a good one, it wasn't but in some sense it was. Sunday started off good. I got my usual time with the Father in word and prayer before the house awoke with the business of breakfast & showers before church. Sunday service praise and worship were awesome, I believe we did touch God's heart and made Him blush. Pastor's message was a good one about stinky people and how church is to respond to them. I got some prayer after service for strength to get through all the negative stuff at work. Everything was fine until......until I lost my temper with someone I hold dear to my heart, then everything went down hill from there. I had spent 3 days in tears and prayer, battling the nasty spirits of offense and pride. If you are wondering if I won....well the battle belongs to the Lord and my part was just to submit to His authority and let Him do the work within me.

I haven't read much this past week, it has been mostly prayer and seeking the Lord within prayer. To me prayer isn't speaking flowery words spoken to impress God or others; prayer to me is communicating with the Lord....speaking honestly what is in my heart and then the silent wait and the listening for when He speaks. So I hadn't read much of my devotionals....oh I kept up somewhat with the Daily Bread, but Oswald Chamber's & Mr. Evan's laid on the desk untouched until this morning. It was W. Glyn Evan's devotional book that spoke volumes to me this morning when I played "catch up" on what I didn't read this week. Two days' devotionals spoke the most....Seeds of Revival & The Hurts of Jesus.

Seeds of Revival showed me what had happened this past week. Before you poo poo me, hang on and let me explain. Revival isn't the one week out of the year to have feel good services....true revival according to W. Glyn Evan's is "anything but pleasant, it is a searching, searing time when God's holiness burns hotly against our sins. It is know that God is a consuming fire (Hebrews 12:29), knowing God's terror (2 Corinthians 5:11), and crying out "woe is me" (Isaiah 6:5)."

Mr. Evans goes on to explain "Revival has one chief aim--the removal of sin and the purifying of the believer. The message of revival is: What are you doing about your piled up sins? Revival is a sign that, because of His thinning patience, God has moved His people to confession. But it also means something else. God loves us so much that He is anxious to put us back int a right relationship with Himself. The seed of revival is the grief of the Holy Spirit; the confession of the people is the Spirit's grief vented. Only when the Spirit is "ungrieved" can blessing come"

Basically boiled down this past week is answer to prayer...some of it immediate answer which I need to learn to look for. I have prayed that God search my heart and transform me into Jesus' bride. God is reviving me in the true sense of the word. God is searching and searing, purifying me from sins of the flesh & world. Some where I grew dull hearing His voice...so He is shaking everything that can be shaken within me to get me to a new place, a new level of intimacy and hearing. Somewhere I gave place to anger and bitterness. The Spirit part of me wants to get there and quickly, but the fleshly part of me is trying to fight....so I am nailing my feet once again to His cross, I am nailing one hand and then handing the hammer to Him to nail the other. If you have a few moments free, please pray for me, I can use all the prayer I can get these days.

The Hurts of Jesus is another devotional from Mr. Evans. "Only human beings can become morally & spiritually better because of their pain. Unless I suffer grief, I am not likely to grow into a mature disciple of Christ. One of the greatest disappointments You can suffer, Lord, is to see me battle my griefs and yet not become better." Mr. Evans goes on to say "Jesus wounded Simon Peter with a look that drove him to tears, he wept bitterly (Luke 22:62). To be hurt by Jesus is the most exquisite hurt conceivable. The hurts of Jesus, if I accept them properly are the healings of tomorrow. I need His hurting to cauterize the shallow and superficial in my life."

The definition of disciple is a disciplined follower. I can honestly say I have been hurt by Jesus this week. I have been humiliated and humbled....no I won't go into details because to do so would be gossip. But I will say I surrendered. I keep surrendering to the Holy Spirit and what He is accomplishing in me and soon through me. I have been reaching out to my Lord, seeking to be a true disciple. Now I am being disciplined to follow. When one thinks of discipline their minds immediately recall a time when Mom or Dad spanked them. True discipline is focused on the child; about correcting & directly the child in the way he/she should go. So even though I got a "God spanking" this week, I know His focus is on me...on correcting my walk & relationship with Him...a course correction if you will for this journey.

One last thought...be careful what you ask for....you will eventually get it! Make sure you are ready to receive what you ask of God. His word promises that if you ask for bread He won't give you a stone, but give you exactly what you are asking for. Sometimes it will come by surprise upon you, but it always comes in His perfect timing. It won't ever look like what you imagined either, but will be orchestrated by His perfect design.

Lessons from a tree & a little boy named Carter

2009-05-30T04:43:00.000-07:00

Ok so this might appear an unusual post, but heck my life is anything but usual. A couple months back we had some nasty storms rip through where I live. What once was a mighty maple tree was now a heaping mass of tree. But there were many lessons to learn from this tree. Ephesians 3:14-19 gives us some of the lessons of my tree...I won't post the scripture here, but encourage every reader to seek for him/herself!

One of the things I noticed about this tree is that it had a tremendous root system. When it came down it didn't come down because of bad roots! Half of the truck is still standing upright in the ground. Ephesians 3:17-18 "that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you , being rooted & grounded in love may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height..." We should be like that tree...firmly and well rooted in Jesus, in love. God is the embodiment of of love and so is His Son Jesus. John 3:16 "For God so LOVED the world that He gave His only begotten Son Jesus." Did you catch that...God loved us so much He gave His Son, created in love, to be a love sacrifice for us.

The tree when it was upright and thriving had a good root system that provided plenty of nourishment for that tree. The soil must have been pretty rich for it to have gotten that big. How is your root system today? Are you firmly rooted and grounded in Christ, the good soil of which you get plenty of nourishment? Or are you rooted and grounded in this unstable world, which is not so nourishing to one's soul?

Second thing I noticed about this tree....it's hollow! Yep a good wind came along and because this tree didn't have enough substance it blew right over. It was virtually snapped in half in an odd way. But if you look at the stump remaining and start looking up into the tree it is hollow. Ephesians 3:19 "to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge, that you may be FILLED with the FULLNESS of God." We are to be filled with the Holy Spirit & Christ. What are you filled with today? Are you filled with the Holy Spirit, Christ, the very word of God? Or are you filled with you & what this crazy world has to offer?

Third thing I have noticed about this tree....because it's root system was/is so strong, there are shoots coming up! Yes this old tree is persevering to survive! It has a never die attitude and there are several new trees coming off of the old dead one. Ephesians 6:17-18 "And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying always with all prayer & supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints." Knowing in our minds that we ARE saved and the children of God, exercising HIS word in our lives, our work place, our community....praying ALWAYS. Did you catch that...we are to be praying always, not just when we need something but always talking with the Father, persevering in this daily life to become more like Christ and to be the example of Christ to this world. Are you running the race to win the prize? Or have you given up because of a leg cramp? I may be limping at times, but I am still persevering to run this race and obtain that glorious prize! Come jog/run/or walk with me a bit!

The lessons I learned from a boy named Carter Kipp. Carter is a sweet angelic boy in California that is persevering and daily winning his battle with liver cancer. I follow his family blog daily....just click on the link and pray! Carter is barely 2 years old and although I don't know him personally and have been following his progress via this wonderful thing called the internet; I have learned some lessons from him. So this next portion of my blog is dedicated to this wonderful young warrior & his loving family. Thanks Carter & Kipp family for continually teaching me in the midst of your storm...Hugs!

The first lesson I have learned from this young warrior is not to complain. This sweet boy has a tube coming out of his chest that his parents pump medicine into several times a day. I think it is called an IV line, but heck I am no nurse. This boy has been through several rounds of chemo, been sicker then a dog, yet hasn't complained or grumbled. This sweet spirit has just tried to smile and persevere through it all. In all the pictures I have seen there has been a smile, yes a weak one at times, but a smile nonetheless.

Second lesson I have learned from this young warrior and his brother Bennett is unconditional love. Kira, Carter's mom, posts regularly Carter's progress but also how both boys are interacting in the midst of this. Carter is a loving sweet boy, who in spite of his own issues has concern for his bigger brother when he scraped his knee. Bennett has been tender and careful playing with his brother. Reading their stories shows you the love & bond these 2 have for one another...something we adults who have been hardened by the world could stand to learn again. We can learn how to be tender and caring once again for our brothers and sisters in Christ, but also for the lost.

Lord, keep healing Carter, keep shrinking that tumor until it is non existant. Holy Spirit pour out your horns of healing & joy over, into and through not only Carter but this family as a whole. Let all weariness be removed from this family in Jesus' mighty name. Father open the windows of blessing & provision over this family. Father Your word says You will meet all our needs...meet all of the Kipp family's needs emotionally, spiritally, physically, & financially in Jesus' mighty name. Amen

Dear reader, I encourage you to click on the link for "We Love Carter". Go read this touching blog and take up the burden of prayer for this family. If you can afford a cup of coffee, take that money and send it on to the family for financial help.....it may seem like a dollar or a few cents in your hands, but God can and will multiply it for the Kipp family's use and God's own glory.

God's Pesticide

2009-05-21T18:02:00.000-07:00

God has really been talking a lot about gardens to not only me but to my Pastors as well. It shouldn't be too much of a surprise considering He did speak "be fruitful and multiply" at the first of the year. We have been doing a study of the Song of Solomon and God refers to us & our hearts as His private garden, a locked garden for Him and Him alone to enjoy.

Last week's post was about planting your garden and some of the things God desires in the gardens of our hearts. Feel free to go back to read it and refresh yourself. This week was exquisite agony again as God rolled out His pesticide for our gardens.

If you remember from previous post(s) in Galatians 5:16-26 we discovered some of the bad fruit or weeds that our garden can produce if we live in the flesh. The flip side to that is 1Corintians 13....God's pesticide. I am not typing it all out....I am going to let you go read it for yourself....it will do you good I promise!

Anyway to paraphrase the beginning verses talk about having gifts and doing good things but if we don't have love....God's love in us....it is nothing and for not. Then it gets to the pesticide part....verse 4..."Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious....etc." GO READ IT...anyway if we have HIS perfect love in us and compelling us to keep moving, keep serving then the weeds or bad fruit of Galatians 5:16-26 has no place to grow.

So now I am reading Galatians 5 & 1Corinthians 13. Checking my garden and weeding as necessary. You can learn a lot about your garden by looking at a garden in the natural, then corolating it to the spirit realm. Well I must dash...happy gardening!

How to Plant Your Garden

2009-05-10T04:32:00.000-07:00

Good morning and Happy Mother's Day! Today's post is going to be a bit different. I have been up before the dawn reading my devotionals and putting lunch in the crock pot. Pastors are away for a much needed rest and vacation and have asked me to bring forth the message this morning. It won't be a traditional Mother's Day sermon, but it was a God inspired one. It is below, please read, enjoy and have a truly blessed Mother's Day!

How To Plant Your Garden

Song of Solomon 2:11-12 "For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over & gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land."

At the end of winter most people start thinking about 1 thing and no, I am not talking about mushrooms. They get Ecclesiastes 3:2 minded. "A time to be born, and a time to die, A time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted." Specifically the time to plant, they start thinking and planning a garden. At the first of the year God called us to be fruitful and to multiply. In essence He was speaking it is time to once again to tend the gardens of our hearts.

Stacey & I have been talking a lot about our garden...the one in the natural that we are going to plant. We have been planning out what vegetables we would like in our garden. I have to admit Stacey has been a bit more pro-active about it then I, she has already bought a few plants & seeds. I, in the meantime, have been trying to get a tree out of the yard because it is covering part of where we have planned on putting the garden.

Any good gardener knows that the first thing past the planning stage to be done is to till the garden and remove all the stones in the garden to prepare the soil to receive the seeds and seedlings that will be planted. God has been tilling the gardens of our hearts lately; turning the soil and revealing the stones in our hearts. Galatians 5:19-21 Amplified reads "Now the doings (practices) of the flesh are clear (obvious): they are immorality, impurity, indecency, idolatry, sorcery, enmity (contentions), strife, jealousy, anger (ill temper) selfishness, divisions (dissensions), party spirit (factions, sects with peculiar opinions, heresies), envy drunkenness, carousing and the like." I believe that the works of the flesh spoken in Galatians 5:19-21 are the stones God is revealing in the process of our gardens.

Galatians 6:7 "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap." Job 4:8 "Even as I have seen, those who plow iniquity and sow trouble reap the same." We know that if we plant a seed of corn in our gardens we can expect corn. Let's look at some of the things we need to be "sowing" or planting in our hearts so God can reap and receive a bountiful harvest of fruit in our lives.

For the garden of your daily living plant three rows of peas:

The first step in a fruitful garden is in Mark 12:30 "And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strength. This is the first commandment." If you don't love God you won't want to even cultivate and change the garden of your heart.

1) Peace of mind - Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts you."
If we keep our minds focused on God HE will keep us in perfect peace.

2Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." A sound mind is a mind at peace, not worried or shaken by what is going around them, but focused on God and trusting Him.

2) Peace of heart - Proverbs 4:4 "He also taught me, and said to me: "Let your heart retain my words; keep my commandments and live." We can have peace in our hearts if we hold fast to God's word and not let it be hardened with offense and strife.

John 14:1 "Let not your heart be troubled, you believe in God, believe also in Me." If we truly believe that God & His word are true, if we just trust Him we can have peace in our hearts.

3) Peace of soul - Psalm 103:1-2 "Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His Holy Name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits." When our hearts and minds are saturated with the Word of God, it leaves no room for sorrow in the soul, only rejoicing.

Plant 4 rows of squash:

1) Squash Gossip - Per Dictionary.com gossip is defined as:

–noun
1. idle talk or rumor, esp. about the personal or private affairs of others.
2. light, familiar talk or writing, small talk, hearsay.

–verb (used without object)
6. to talk idly, esp. about the affairs of others; go about tattling.

Matthew 13:36 "But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgement. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemmed." Gossip breeds division and strife. Hearsay is inadmissible in a court of law...it should also be inadmissible in our day to day lives. A person's view of others can be clouded by another's gossiping their own offenses, hurts and impressions.

2) Squash indifference - Dictionary.com defines indifference as:

–noun
1. lack of interest or concern.
2. unimportance; little or no concern
3. the quality or condition of being indifferent.
4. mediocre quality; mediocrity.

Galatians 6:2 "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Romans 13:8 "Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law." Romans 13:10 "Loves does no harm to a neighbor, therefore love is the fulfillment of the law." Hebrews 10:24 "And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works." We should be continually concerned & interesting in our brothers and sisters. We should be attuned to one another's needs and interested in meeting those needs. Times are vastly upon us when we will have no one to depend upon other then God and each other. Indifference also breeds strife and division.

3) Squash grumbling - Dictionary.com defines grumble as:

–verb (used without object)
1. to murmur or mutter in discontent; complain sullenly.
2. to utter low, indistinct sounds; growl.
3. to rumble: The thunder grumbled in the west.

God gives us good examples of what not to do in His word! Remember the children of Israel....they grumbled and died in the wilderness. Remember "complain & remain, praise & be raised." Grumbling only breeds division, strife, gossip in our lives....bad fruit!

4) Squash selfishness - Dictionary.com defines selfishness as:

–adjective
1. devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
2. characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives.

In Galatians 5:19 Selfishness is one of the fruits of the flesh, which, if not checked and removed can cause division, strife, jealousy and a whole host of other rotten fruits! Instead let us apply Galatians 6:10 "Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith." Look for opportunities to help one another.

Plant 4 rows of Lettuce:

1) Lettuce be faithful - Dictionary.com defines faithful as:
–adjective
1. strict or thorough in the performance of duty.
2. true to one's word, promises, vows, etc.
3. steady in allegiance or affection; loyal; constant.
4. reliable, trusted, or believed.
5. adhering or true to fact, a standard, or an original; accurate

Psalm 31:23 "Oh, love the Lord, all you His saints! For the lord preserves the faithful, and fully repays the proud person."

Proverbs 13:17 "A wicked messenger falls into trouble, but a faithful ambassador brings health."

Proverbs 28:20 "A faithful man will abound with blessings, but he who hastens to be rich will not go unpunished."

2) Lettuce be kind - Ephesians 4:31-32 "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."

3) Let us be paitent - Ecclesiastes 7:8 "The patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit."
1Thessalonians 5:14 "Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all." Patience, forgiveness and acts of goodness must prevail between all as Christ is patient, forgives and does acts of goodness for us.

James 5:7-8 "Therefore be patient, breathren until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer wiats for the precious fruit of the earth, waiting patiently for it until it receives the early and latter rain. You also be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand."

4) Lettuce really love one another - Mark 12:31 "And the second, like it, is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'" Genuine love of God is followed in importance by a genuine love for people.

No garden is complete without turnips:

1) Turnip for meetings - Hebrews 10:24 "And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as in the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching." Collective and corporate worship is a vital part of the spiritual life...remember there is strength in numbers! A house divided cannot stand...when we worship corporately the heavens open up like Tuesday night.

2) Turnip for service - If there is a job to be done, don't talk about it, step up and do it. If you see a need meet the need especially in the growing days.

3) Turnip to help one another - It has been said many times, in the days coming we will be finding ourselves relying on one another more and more. Don't be afraid or too selfish to reach out and help one another. If we can be fruitful within our own body, how much more fruitful can we be to this world?

Another important component in our garden is Thyme

1) Thyme for God - Matthew 6:33 "But seek FIRST the kingdom of God and HIS righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." What things you ask...go back to verses 31-32 "Therefore do not worry saying 'What sahll we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly FAther kows that you need all these things." There have been times in my walk with God that I needed these things....food and clothing. Only God knew of my need and I sought Him diligently and He brought everything I needed. Bags of clothes with tags still on them from the store...I haven't missed one single meal, He has been faithful to increase my buying power so I can feed others. Which leads me to the second Thyme...

2) Thyme for others - Matthew 5:1r416 "You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put in under a basket, but on lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven." We are to share with others the Gospel of Christ and we can't do that if we don't take time for others, reaching out.

3) Thyme for friends - Again we are the light of the world. Some of our friends are "christians" some are not, but if we don't take time for others we are just a lamp under a basket. Get out of yourself and get out and help others.

Preventative maintenance of the garden calls for watering your garden with the Living Water, Christ Jesus and the washing of the word. The garden needs nutrients so it is best to use the right fertilizer & plant food. What are you feeding the garden of your heart? Bitterness, anger, resentment, offense? Feed your garden with the word & presence of God and you will have fruit like in Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Holy Spirit (the work which His presence accomplishes) is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness, gentleness (meekness, humility), self-control (self-restraint, continence). Against such things there is not law (that can bring a charge).

Weeds are detrimental to the growth of your garden. They steal precious nutrients & water from the other plants in the garden. Proverbs 4:23 "Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life." Some weeds like morning glories, although quite pretty when they bloom, will choke out the life of the plants in the garden with them. Be mindful of what plants are in your garden and weed, weed, weed as God reveals.

Proverbs 14:30 "A sound heart is life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones."

Hosea 10:12 "Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap in mercy; break up your fallow ground, for it is time to seek the Lord, till He comes and rains righteousness on you."

Purity & Holiness

2009-05-03T16:06:00.001-07:00

God has really been moving & shaking my world....or should I say my world as I know it. He spoke Galatians 5:16-26 to the flock I abide with but also to His bride at large. God is really calling for His bride to get real and get ready. When one does a self exam based upon Galatians 5:16-26 it can be a bit disheartening...especially if you read it in the Amplified version.

vs. 19-21 "Now the doings (practices) of the flesh are clear (obvious); they are immorality, impurity, indecency, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger (ill temper), selfishness, divisions (dissensions), party spirit (factions, sects with peculiar opinions) heresies, envy, drunkenness, carousing and the like." Now impurity isn't just sexual....it could be impurity in thoughts, thinking things that are not godly like how you want to slap someone for being stupid. When you get to the bottom of all these "fleshly" qualities and how they relate to relationships in your life, it becomes painfully clear that you don't measure up once again....well at least that is what happened to me this past week. I felt mournful that I wasn't pleasing to my Lord, but also rejoiceful in the fact that even though this was a slap to my flesh God was still speaking to me. I would rather He speak and I get rebuked then Him to be totally silent and I am left wondering about my salvation and losing my relationship with Him. To be honest I have felt angry lately for what seemed no apparent reason, but when I worked my steps of anger management and got to the bottom line I found out the reason I was angry was because my flesh didn't get it's way.

Then this morning during devotional time, I got a bit of wisdom that helped. "Daily With the King" by W. Glyn Evans gave me some relief from this brick bashing I have been doing to myself...YES I am my own worst enemy! Today's devotional was titled "Flubs, Flaws & Brittleness"
"I must not be disheartened when I flub my spiritual life. A lot of my flubs are not sins, just mistakes and mistakes are the marks of immaturity & greenness." Ok I agree a bit with Mr. Evans' statement just a tad....let's be honest when you know you shouldn't do something and yet you continue on and do it....it is sin. We can't blame it on immaturity as we were told and yet still did it. Mr. Evans goes on....
"As a disciple of Jesus Christ I must believe in progressive satisfaction. When God begins a work,the result thereof must be HIS satisfaction. His creation was very good. He viewed the work of His Son on Calvary and was satisfied. So I believe He is progressively satisfied with His work in His children, especially His growing children. This does not mean that our condition at a given moment is perfect morally, but it means that, like a potter, He is satisfied with our progress."

Again I agree with Mr. Evans' statement, but I believe He is satisfied with our progress if we are progressing. If we take what He gives us as a "course" correction, digest it and allow it to change us from the inside out. This is what I have been doing this week....examining myself with the measuring stick of His word. Searching out any roots of bitterness, anger, impurity, etc. and using His Holy Ghost weed killer on them. Am I a spotless bride yet? Heck no, but I am taking every word I hear....I grab a hold of it and I digest it. The word may or may not be for me personally, but I figured anything the Lord says either through a prophet, a prophetic word spoken in service, or something that I see in a new way in His word is something to nourish my spirit in one way or another. That is what Pastor was speaking about a bit today...taking words that are spoken and digesting them and allowing them to change you. Not to hear a word and just put it aside and then when trouble comes eat that word because it might be poisonous to you and cause more harm then good....kind of like the children of Israel and the manna.

To hear His voice, whether a word of encouragement or correction I don't care which as long as I can still hear His voice I know I will be alright. Two times in one day this past week He spoke, "I will never leave nor forsake you". It was a timely word as I hit a rough patch with my finances, the enemy tried to steal my lunch money, but I gave the enemy a black eye in turning it over to the Father for collection. God loves me. I AM the apple of His eye. He will NEVER leave nor forsake me. He might be silent in an effort for me to push in and seek Him more, but He is just a breathe and heartbeat away....closer then a brother. Big Hugs, Have a good week!

A Soldier in the Army of God

2009-04-26T19:32:00.000-07:00

Pastor read the following this morning and I wanted to post it here. I don't know who wrote it but it is something I desire to become part of me. Experts say a habit (good or bad) takes 21 days to be developed....yep this is my daily read for the next 21+ days! If anyone wants to copy this...go for it, I just have one little request....please leave it intact and react to it whole hearted, let it become who you are in Christ.

A Soldier in the Army of God

I am a soldier in the army of God! The Lord Jesus Christ is my Commanding Officer. The Holy Bible is my code of conduct. Faith, prayer & the Word of God are my weapons of warfare.

I have been taught by the Holy Spirit, trained by experience, tried by adversity and tested by fire! I am a volunteer in this army, and I am enlisted for eternity.

I will either retire in this army at the Rapture...or die in this army...but I will not get out, sell out, be talked out, or pushed out!!!

I am faithful, reliable, capable, and dependable. If my God needs me, I am there! If he needs me in Sunday school, to teach children, work with the youth, help adults or just sit and learn, He can use me because I am there. I am a Soldier!

I am not a baby. I do not need to be pampered, petted, primed up, pumped up, picked up, or pepped up! I am a Soldier.

No one has to call me, remind me, write me, visit me, entice me, or lure me. I am a Soldier!

I am NOT a wimp! I am in place, saluting my King, obeying His orders, praising His name and building His kingdom.

No one has to send me flowers, gifts, food, cards, candy or give me handouts. I do not need to be cuddled, cradled, cared for, or catered to. I am a Soldier!

I cannot have my feelings hurt bad enough to turn me around. I cannot be discouraged enough to turn me aside. I cannot lose enough to cause me to quit. When Jesus called me into this army, I had nothing. If I end up with nothing, I will still come out even! I will will!

My God will supply ALL my needs. I am more than a conqueror. I will ALWAYS triumph! I can do ALL things through Christ!!!

Devils cannot defeat me. People cannot disillusion me. Weather cannot weary me. Sickness cannot stop me. Battles cannot beat me. Money cannot buy me. Governments cannot silence me and HELL CANNOT HANDLE ME!!!!

I AM A SOLDIER!!! Even death cannot destroy me! For when my Commander calls me from this battlefield, He will promote me to a Captain and then bring me back to rule this world with Him!

I AM A SOLDIER, marching, heaven bound! Here I stand!

WILL YOU STAND WITH ME???

Being Real

2009-04-26T05:16:00.001-07:00

I ran into a friend & former co-worker that I haven't seen in wow 3 years! We stood outside the gas station talking and he told me to be behave myself. I told him that would be easy and he just laughed and said uh huh like he didn't believe me. But it got me thinking nonetheless. Am I the real deal...transparent before God and man? I like to think so.

The Father's word says confession is good for the soul...so with that in mind I must confess I got behind in my reading....4 days worth of devotions due to life crowding in....yet fodder for another blog. Thank goodness I get up early on Sundays, I read all 4 days worth and there were 2 from Daily Bread that stuck out and got me to thinking again about my encounter with Darrin. When people see me, do they see the real deal? Am I truly the same in day to day life like I am in church... or do I put on that wonderful "church" face just on Sundays?

Both devotionals centered around the same basic scripture but in different books of the Bible. The first one referenced Matthew 15:1-9 (go read it) and the devotion was about hypocrisy. How "non-christians" point out hypocrisy they see in us christians and use that as their excuse not to seek out God....but funny thing is the "non-christians" are really agreeing with God....check it out in verses 8-9 "These people draw near to Me with their mouth, and honor Me with their lips, but their hearts are far from Me. And in vain they worship Me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men." In this section of scripture the Pharisees were admonishing Jesus' disciples because they didn't wash their hands before the meal. The true law concerning washing was for the Levite priests to wash their hands before consuming the holy offering, but man changed it to suit himself. Ugh that flesh thing!

The second devotion referenced Mark 7:5-15 (again go read it), this was also the same senario but Mark's telling of it. This devotion was about lip service and being phony before God in worship.

My life day to day should be a testimony of God and His love sprinkled with my worship and love for Him for all to see. I should be a transparent open book for others to read. My Pastor said it one time before, if all the Bibles in the world were banned and disappeared what Bible would the non-christians have to read but your very life before God. I got to reading other people's blogs and pondering my question before God. Am I a hypocrite & do I give lip service or am I truly transparent before Him and others??........then faithful as He always is, He reminded me of a posting someone put on their blog about me and I had my answer.

Are you the real deal? Or are you like the Pharisees, dealing out God's law according to man on Sunday and living like hell Monday-Saturday? When you do go to church, are you worshipping out of your heart truthfully before God? Do you really mean those words you are singing or is it just lip service? Well beloveds, we christians are the Bible for most folks....open yourselves up and let others read what God has done in your lives and how God has loved you at your worst. Is this a vulnerable place to be? Yep....let's face it not every book in your public library is liked by everyone. But it is an awesome place to be as it is SO much less work being real then pretending. Have a blessed day in the Lord and thanks for sharing this journey with me.

Living Word

2009-04-18T05:52:00.000-07:00

I have been sick the past few days and hadn't been able to focus very well, but this morning I am feeling better and I sat with my Lord & devotionals this morning in the sunshine. I am working through 3 devotionals daily....The Daily Bread, My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers, & Daily With the King by W. Glyn Evans. I read and I ponder...today's pondering comes from Daily With the King, "When Jesus Becomes Incarnational"

John 1:1-2 "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God." WHO was the word? Jesus, Himself, gave us the answer when He said, "I AM the word, the truth, the life." Let us rephrase what God said...."in the beginning was the Word (Jesus), and the Word (Jesus) was with God, and the Word (Jesus) was God." Jesus is the Word......the Living Word.

Back to Mr. Evan's thoughts "Jesus did not write a textbook about theology, He lived it. John 1:14 "The Word became flesh and dwelt among us." I know of another instance that the breathe of God became flesh....Adam. It has been referred that Jesus is the second Adam....but that is fodder for another blog ;o). One of the things we Christians should be doing, not out of duty but out of love for God, is being in the Word. I just love it when God gives me "word" plays......we are to be in the Word. We are to be reading and living the Word of God.....but we are also supposed to be in the Word....in Jesus. I can hear the calls to the nut house already....hang up your phone, put down your stone, take a seat and let me finish HIStory....don't you just love that word play HIStory. Let's do a little scripture diving....hey don't take my word for it, grab your bible and follow along.....

1John 4:7-16 Don't frown, this is a bit long of a read but ALL things work for HIS glory and our good and this will surely be good for you. Did you check out verse 9? "In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him." How about verses 12-13? "No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected (matured) in us. By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit." Still not convinced?? Keep reading down to verse 15 "Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him and he in God." Now go back to our beginning verse....ha don't you love that play on words...beginning verse....John 1:1 "In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God."

Did you catch it? Are you in the Word daily getting your portion? Are you allowing the Word to become active and change the life you are living? Remember we are not our own, we were bought with a price, redeemed by the blood of the Lamb. Today's thought brings back a song I heard from the Rock Church in Baltimore...."Mark My Life" Mark my life, mark my life, so all will know I am Yours, cause a flood of Your glory, to fill all those around me, & mark my life with Your love." I encourage you dear reader to allow God to mark your life with HIS love & HIS Word. Have a blessed day!

It Ain't Over Til the Fat Lady Sings & I ain't singing it!

2009-04-12T19:34:00.001-07:00

Pastor gave an unusual Easter sermon today...but hey my pastor isn't the conventional type. He preached on the status of your napkin. Ok before you gather stones and start googling where I live and worship...pull up a stump and listen to my story as granny would say.

It all started with Pastor handing out some paper napkins to each one of us with instructions of unfolding it and setting it close to be handy. You see there is a Hebrew custom that if one isn't done eating the diner would fold his/her napkin and lay it by his/her plate. This was a signal to the servant's that the diner wasn't done and not clear his/her plate.

Pastor went on to read the "normal" Easter scriptures...John 19:28-30, John 20:1-7, John 14:1-14. He went on to say that when Jesus died on the cross and was buried in the tomb but His story and our story wasn't over. Jesus wasn't finished and neither should we be. Check it out...John 20:6-7 " Then Simon Peter came, following him, and went into the tomb; and he saw the linen cloths lying there, and the handkerchief that had been around His head, not lying with the linen cloths, but folded together in a place by itself." Did you catch that?? The handkerchief, some translations read "napkin" was folded together in a place by itself. Jesus wasn't and isn't done. Hallelujah!

In a boxing match, when the fighter is wearing thin from the match and the trainer wants to stop the fight, the trainer throws in the towel. So what are you going to do with your napkin? was Pastor's question. He said it was a personal choice and there wasn't any shame in our wadding up our napkin as long as we didn't throw it away. A friend of mine made his choice a couple of years ago, he confessed that this christian walk was harder then he could bear. Yes he has stepped away from the Lord, but he didn't hide his wadded up napkin so to speak. He didn't pretend his walk with God was ok, while inside he was moving further and further from God. God is calling him back I am pleased to say....pray with me that "Jason" will heed the call of the Lord and return!

So....I am sure you are wondering about my napkin. Well beloved if you are wondering I would highly suggest you read the previous posts of this blog. This "fat" lady isn't going to sing the song of the quitter! My napkin is pressed within the pages of my bible. It is now my bookmark, a reminder to not give up, to not quit & throw in the towel coz Jesus surely isn't done with me yet & I still have a lot to do for Him.

Speaking of "return to the Lord". I heard a song by Pablo Perez from the International House of Prayer....awesome song. I can't get it out of my head nor my heart. I heard this song about 2-3 weeks ago and it has been a prayer on my lips since. That this nation will return to her Lord God, that individuals would return to the Lord God. I pray those that don't know of Jesus and His love for them will come to know Him. I pray that those who have turned their backs on God will return, that their hearts be set ablaze with passion for Jesus like never before. I have been praying this humble blog will reach millions for my Lord & King. I have been praying...........

Resurrection Morning

2009-04-12T04:13:00.000-07:00

I am an early riser by nature it seems. I never was one to sleep in to noon. This morning when I rolled over in bed at 6:50 a.m. I had a song in my heart and on my lips....Alleluia He is Risen, Alleluia He is here! A song I heard & sang on my Emmaus walk. For those who don't know what that is...well all I can say is it is a weekend encounter with Christ. For those who know DeColores, He is Risen indeed.

I know I haven't posted in a couple of weeks, it is because I have been busy. Not so much with earthly things such as work...that has been busy enough, thank You Jesus for the answers to prayer there. No beloveds I have been busy, pondering Christ's work on the cross in preparation of this Resurrection Morning.

This world got so independent from God....like little ones starting to realize they can do things on their own, we adults got bullheaded and independent from God. We decided that we knew ourselves better then the One that created us. The propensity to sin entered in with Adam, but we can't blame Adam for our own CHOICES. Boy that word has been ringing loudly to me for the past 2-3 years now....it is what I call the secret of life....CHOICE. Back to my train of thought, because of our own choices we got further and further away from God. God created us so He could have fellowship with us, not just so we could take care of everything He created, but to have fellowship with Him. But we allowed our choices to crowd out His voice, to take over time in His presence. Adam & Eve before the fall took time out in the cool of the evening to walk with God throughout the garden talking and getting to know one another better. Adam & Eve related to God in a personal way.

Today is a day many will come to church because it is Easter. But will they relate with what Christ accomplished on the cross. Back in the garden the first sacrifice was made for sin. Take a look at it in Genesis 3:21 "Also for Adam and his wife the Lord God made tunics of skin, and clothed them." I did Beth Moore's God inspired study of the tabernacle, "A Woman's Heart, God's Dwelling Place." Personally I thought it pertained to men as well and should have read A Child of God's heart, God's dwelling place, but I guess it was birthed during a women's conference and therefore got the distinction of a woman's heart....ah rabbit trailing again. Anyway it was an awesome study, but I got a chuckle from my friend who was leading the study. When she got to this scripture, she called me and asked about skinning an animal what happens to the animal. I was surprised, but also aware of her child like faith and honored she asked me the answer.

The answer was think about a dog or cat you love and have grown up with. Now think about pulling all it's skin off. You have pulled a hang nail before, it got deeper and deeper when you pulled and you bled. Well God had to mercifully dispatch (aka kill) the animal before He skinned it to make a covering for Adam & Eve. Here was the first blood sacrifice for the atonement of sin. Keep reading God's love letter & basic instructions, His Holy Word, the Bible. In Exodus/Leviticus He gives detailed instructions for the priests on what is required for a sin offering. The sacrifice of an animal and how the blood was to be sprinkled on the mercy seat and the horns of the altar.

Jesus is that sacrificial Lamb. Sin abounded in this world, but the grace & mercy of God abounded more. God sent His only Son, Jesus, to come into this world to teach the love and mercy of the Father. At the appointed time Jesus was broken & bruised for our iniquity (sin), He was hung on a cross like a common thief, He died upon that cross and was buried in a tomb for 3 days. On Resurrection Morning the stone was rolled away, not for Jesus to leave the tomb....He had already left, but for those coming to mourn Him could see He was no longer there.

It's Resurrection Morning....Jesus desires to resurrect your life from that of sin to one of grace. Grace isn't a gift from God....Grace is a gift of God. God is love, but He is also grace....so this gift isn't just something He gives, it is a part of Himself He graciously offers all of His children. Romans 5:17 "For if by the one man's (Adam's) offense death reigned through the one, much more those who receive abundance grace and the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ." Though sin may abound more and more in this world (take a look at the news) so much more God's grace is abounding, overcoming that sin.

We are walking in the end times beloveds...make no mistake about that. It was declared on the news the other day that the US is no longer a "christian" nation. We haven't been standing up and doing what God has desired, we haven't been the example of Him before the world. We like the first children, Adam & Eve, have decided to do our "own thing" because we foolishly believe we know ourselves better then the one who created us. Oh God let Your never ending grace cover us today, may we all walk in Your grace fully understanding the sacrifice of Your Son Jesus to make that grace available to each and everyone of us. May we arise and fully walk in your resurrection power today and everyday until the final trumpet blows, in Jesus' mighty name, amen and amen and amen. Let it be according to your word.

Take time out today to spend it with God. For those that have video stores open in their community, go rent the Passion of the Christ, directed by Mel Gibson. Get a box of tissues on the way home, if your heart is tender and open to God you will need them. Watch this movie with the understanding that if you were the only person on earth, that Jesus would have endured all of it just for YOU. This is a very graphic and at times bloody movie, but it gives you a glimpse of what Jesus endured for you. When you get done watching the movie honestly ask yourself if anyone in your circle of friends or family would be willing to do that for you....you will find that there isn't anyone but Jesus who was willing to endure all of that just for you.

American Dream or Eternity

2009-03-24T19:25:00.000-07:00

God is good! Tonight at service God showed up in a mighty way. I haven't felt His presence like this in a long time. He spoke tonight and I have to blog it before I forget it. He said "American Dream or Eternity". Pastor Stacey was behind the keyboard singing prophetically and it came out via song...."I don't want to live the American Dream, I am living for Eternity."

God quickened my spirit....what is the American Dream. To sum it up by the Bill of Rights it is "life, liberty & the pursuit of happiness." While this is all well and good....there are a few loopholes. Yes, loopholes....follow the train of thought that came to me if you will. Life per the American Dream is living to the fullest, but it is a brief fleeting thing. It can be snuffed without a moment's notice. It's living the dream of success and fortune....take a look at the news these days and you will see fortune and fame fade.

Jesus, on the other hand, left this home in heaven and died so we could have life abundantly. I have only tapped into a portion of the full meaning of this and I lead a pretty good life so far! I haven't gotten the fullness of the "abundant life", but I can assure you I live in a comfortable home and I haven't missed a meal. I have everything I need and nothing I want, but I am quite happy and content.

The American Dream says liberty...well what is liberty. Loosely translated, liberty is freedom. Yes in American thanks to others laying down their lives to fight for it, I presently have freedom....but again take a look at the book of Revelation & the news. The freedoms I have now are slowly but surely fading away. Soon it will be a one world economy and religion. Oh so soon we will all be forced to choose...take the mark or loose your head...I choose Jesus and refuse the mark right here and right now.

Jesus gives me boundaries yes...but oh the freedom within those fences! He gave me freedom from my sins. He has given me freedom from past hurts and disappointments. He gives me daily freedom from my flesh! The American Dream's freedom is fleeting away, but Jesus' freedom is a lasting freedom.

The American Dream says "pursuit of happiness"....did you get that...pursuit of happiness without the guarantee of happiness. And what exactly is happiness, is it just a feeling of joy? A brief moment of being content as when we get something we have wanted for a long time? Is it achieve by acquiring things to fill the void, the hole in our soul?

God promises that His joy will be our strength....note that joy! Joy is much more then a brief moment of feeling good. It is an internal knowing of the eternal promise of God's love & protection, of His provision and guidance. Joy is a lasting thing that can't be bought or sold, bargained or traded for. Joy is a free gift from God that has no limits and bounds.

I hear the Lord say, "choose you this day whom you are going to serve!" So serve the American Dream or the Eternal for eternity.....it's a no brainer choice for me. As for me and my house, I choose to serve the Lord, the Eternal One. Be blessed dear fellow bloggers and seekers of the Lord! May you as well choose well!

Two No Three Things I Learned About Me"

2009-03-24T13:34:00.000-07:00

This week has been an interesting week for me. I learned 3 things about me...#1 I am a passionate person, #2 I am a sassy person, #3 God still loves me anyway! I am a passionate person in the fact that I love deep and when I commit myself to something I am one that sticks with it. I am passionate about my Lord. I also am passionate about helping those with addictions getting free, helping the homeless and feeding the hungry.

I am sassy....I don't hold back (to my detriment sometimes) with what I have to say. I say what I mean and I mean what I say...I don't mince words. Now sometimes that can be a good thing....especially in prayer dealing with the enemy. But sometimes it can be harmful to those around me and to me.

God still loves me anyway! God loves it that I am passionate about Him and the things of His heart. Matter of fact He delights in my passion and willingness to help others. God delights in the fact that I am sassy, that I don't back down when the enemy slings attacks at me. God delights that I use my sassyness for His kingdom.

There is a fine line that I am learning not to cross. I am learning who I am in Christ and what I was created for. Yes it kind of hurt when I was told I was sassy & passionate and how God wanted me to bridle that passion & sassyness so I can be bridal with passion & sassyness....there is such a subtle fine line. But then God used Oswald....isn't it interesting God using a gentlemen that wrote his own revelations many years ago to inspire and help me today. Oswald said "If the Spirit of God detects anything in you that is wrong, He doesn't ask you to make it right; He only asks you to accept the light of truth, and HE will make it right." I just have to confess that "yep that is correct" and then just BE. I have to confess my weaknesses and faults and the Holy Spirit will do the rest.

So world....my name is Bert, I am a child of the Most High God, Yaweh, and I am passionate as well as sassy. I confess that there are times in my life my passion gets the best of me and I tend to be sassy. I ask You, Holy Spirit, to redirect my passion & sassyness so I can be affective for my Father, my King, my Lord.

Yield the right of way

2009-03-15T19:30:00.000-07:00

Gracious I have felt so out of control this past 2 weeks...I mean majorly out of control. It seems utter chaos at work, at home it seems like nothing I do or say is right with my spouse, & I have even been questioning my internal motive of following my Beloved Lord. So out of control to the point of tears & utter exhaustion physically & spiritually. And then Oswald.

I have an Oswald Chambers "My Utmost for His Highest" calendar on my desk. It gives me a scripture and Oswald's perspective of what he gleaned from each scripture...quite good yet quite piercing. It cuts me to the quick so many times but it is an exquisite hurt. The kind of hurt that hurts your heart that is so following God, but it isn't a physical pain such as a paper cut. This kind of hurt is a good hurt because it makes you question your own beliefs....do they really line up with the word & will of God or you own agenda.

I borrowed the book "My Utmost for His Highest" from my beloved shepherds & friends. They are such gracious Pastors....they love me unconditionally like Christ....still can't quite fathom why, but they do and they are always there to hear me out when I am out of control and help ground me and regroup me. I find myself thanking God for these 2 in my life. I pray everyone that reads this finds their own spiritual father & mother.....there is such a life of blessing when you do.....ah but that is another post....back to the one at hand.

Friday at work I discovered thanks to Oswald why I felt so out of control. Then I borrowed the book and got further insight....Thursday 3/12 was TOTAL SURRENDER - Mark 10:28 "Peter began to say to Him, 'See we have left all and followed You.'" Total surrender will always go beyond natural devotion. If we only give up, God will surrender Himself to embrace all those around us and will meet their needs, which were created by our surrender. Beware of stopping short of total surrender to God. Most of us only have a vi son of what this really means, but never have truly experienced it.

Friday 3/13 was GOD'S TOTAL SURRENDER TO US - John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave..." In our surrender, we must give ourselves to God in the same way He gave Himself for us -- totally, unconditionally, and without reservation. The consequences and circumstances resulting from our surrender will never even enter our mind, because our life will be totally consumed with Him."

Then came Saturday 3/14 YIELDING - Romans 6:16 "..you are that one's slave whom you obey.." The first thing I must be willing to admit when I begin to examine what controls and dominates me is that I am the one responsible for having yielded myself to whatever it may be. If I am a slave to myself, I am to blame because somewhere in the past I yielded to myself. Likewise, if I obey God I do so because at some point I yielded myself to Him."

So I haven't surrendered myself to Him, but I have yielded myself to myself. Ah the tricky "self" thing reappears in my life. Several years back the Lord prompted me to H (representing Him/Her) SELF....ok put it together HSELF....now spell it backwards FLESH....yep when we are working, operating in him/herself we are operating in flesh....but when we operate in Him we operate in Spirit....ugh...that flesh thing again. Somewhere I had yielded myself to my flesh again...the very enemy of my soul & spirit man! Where did I give into the wiles of my flesh? When? How? Then I read further.....

"No release or escape from it will ever come from any human power, but only through the power of redemption. You must yield yourself in utter humiliation to the only One who can break the dominating power in your life, namely the Lord Jesus Christ. " So here I am, back at what seems square one....back at the altar of sacrifice. You can't get to the Holy of Holies without first passing the altar of sacrifice....to lay your bull on the altar. Then it is onto the brazen laver, to be washed and cleansed. Then it was to the entryway into the Holy Place where the priests would put on their clean garments and enter in to minister to the Lord.

Back to the altar to lay my bull upon it. My independence, my pride, my self preservation, my fears, my need to feel superior..and so on and so on. Lord forgive me for selling myself so shortly by yielding to my flesh yet again. Help me Holy Spirit to die out yet again to my flesh...but this time help me to really kill it, not just to stun it. Help me to yield MY right of way for HIS will of way which is the right of way.

Is This True of Me?

2009-03-04T04:20:00.001-08:00

Still walking and talking with my King daily. Last night's word came out His mouth piece, my Pastor, out of the Song of Solomon 2:10 "Rise up my love, my fair one". God has been and still is calling His bride to arise & shine....to get up from slumber and to get back to His business. He said "prepare it, be it". I have been hearing the Lord call me, not by my earthly name of Bert, but He has been calling me "Esther". Like I have stated before, He has been calling me that off and on....now it seems more on then off! I have been asking the Holy Spirit daily, "what pleases my Lord today?"

The Lord in essence last night was calling His corporate bride "Esther". We need to stop seeking what pleases us, what is "comfortable" for us and to heed His word....to "rise from our 'comfort zone' that we have been building and residing in...to shine forth HIS light, not our own glory stealing agenda & works. Time to stop building our own comfy kingdoms and get back to building His. Tough word, but a most definitely needed one. The time my friends & fellow journeymen is getting oh so short....time to quit playing games and thinking there is yet another tomorrow!

So....today's Oswald caught my eye. "Is This True of Me?" "None of these things move me, nor do I count my life dear to myself...." Acts 20:24. Oswald writes "If I have not been seized by Jesus Christ and surrendered myself to Him, I will consider the time I decide to give God and my own ideas of service as dear. Never consider whether or not you are of use -- but always consider that "you are not your own", you are HIS (1 Corinthians 6:19)."

Wow there is that word once again resounding, I am not my own. Lord let me get this head knowledge planted deep within my heart. Let me not consider "my" ways above Your majestic ways. Let me not consider "myself" above You. Help me Holy Spirit to be totally committed & submitted to my Lord, Savior, Friend & Bridegroom in the mighty name of Jesus.

Tidbits on the Journey

2009-03-01T09:58:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about my engagement to the King of kings...wondering where did the time go, how did the transition happen and why did I miss it? Been getting a few tidbits here and there...what a better way to spend your Sunday then pondering those tidbits with Him!

I have looked at what it means to serve, but what is a friend. Yep consulted my friend Webster...don't you just love him and all his information....any who a friend is: a person attached to another by affection or esteem, a favored companion. His favored companion....yep sounds good to me. Favored -- having an appearance or features of a particular kind, endowed with special advantages or gifts, providing preferential treatment. Having an appearance or features of God, endowed by God with special advantages or gifts, provided by God preferential treatment. Aren't you glad you are God's favorite! Of course His word says He doesn't have favorites, but in an essence He most certainly does....His favorite is each and everyone of His created people...and God created us all so we all get to be His favorite...cool thought huh?

When we have a favored companion or friend we go out of our way to bless them. We do little things to make them smile and show them that we care. We look for and do things to help our friends. We are faithful and loyal to the things our friends put in our care....their thoughts, emotions, secrets, and sometimes personal possessions. Father God & Jesus take that same care for us, does little things to make us smile and bless us....a beautiful sunset that takes your breathe away, pinpointing out to us the Father's wonderful creation in the sight of a lone deer in a field on a foggy morning...ah majestic. Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice for His friends....He laid down His very life for them/us.

Somewhere I went from just a servant of God to being His friend. I didn't realize it but I was searching out the scripture to find things that He takes delight in like Esther. You know Esther went through 1 year of preparation for her one night with the King....she could wear whatever she chose to wear on her one night with the king....she could select the meal to be served...choose which jewelry to wear, what perfume to scent her bath with....but Esther chose only to wear what pleased the King, chose only to eat what pleased the King. Somewhere on my journey of serving Him, my desires and choices took a back seat....I started seeking out what pleased my Lord and Savior. I still seek daily ways to bless Him....I search my heart and sing the praises I find within...sometimes it doesn't sound much more then "I love You Lord" over and over and over again, but somehow it still manages to catch His attention, to bless Him and make Him blush. I was so focused on my Lord I missed the transition!

Now I am on the leg of the journey like Esther, the bridal preparation. I am reading a good book..."Completely His, Loving Jesus Without Limits" by Shannon Ethridge and I came across a passage that made me look upon communion with different eyes....from the eyes of the engaged. Ms. Ethridge writes "I saw a video series produced by Focus on the Family and narrated by biblical scholar Ray Vander Laan. Mr. Vander Laan explains that in biblical times a bride-to-be had a say in whether she would marry her potential groom. After he had negotiated a bridal price for her, the groom would seek her approval of the arrangement by pouring a cup of win and handing it to her. By this act, he was saying 'I offer you my life'. At that moment the potential bride had a decision to make. If she did not care to marry the man, she could refuse the cup. But if she was willing to marry him, she would take the cup and drink from it. By her actions, she was saying, 'I receive your life, and I give you mine in return.' Then preparations would begin for a wedding celebration, which included the grooms returning to his father's house to build an additional room where the marriage would eventually be consummated."

Think about the Last Supper....Jesus served the first communion. Jesus when offering the cup to His disciples was in essence saying "will you marry me?" I now look at communion from a different perspective....Jesus is asking me to marry Him and the cry of my heart is YES my Lord, YES. Jesus promised the disciples that He would prepare a place for them & you in John 14:1-3. How awesome is my Lord, that I am my Beloved's and His desire is towards me.

Lent & Sacrifices

2009-02-27T07:22:00.000-08:00

I have been reading a few blogs and I feel I must put something on my own blog about Lent & sacrifices. Many religions observe Lent.....the 40+ days before Easter as a time of cleansing and reflection of what Christ accomplished on the cross. Many people ask me what "religion" I am, I tell them I have relationship.....religion is going through the motions, relationship is going through the emotions and really getting to know Jesus first as Savior, then Lord of one's life, then as Friend, and ultimately Bridegroom. But if I had to put a label on myself, it is Full Gospel. I don't observe the Lent season, but I do daily die out as God's word commands. I fast, pray, & spend time in the Secret Place with my Lord. I love to scripture dive, some call it reading God's word, but it is better then dumpster diving....you always come out of it with a precious nugget or two and smell a whole lot better then dumpster diving!

I have read a few blogs where folks are stating what they are giving up for Lent, and frankly I am saddened. It appears that man has taken God's command to fast, cleanse & purge oneself to a specific time line and have missed the whole point. God required a sacrifice for the people of the world's sin and He provided the perfect Lamb in His Son Jesus. If you ever watched The Passion of Christ, produced by Mel Gibson, then you get a pretty good idea of the depth of sacrifice Jesus made for you and me. The blogs I have read stated people where "going to go to church 1 day a week" as their Lent sacrifice. Granted they may have small children and at best I would call them going to church with small children an inconvenience at best, but not a sacrifice. We are commanded by God to "not forsake the assembly of believers" which means we should NOT forsake going and gathering with other believers. There is such strength and edification in attending church weekly. There is such love of the brethren that cannot be duplicated by any other activity....besides there is strength in numbers. The corporate anointing when believers gather for the right purpose, worshiping God, is so awesome and powerful it can put flight to ten thousand like God's word says.

According to my buddy Webster, to sacrifice is the forfeiture of something highly valued for the sake of one considered to have a higher value or claim; the act of offering something in homage to. A sacrifice costs something....not necessarily monetarily, but it costs something. Going to church is an act of obedience, not a sacrifice by definition. In my opinion and by definition a proper sacrifice in this season of Lent would be "fasting" a favorite food or one meal a day.....fasting negative speech & attitudes (this one is a toughie....you would be surprised how much negative stuff we say about ourselves, others and life in general).....fasting a TV program we would hate to miss.....heck just shutting off the old TV and spending more time with God in prayer and scripture diving!

Man has taken the very essence of God's word and twisted it to conform to man's lifestyle and agenda. I think it is time for all "Christians" to get back into God's word, back on their knees and get back to the real meaning of what it means to be a Christian....the very word means little Christ! I think it is time for all of us to get out of our selfish selves and get back to the basics of God's word....get back to the business of the Father. Many so called "Christians" are going to go through the motions of this Lent season....give up something they deem a sacrifice...then when Easter is all over they are going to go back to their old ways and habits....they bring out their Christianity a couple times of the year by attending church around Easter & Christmas and put their Christianity back on the shelf and do their own thing.

The true definition of repentance is to #1 acknowledge the sin, #2 confess the sin and ask God for forgiveness #3 to turn completely the opposite way you were walking and start walking the life of Christ.....not to acknowledge, confess, seek forgiveness and then keep doing the same old thing. We are not to be conformed to this world but transformed by the very word of God! To be conformed is an outward thing....but to be transformed is an inward work of Christ....to become His glorious image...to become His hands and feet to those around us; this in essence is the progression from servant to friend to bride! May you make this Lent season a daily season beloved brother/sister in Christ. May you come to fully understand all that Jesus gave up and sacrificed for you....you are the precious pearl He gave all to have! May you surrender your rights and desires to obtain His character & will. It is a sweet surrender, a perilous journey but an excellent one nonetheless. God Bless!

Sacrifice of Service

2009-02-25T05:37:00.000-08:00

Still pondering and churning around in my spirit this servant, friend, bride thing. Last night at church all I could do was cry and weep at His awesome feet. Pastor asked if I needed prayer, I told her I had no clue what was going on other then I just couldn't stop crying and I felt somewhat dead inside. During her study on Song of Solomon (yep a deep topic) she eluded to why I am such a "hard hat zone" these days. Back at the first of the year, my beloved Pastor/Shepherdess received the word of the Lord for the year "Be fruitful & multiply within"....meaning we are to be fruitful & multiply into His image first within each person, then our immediate body, then the immediate body of Christ, then into the world. Lot to do in such a short time it would seem. She & I also started discussing the 3 types of people that are at the wedding feast.....the servants, the friends, & the bride. It was then I uttered a prayer.....Lord I want to be Your bride.

You know when we tell God or ask Him to do something we must always remember He will! So back to last night, last night in the middle of her talk on SOS (sounds a bit funny huh?) she looks straight at me and tells me that what I am going through should give me such joy in the midst of such pain. I am engaged! Yep engaged to the King of kings & Lord of lords....that thought alone is what is moving me closer to what He desires....a beautiful spotless bride. I am fully engaged to the Lord and He is fully engaged in me, transforming me into His glorious bride. Here I thought I was in Servant stage....but somehow, somewhere I went to the next stage which is Friend. In the Friend stage you keep serving. Somehow I went through this stage to now being groomed as Bride....what a whirlwind adventure.

Some of what He is pulling out of me in the midst of this transformation I have His mercy and grace to not look upon it. Some of it He is showing me with His tender mercy and with His grace I am overcoming it. I find how He does things quite interesting in the midst of this.....His banner of love is over me and He keeps speaking words of encouragement & hope everywhere I turn.

Yesterday's Oswald was "The Delight of Service" 2 Corinthians 12:15 "I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls....." The delight of sacrifce is that I lay down my life for my Friend Jesus Christ (see John 15:13). I don't thow my life away, but I willingly and deliberately lay it down for Him and His interests in other people. All I could say was WOW when I caught my breathe after reading this....for I have prayed Lord let me spend and be spent for You.

Today's Oswald....well hang onto your shorts as granny would say.... "The Destitution of Service" 2 Corinthians 12:15 "...thought the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved." Paul's idea of service was the same as our Lord's. he did not care how high the cost was to himself -- he would gladly pay it. It was Paul's delight to spend his life for God's interests in other people, and he did not care what it cost. Again...WOW....it is crazy! I had spoken to the Lord when I first came back to Him "my life for You" and have rededicated myself to Him throughout the past 9 years. God has called me Esther many times over the past 9 years.....Esther only had one goal in the midst of her preparation time, to find out what pleased the king and to fulfill that goal. I like Esther have been discovering what pleases my Lord and been quick to give to Him what pleases Him most....my heart, my life, my worship, my devotion....as meek and meager it may be.

A good friend this morning gave me Philippians 2:13 this morning "for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure." So there by the grace of God go I.

The Determination to Serve

2009-02-24T04:07:00.001-08:00

The first step of serving is the thought of serving and putting feet to that thought, purposing in one's heart to serve. "The Son of Man did not come to be serve, but to serve....." Matthew 20:28. Oswald Chambers put it this way "Once we realize that Jesus Christ has served us even to the depths of our meagerness, our selfishness, and our sin, nothing we encounter from others will be able to exhaust our determination to serve others for HIS sake."

So what does it mean to "serve". According to my friend Webster....to serve is "to work for, to prepare and offer, to provide goods and services for, to assist, to be of assitance to or promote the interests of, to spend or complete, to fight or undergo military service for, to give homage and obedience to, to act toward another in a specified way, to meet the needs or requirements of, to deliver or present." When we "wait" upon the Lord we really are serving Him, such as a waiter would serve in a restaurant.

What/how do you serve the King of kings and Lord of lords? What do you serve Him.....simply put you serve yourself.....you give Him anything/everything He asks of you. You give Him first and foremost your heart. God's word says "worship the Lord with all your heart, mind & soul." To worship Him in the manner He is most deserving we human beings lack on our own what is required. But HE is ever faithful...whatever He requires He readily provides. We all were created to worship....it is within us, if we would only remove ourselves and let our hearts sing the songs of worship they were created & indued with.

When we truly love God....I mean truly....serving Him is as easy as breathing. You won't think about how, when, or where....you will truly be a human "being" and will serve without realizing. Second thing needed to serve...availability. A very dear Pastor & friend told me to just "be". What does that mean? Well it means to just relax in the Lord....don't strive or struggle....just be the best Bert I can be for the moment and to just relax in God's love. When I relax I find I can be more readily HIS hands & feet to those around me without much effort or thought. When I try it in my "own" power it is exhausting. Relax and make yourself readily available and the Lord will do the rest. HE will bring those that need help along your path, you won't have to go or look far! Even in my meagerness, what seems my lack, I can still serve Him by serving others. Sometimes it is a sacrifice financially, but God always makes up the difference in abundance. Sometimes to serve others is just simply being God's arms of comfort with a hug.....sometimes it is just caring and praying for the person.....sometimes it is a sack of groceries given when no one notices.....sometimes it is just a card or note of encouragement when someone is down.....sometimes it is a smile towards a stranger in the grocery store, you never know just that smile might brighten someone's dreary day.

Seek God's wonderful face and HE will show you how to become His hands & feet....the very hands & feet of the most wonderful Servant of all. God Bless!

"Servant"

2009-01-28T11:28:00.000-08:00

God has been talking to me quite a bit about being His servant. Yes on the last day here, first day in His awesome presence I would very much like to hear Him say to me "good & faithful servant." But most importantly I want to hear Him say....thank you for sharing all I have given you...good & faithful steward.

I have discovered that all servants are bought with a price and there are 2 basic classifications of servants. There are bondservants and indentured servants. Bondservants a bond, or price, was paid for that servant....in Hebrew times bondservants loved their masters and willing served even after their time of service was up. Indentured servants are forced to serve due to an outstanding debt or their country was conquered.

This got me to thinking.....what did Jesus do.....Jesus was compelled by the love of God for humankind that He willingly served the Father & us with His ultimate service of love...being the acceptable sacrifice for sin! Do I willing serve Jesus because I truly love Him....or do I serve Him because I am forced? Makes one wonder about the motive of the heart....upon searching my heart I can honestly say I serve Him because I love Him. I know there is NO way to ever repay the gift of love in His sacrifice for me.

I don't have all the answers, but have been pondering my walk with Him more and more these days. Remembering when I first came to Him as a sinner....how He has healed me of many inward hurts....how He cleansed me from my sin and made me pure & clean so I can enter the Father's presence....where I want our relationship to go.....

This relationship doesn't just stop at servant....it just begins there. Well dear blog reader I must dash for now. I will share in a few days what God has revealed to me about serving.....not enough time today as I am using a friend's computer. Hopefully my own personal "geek squad" will get mine up and running so I can blog more often then once a week. Hugs dear readers & friends.

Welcome

2009-01-25T12:01:00.000-08:00

Welcome to this blog. Let me introduce myself, my name is Bert Bell. I am a child of God on an excellent journey from servant to friend to ultimately Bride. This blog is a log of my journey with God. I post it here to give insight in the journey for others, to be light for those struggling in the wilderness, to give hope to those looking for hope. It isn't here so one could debate religion or to cause problems. May my life with God be a blessing & encouragement to those who read it. For those who don't know God, may this blog show you the love of God and be a vessel to introduce you to my awesome King. This blog in essence is a blog of my relationship with God. Enjoy the journey with me.